Quote from: learningtolive on August 23, 2013, 11:42:22 PM
I'm hoping you're right. It would be preferable if there was a more chemical component to this and I just need to learn how to deal with it. Honestly, I haven't been myself and it's a very weird feeling because it's been a very bad and bizzare reaction. I've been crying like a crazy person and just losing the will in general.
Well, I'm off to bed thanks to melatonin. Hopefully, I will be able to wake up and feel better.
Thanks. I hope you are right.
Quote from: learningtolive on August 24, 2013, 11:49:10 AM
A little update. I'm feeling a little better today. I won't say I'm no longer a mess, but a good nights sleep really helped me out. For example, I haven't felt the need to cry today. I'm starting to think it is a combination of hormonal influences and my shambled life. Perhaps I just need to learn how to deal with my issues better know that I have an increased emotional capacity. Though, the underlining cause is my messed up life, so I am going to have to figure out a way to fix that if I will get better. Unfortunately, I don't really see a path for that, but I'll keep trying.
there
is a chemical component to this. the reason you feel fatigued, can't sleep even though you're supposed to be tired enough, nauseous, feeling of impending doom, uselessness, inability to stop the thoughts that are bothering you, don't feel like eating etc. all these are caused by chemicals that the brain releases, mostly due to stress. it's supposed to make you more alert to possible dangers, but since threats don't work the same way in modern times as at the beginning of humanity, we end up in an evil spiral where stress makes you overestimate the threat, adding to the stress, feeling the threat even more, and in the end, lose control over it.
and the only way to fight it is to do the opposite of what your brain tells you. get enough sleep, eat enough food, stay away from sugar and caffeine, get some fresh air and move your body a little around midday and before you go to bed. laugh. cry your heart out (but only for a limited time). stress hormones are evil, and can mess up your other hormones, the physical changes can help you get enough peace for a moment that you can relax enough to get rid of some of them. makes it a little easier to think constructively.
not that i'm good at following this advice myself, but i've managed to get good enough that i at least eat every day. it took me over a year to get that far after finally getting a job. if i can get a healthy sleep schedule as well, i might finally be able to deal with my anxiety, the one that can get so bad that i drive myself into a suicidal corner. (i'd never act on it, but the feeling is still worse than just a little unpleasant)
i have also noticed that my anxiety increases after the full moon. it stabilizes after a few days, and then i become rather acid in the last few days before the new moon. after that i can relax a little more for a half moon before it starts again. finding any kind of regularity in mood swings can help you handle them better. it's good to be able to tell myself that today is just a very bad day, so i should avoid saying or thinking too much, and try again tomorrow. i can't control my emotions, but i can control my actions to some degree, and on certain days it's better to withdraw when the facade starts to crumble.
as for the unemployment thing, it has nothing to do with your worth as a human being. this is one of the most unfair things ever, most employers would choose someone they know over someone they've never seen before. the right contacts matter so much that i want to curse and scream and tell people to go f[better censor this one]s. a good education can be useless, some times it can even work against you (i do know of a few cases). i never found a job in the city, it was impossible as a single mother with a young child. so i moved back home, to the rural parts where there were no more jobs than in a city, but after a year of unemployment and increasing depression, one of my qualifications was suddenly needed right here. after getting that job, not through applying, but talking to the right people, they started headhunting me (for temporary work, but still...) hopefully i can make this one at the local government permanent. hopefully you'll happen to get along with the right people so you can find something permanent.
here in norway, they tell job searchers to call the workplace and ask relevant questions about the job before sending an application. show interest, let them know that you understand what kind of job it is, give them a nice a voice to remember, and refer to the conversation in the application letter. the chances of getting a job are often higher that way.
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and while waiting for a miracle...
hang in there. it's ok to be weak. me and you are both only human. there is only so much we can do, and so much we can handle.
life is tough, but we can beat it by surviving one day at a time.
worrying about tomorrow is pointless, let it worry about itself while you handle today (this one's not easy though, i fail constantly).
if you feel like pouring some of your burden onto someone else, i'm only a pm and a few time zones away. the burden gets lighter by sharing it, don't wait with doing that if you feel too weak on your own (this is also one where i fail, but... i'll still say it, the offer is genuine, my intent is pure. really.)
love from yet another failure and fraud.