Today has been a ROTTEN day, rotten all the way to the deepest reaches rotten.

Rotten from the very beginning of the day and it was a horrible morning and a crummy afternoon.

But I am not dead, and my life is not over and if I had not had the conversation I had today with the wife, well I'd be still festering, still holding on to feelings that were not dissipated and released and neutralized.

My wife, she is not in a hurry to see me dressed like a woman, but she is more interested in me being happy too. It is not easy on her, and that is the thing, my transition is not just me transitioning. And being silent, it gets me nothing, it says nothing, nothing gets said and nothing gets dealt with.

She dreams of being an old married person, and that involves being married to me. It won't be easy for her, and it won't be easy for me.
But we both have the same goal, to be old and married to each other. Because we both love the person in each other, and not some parts. My not having a penis will not mean I suddenly have no love for her. And frankly not being able to have sex with her, won't prevent us from loving each other. All I get out of having this sex organ, is a capacity to use it. And if neither of us give a damn about the sex act, well then making a big case out of it is doing neither of us any good.

My day might have gone like it often does, if I had not gotten up and had not said anything, but, then again, I would not have heard my wife claiming she wanted to get old with me either.

And I was needing to hear that.

How many of us are right now, living a life of sheer hell, all because we are too afraid to confront our truths out of fears of negative results?
Yes, some of you WILL be married to shallow people that will drop you like a hot rock the moment you tell them the truth.
And some of you will also discover that the person you married really is made of solid gold.
The only unifying thing is, if you say nothing, all of you will remain in your private hells.

I am simply not the sort that will put a career over my sanity, a potential financial hardship over my being free.

I would rather risk the harm in escaping my hell, than sit in it willingly I suppose.

We need to respect our spouses as much as we ask them to respect us.  My wife had been supportive of my transition, but is not attracted to women and does not identify as a lesbian. Does it make her shallow because she won't subordinate her sexual orientation to my gender identification?  Shouldn't both partners be entitled to be authentic to themselves? I am absolutely gutted by my divorce, but I love my wife and want her to be happy and fulfilled in her life.  We can be friends and that can be a beautiful thing as well.  That we are no longer married does not make her shallow or the love shared phony.

There is more than one way to look at relationships.

I really don't think that's what she was implying.  She was merely stating 2 possibilities out of many that could occur if you come out to your SO.

Quote from: Antonia J on August 24, 2013, 09:54:30 PM
We need to respect our spouses as much as we ask them to respect us.  My wife had been supportive of my transition, but is not attracted to women and does not identify as a lesbian. Does it make her shallow because she won't subordinate her sexual orientation to my gender identification?  Shouldn't both partners be entitled to be authentic to themselves? I am absolutely gutted by my divorce, but I love my wife and want her to be happy and fulfilled in her life.  We can be friends and that can be a beautiful thing as well.  That we are no longer married does not make her shallow or the love shared phony.

There is more than one way to look at relationships.

My apologies if that was not what was intended.  I am not trying to be argumentation, either. Just sensitive to criticism of SO feelings as much to those transitioning. Maybe too sensitive

My wife is too, also not at all lesbian. Yeah that would be handy, but I would be inclined to think it extremely unlikely that the average hetero couple can have a partner that discovers they are TG and the other conveniently just happens to also secretly be the correct orientation to have no problem with it.

Am I suggesting all spouses that can't reconcile the circumstances are shallow? Not at all, I AM suggesting that plenty will be, but it is more likely more will simply be unable to cope and nothing beyond that.

Antonia comments that the divorce "absolutely gutted here". I think that would be likely the result of just about any divorce for any reason under the sun if you ask me.

If my wife were to leave me, it likely would kill me. Not figuratively, it would leave me totally uninterested in life. I doubt you'd hear about it if that happened, the last thing I would be doing, it ensuring people on the internet were aware I was ending it all. I would not be looking for attention nor help stopping me.

It is good Antonia was able to let her wife go her own way, even though as she mentioned, it gutted her.

I suppose there are plenty of marriages that just end like a business deal that is no longer working for both. It isn't always an ugly scene.

The thing is, we only hear about the ugly scenes.

And sadly we hear of very few cases where the marriage endures, the couple adapts and both work towards the new circumstances.
I have no desire to live alone without my wife. My wife has no desire to live alone without me. I suppose we both have no desire to not have each other. And in the end, sex is just a 30 minute sweaty romp in bed, and life is a great deal more than sex. And if you are like most people, heck life is probably not a lot of sex to begin with.

My objective is to get rid of the male, and replace it with the female I wish to be. If that renders my life devoid of a sex life, oh well, ->-bleeped-<- happens, and I can assure you, there are worse things that can happen to a person than loss of a sex life.

Some things are just not easy is all, some things take a lot of effort to over come. Finding out your spouse is not the gender you thought they were, it is what it is, quite a shock. Everyone reacts to sudden adversity and difficulty in their own way. Being transgender isn't quite the same as suddenly being unemployed regardless of how wretched the job market is. It's not the same as losing your home. There's no insurance policy that can 'fix' the problem, because the problem is not something to be 'fixed' and I guess that is the real difference. I'm not going to wake up tomorrow and suddenly be a guy again.

Some people shine when the going gets tough, and some people completely collapse under pressure, and you never really know what will be the case in advance.

And wouldn't you know it, I'm in full scale depressed state, and I get a phone call from my mom's Life Line service, she's fallen and hit her head. Paramedics have been called. It never just rains it pours. I find out after rushing to the hospital, she never went, she sent the parameds off after seeing to her and the only real injury is she put a hole in the friggin wall with her danged head. Still trying to fathom how she managed it from a simple stumble.

Sunday better be absolutely bloody boring I tell ya.