something i noticed within the short timd ive been here is that many FTMs who pass well as men are reluctant to use mens washrooms. but that eventually brought into my mind the awful consequences of using womens rooms instead. so, with the hope of encouraging our transitioned friends to use mens washrooms and for some good laughs, you all are welcome to share your bathroom experiences...

starting with my own story,

i was at an airport of a middleeast country, with 9 other friends who were girls. (fyi-i didnt know then that i was trans, but i did prefer wearing boyish clothes and having my hair short) suddenly we all wanted to use the washroom, it was already full and with us 10, it became so crowded that we had to wait in line outside for our turn. finally the line moved and just as i was stepping in, a cleaner woman was coming out. when she saw me she started yelling 'no no you cant come in here!' i was stunned, my friends tried to explain but didnt know what to say. finally she realized and let me go in!

What a brilliant idea for a topic!

I have had this one a few times, and fairly recently too. I currently don't try and pass, I just wear what I'm comfortable in, however despite being rather large chested and wearing tshirts I still seem to pass.

Anyway the latest one I went into the ladies and no one else was in there. Phew, that's always the best way yeah? By the time I left the cubicle there was a young girl there. She saw me come out, stares at me, you can tell what she's thinking. She then reverses a little towards the door. Turns round and looks up above the entrance door.

Clearly looking to check if SHE was in the right room!!!!

That one always makes me laugh a little (although of course I hate how uncomfortable I feel) because how many of us have ever seen a bathroom with the gender sign on the inside?

Quote from: Mattfromengland on August 22, 2013, 04:53:49 PM
Anyway the latest one I went into the ladies and no one else was in there. Phew, that's always the best way yeah? By the time I left the cubicle there was a young girl there. She saw me come out, stares at me, you can tell what she's thinking. She then reverses a little towards the door. Turns round and looks up above the entrance door.

Clearly looking to check if SHE was in the right room!!!!

That one happened to me recently: I went into the women's room because I was with my mom. Usually when people see me in there I get nothing more than a weird look, but this time a girl about my age walked in, looked at me when I was at the sink, backed out of the bathroom, and then walked back in with a confused look on her face.
It was quite satisfying actually, the proof I needed to tell me I can use the men's room. 

On another note I found being in the US on holiday made my bathroom dysphoria 10 times worse. I figured if I go in wearing a t shirt with my chest clearly visible things are ok.

It wasn't until holidaying I realise how well I pass even in a tshirt, as everyone there seems to be far more vocal about the fact they think you've got it wrong or at the very least purposefully stare in such a way to make sure they have let you know their thoughts.

I think may be in the UK folk are a little more reserved and hide their thoughts on this.

It has had a very negative effect on my confidence knowing that in the UK even if people don't make their thoughts known they think I'm in the wrong room.

Well, I've got a few XD

My school decided it'd be brilliant to change a boys' bathroom into a girls' one, but considering that left a 3:1 bathroom ratio on that floor, plenty of guys would still use it during class anyway. I went in there and did my business, and when I was washing my hands this little asian girl walked in, saw me, and ran out. Poor girl 

I tried using the girls' room because I didn't want to run into any awkward situations with people I was closeted to, but it got hard to do that when girls kept asking what I was doing in there and thought I was a creep or something. Mind you, I already felt like one being in there. So I gave up and tried avoiding the restrooms altogether until around the end of last year when I ended up being half-dragged into one by a guy I'm stealth to because we were having a conversation and he didn't want to interrupt it. I was a bit weirded out being in there, but several guys walked in and out and no one questioned. Big win for me, considering guys are a rare breed at this school and people are gendered as female automatically until proven otherwise.

Now I'm starting to get a lot less anxious about using the mens' in public and all, not once have I been questioned in there. I even went into one with a wet t-shirt draped over my bare chest and board shorts and no one cared, it was great! Pretty sure I'd be kicked out of the ladies' room by screaming women hitting me with their purses if I tried using one now 

Quote from: CursedFireDean on August 22, 2013, 04:57:27 PM
That one happened to me recently: I went into the women's room because I was with my mom. Usually when people see me in there I get nothing more than a weird look, but this time a girl about my age walked in, looked at me when I was at the sink, backed out of the bathroom, and then walked back in with a confused look on her face.
It was quite satisfying actually, the proof I needed to tell me I can use the men's room.

Mmm it's funny isn't it (well afterwards, not so funny at the time).

Congrats on passing

Until recently I've never tried passing as I was dead set on the idea of never acting on my trans feelings. However after a very enlightening couple of sessions with my Psychotherapist, I am sooooooo ready to do this. Once I'm binding effectively I suspect I may try and move over to the gents, as I'm sure I'll get far less funny looks. My BF's been telling me this for years, but I never believed him

 Up intil highschool I almost never used public washrooms. Even in grade school I remember trying to use the male washrooms and getting in trouble for it. This gave me kind of like a phobia where I only wanted to use home washroom in fear of getting laughed at. I peed my pants a lot on account of not being able to hold it all day and try and make it home in highschool I used to do the duck and sneak into the girls washroom because I wasn't out as trans. I was in grade 12 so all the grade 10s-12s knew me but the new grade 9's did not. Which made it awkward. Some times I would get trapped in there by a flock of girls and have to wait in the stall until they left. When I started college i passed well (90%) and instead of using my birth name I informed my teachers of my preferred name instead. The first couple months were shaky. I was still scared that some guy would try to start something but I quickly learned that (most) guys are way too homophobic to even look you in the eye in the washroom. Now I use the mens washroom 24/7 with no issues or crazy stories. Except shark week. then I try to use single washroom bathrooms.

The only time I've tried to use a male public toilet (pretty much just a fancy portaloo in the middle of nowhere) I opened the door to find a bloke backside hanging out his jeans. I quickly shut the door and dived into the disabled one because I was worried he'd notice I'd gone into the female one next door.

That same holiday I was in a female bathroom, and washing my hands, a woman came in, saw me, and did the double check of the door. I didn't imagine that anyone would actually do that although I'd heard the stories.
My worst bathroom experience actually shook me up a bit. I was in a pub helping my friend get a drink of water because she felt sick, on one of my friends birthday parties. There were quite a few people I'd never met there, and one girl came put of the cubicle and just stared at me, eventually asking, "What's he doing in here?" I couldn't face answering that I was female, because we'll, I'm not, and left it to my friend to point out it was okay. Later on the landlord opens the door, reaches in and grabs me by the collar and tries to pull me out shouting and swearing at me. I wrenched myself away and managed not to get dragged out, but shortly after that we all got kicked out, probably no thanks to me. In my anger I punched the tampon machine and could hardly move my hand for a week or so.

The funniest bathroom experience I have had actually was before I started using the men's. Wasn't passing and at work I was not out yet. So I was at this conference and I nearly walked in the men's room. I broke down and started laughing. Two women started laughing as well. I am pretty sure, I was laughing for a whole different reason than they were.

I stopped using the women's room when I talked with some guys at Philly Transhealth and we all decided we were safer in the men's room as men in RRs never pay attention to anything anyway, while women are very aware of their surroundings.


--Jay

i can't go into a bathroom without a friend going with me, and this was even more so the start of my freshman year of high school. i was at the mall with some friends of mine, and the three of us went into the bathroom. we finished and washed our hands. one of my friends was going through his "scene" phase and started fixing his eyeliner in the mirror, which i didn't think was a big deal. just as we were about finished i heard a deep voice behind us say a very homophobic slur, and naturally with my anxiety, i thought he was talking to me, i almost peed my pants haha but i turned around to realize he was talking to my friend. i was slightly relieved yet still pretty upset over it, especially since it was some twenty-something dude trying to start a fight with 14 and 13 year olds. ah well.

that same year i went into the bathroom at my school with the same friends during after school band rehearsal. that year i played alto sax, and my senior section leader happened to be in the bathroom at the same time. he glared at me and asked, "are you sure you're supposed to be in here?" he worded it in a neutral way but i knew he was trying to be a dirtbag. i hated that kid. the rest of practice was awful.

Quote from: AlexanderC on August 22, 2013, 05:42:17 PM
"What's he doing in here?"

Slightly off topic, well.....off the bathroom topic but similar as it's a case of people thinking you're in the wrong clothes instead of the wrong room.

Reading this bit of your post Alex reminds me of another incident that happened to me.

I was, dare I say it, wearing a skirt (yuck-washes mouth out with soap and water. For the record I haven't worn one now for 21 years) and must have been around 14 or 15. I was crossing the road and two young lads were playing when one shouts out to the other (and I'm pretty sure these were more or less his exact words):

"Oh, that boy's got a skirt on"

PROUD TRANS MOMENT!!!!

Quote from: Mattfromengland on August 22, 2013, 05:00:53 PM
On another note I found being in the US on holiday made my bathroom dysphoria 10 times worse. I figured if I go in wearing a t shirt with my chest clearly visible things are ok.

It wasn't until holidaying I realise how well I pass even in a tshirt, as everyone there seems to be far more vocal about the fact they think you've got it wrong or at the very least purposefully stare in such a way to make sure they have let you know their thoughts.

I think may be in the UK folk are a little more reserved and hide their thoughts on this.

It has had a very negative effect on my confidence knowing that in the UK even if people don't make their thoughts known they think I'm in the wrong room.

interesting, the absolute worst experience i had in a bathrooom was in the uk. I also experienced much more general and frequent hostility in the uk when i "didnt pass" than i did in the US. Maybe its cultural misunderstanding or something. Maybe in the us folks are just a bit more thoughtful or something about it...

Quote from: chuck on August 23, 2013, 07:01:34 AM
interesting, the absolute worst experience i had in a bathrooom was in the uk. I also experienced much more general and frequent hostility in the uk when i "didnt pass" than i did in the US. Maybe its cultural misunderstanding or something. Maybe in the us folks are just a bit more thoughtful or something about it...

Hmmm that's interesting. Sorry to hear of your bad experience.

All I've had is either people staring at you, or looking back to see if THEY are wrong, or occasionally saying something. If they say something then of course I'll reply and my voice confirms thay are wrong and I am right. They then usually look embarrassed.

Still unpleasant whatever though.

When I was in the UK for holiday I saw lots of unisex toilets (yay!) so I went into those instead. No weird glares, no fuss, no problems. I love unisex toilets!

But anyway, some may know I cut off my dreads (yes, really. Not kidding), and since I did so I have been gendered as male like FIVE times in a row! (Downside is that when they said "Hey, young man" and I replied with "Yes?" they were like "Ohhhh, sorry miss!" EACH time. Argh! Stupid people...) One of them was when I wanted to go to the toilet. I was in my *cough* hell week *cough*, so using the men's was definitely out of the question. (I wanted to do it for a sec tho, as the line for the women's was super LONG and I hate standing in line for the toilet. I really want to get it over with A.S.A.P.) At some point the girl in front of me turned around, looking over me awkwardly and saying "Ehh, dude, this is the girls!"
Ahhhh, that word... "dude"
Almost gave me a laughing fit, but managed not to once I realized it was in my favourite week of the month *sarcasm* and really HAD to use the women's and HAD to tell her. I just mumbled a quiet "I know", unable to say "I AM a girl". She got the hint, but still looked at me with a "what-a-freak" expression and I heard her giggle with her friends when I walked out.
God, that was SO awkward #O___O#

But I'm still happy that she said "dude" Hah!

A few days ago I had the same experience with checking if I'M in the right bathroom. Now I pass in every situation so I was confused. I was at a party in a boat at went to the men's bathroom, and this girl just came out...I needed to go back to see if I didn't make a mistake  Turned out his bf (I suppose) was in one of the stalls xD Everything's clear 

Quote from: Mattfromengland on August 22, 2013, 05:00:53 PM
I think may be in the UK folk are a little more reserved and hide their thoughts on this.

^ This. I grew up in South Africa, where the society is very much like American society in that strangers seem to think they have a right to get in your business.

When I moved back to the UK, I noticed that British people keep themselves to themselves a heck of a lot more. They don't tend to stare so much, and they don't tend to pass comment. People can wear, do or say the most ridiculous things in the UK (and frankly, they often do LOL) and they're largely ignored by passers-by.

That having been said, British women are far more judgemental and critical of those of us who don't pass well than men are, at least in general public toilets. I used to get lots of nasty looks all the time in the women's toilets until I switched to the men's last year. Since then, I've had maybe one or two confused-looking guys, but on the whole I've had a lot less hassle than I ever had in the women's.

Speaking as an FTMSO, we have had so many hilarious bathroom trips in the last 2 years of our relationship. My partner is pre everything but is lucky enough that she passes without a deal of effort.

Almost every bathroom trip we make together (to female bathrooms) are met by glares and double glances at the sign on the door. If people are particularly rude we generally start making them feel uncomfortable by either kissing or having loud arrogant conversations including things like 'OMG are you in a girls bathroom? How dare you be anything out of the norm.'

It's generally me that gets most upset about it. My partner just laughs it off and couldn't care less half the time.

It annoying for me, but i wasnt out or knew what trans was but i always seem to pass as a boy grown up anyway and i wasnt even trying. I always get screamed at, get weird looks and cleaners will say this is the ladys room you know. But always felt really uneasy. But now i use the gent all the time and how i wish i came out a lot sooner.

Can anyone who uses the gents comment on this thought???  I have been thinking, it's ok that we can use a cubicle, BUT isn't it uncomfortable if you think someone might see that you're feet are facing the wrong way for taking a P?

Just worried in case I'd find the gents just as uncomfortable but for different reasons than I do the ladies.

Anyone got any advice or thoughts???

ta!! 

Quote from: Mattfromengland on August 27, 2013, 05:03:26 PM
Can anyone who uses the gents comment on this thought???  I have been thinking, it's ok that we can use a cubicle, BUT isn't it uncomfortable if you think someone might see that you're feet are facing the wrong way for taking a P?

Just worried in case I'd find the gents just as uncomfortable but for different reasons than I do the ladies.

Anyone got any advice or thoughts???

ta!! 

Ok, so you sat down because you needed to pee and your feet point forwards. That's just the way it goes with your physiology. So think about this: do cisguys ever sit down to use the loo?

You know they do.

And which way do their feet point when they're sat on the throne?

Exactly.

But it's only natural to feel a bit nervous if you're worried about being challenged, so there are two things I do to make myself feel more comfortable:

• I might take longer than I need, and pull more toilet paper off the roll than I actually require, to make it seem like I've had a no. 2
• If I don't have the time or patience for that, I just lift the toilet seat up whilst I flush, so it looks to the next guy waiting that I stood to pee. This is a major confidence boost.

Oh, and as we've established elsewhere, plenty of cisguys pee in cubicles for various reasons... and plenty of them sit to pee.