Wish granted but I took your hands.

I wish I had a wacky inflatable man

Wish granted,  but he realises that he is really a she inside and asks you to save up for surgery. It costs 30k.

Oooh topical

I wish someone would make me a sandwich.

Wish granted, but you're literally made a sandwhich. You can't walk, see, hear, feel, or taste, you can just sit there basking in your own deliciousness. 

I wish I had a vagina instead of a penis.

Wish granted.  Its on your forehead.

I wish I had a shark with a frikkin laser beam on its head.

Wish granted, but the shark is not ill tempered.

I wish I had a fembot

Granted but her personality was illegally downloaded and she tries to kill you.

I wish i could memorise the lyrics to "Billy The Mountain".

Granted.  We had to clear some space for it, so ultimately all you can remember are those lyrics and the alamo.

I wish I was irresistible to women.

Wish granted, but all men hate you.

I wish i could play the guitar plays from "RDNZL" and "Drowning Witch"

Wish granted, but you can only play them backwards.

I wish I had a FleaBass.

Granted.  A strange fish insect hybrid animal arrives in the male and drains your blood.

I wish I was like totes daubs.

Wish granted, but in the colour of brown. (I have no idea what totes daubs is :/)

I wish a I had a monkey

Granted but it runs away

I wish my arm wasn't so itchy.

Wish granted, your arm comes alive, hack itself off, and runs away

I wish I didn't clog the toilet (joking!)

Wish granted, you clogged the sink instead

I wish I could stop time at my leisure

Granted but you can't get it going again so are stuck forever.

I wish I could go back and stop my mum meeting my dad.

Wish granted. You get stuck in the past and you have to constantly make sure they never meet.

I wish I had a time machine

Wish granted, but it malfunctions and you get stuck in London during the Blitz, but hey, meet the Empty Child.

I wish i had a pair of bongos. Bongo Fury!

Granted, but everyone else has bongos too. So many bongos that all you hear all day, every day, are bongos bongos bongos! You get so sick of bongos that you never want to see them or hear them again, but you can never escape the bongo fury!

I wish the person from the phone company would show up already and fix my damn phone line!

Quote from: Jillian on August 16, 2013, 12:59:43 PM
I wish the person from the phone company would show up already and fix my damn phone line!

Granted. Except they misunderstood. Now the only place you can call is the nearest dam.

I wish my divorce were over with already!

Wish granted, but upon celebrating you black and wake up hitched to someone else.

I wish I had an ancestor that was a mob king back in the day.