Quote from: big kim on September 02, 2013, 03:37:59 PM
Thanks Shantel,he's 85 so it's probably a bit to late to see the light.He'll lay off it again when it makes him ill again then start again.

Oh so sad hon!  ((Hugs))

I am stressing about finances.

I just melted one of my nails....no not fake nails, my actual nail.  Smells a lot like hair burning and I had grown them for close to 2 months...grrrr

So, I'm down to rationing my meds, only taking half what I'm supposed to be taking. Thats what happens when you're stuck with no job I guess, you do what you can to put food on the table and a roof over your family's head. I know I'm really depressed because I've been playing Star Trek Online for almost 3 days solid, only sleeping when I cant keep my eyes open anymore. Oh and my unemployment runs out this week. I hope I can get an extension. God, I am so fed up with my life. why does EVERYTHING have to be an uphill battle?

Got very upset last night when each of my kids went and sat next to their dad & gave him a big fat cuddle... but completely & utterly ignored me. As per usual.

I eventually had to say something about it. It's very cruel of them - and emotionally abusive - to exclude me from all forms of affection in this way. Of course, that started a huge argument and I wound up crying (dammit, T - get working already!).

They're doing it because a) they're teenagers and b) they're embarrassed/uncomfortable/whatever with my transition. My eldest in particular is very vile towards me when she gets in one of her moods.

I know that this sort of rebellious behaviour is perfectly normal for kids their age. Boy, do I know: this is the second set of teenagers I've raised so I've been here before. But it hurts so badly when you're going through transition and are naturally worried about how that will affect your life... and then your own children tell you they don't want to be seen in public with you.

Hubby said that the kids just need more time. But the thing is, they've had a year already since I came out to them and they haven't moved on: they're still stuck in the 'anger' stage. Of course, I started T last week (but still haven't told the family) so I said to Hubby last night that we don't have the luxury of time. That time ran out last month when I took my first shot. Things are going to move very rapidly over the next few months and it's going to be a very bumpy ride.

I called my son's day care weeks ago and was told that there was a spot for him and that everything was ready to go. I got a call from the head person asking me to call a number and ask for a referral. She didn't say who they were or what they were for. I called the very next day and left a message, but hadn't heard back. Again, I have no idea who these people are or how they operate. For all I knew, that was normal (and actually quite likely to be normal- it took me months to hear back from the speech program). So we go in this morning and... she claims he's not registered. I was told he was weeks ago. I spoke to her personally on the phone. Luckily, he got in anyway. It wouldn't have been a big deal for today or tomorrow, but once classes start, I'd be screwed. But still... It's frustrating.

tonight (i think we have 12 hours time difference) i have to drive all around the city to buy my hormones medication. it took me 3 hours and visiting 7 different pharmacies. They keep saying, sorry we're not selling it. 

A lot of frustration for some reason over the "thing that should not be."

I've really girlied out. as a kid, I had fun catching grasshoppers and letting them go. Today a cicada flew into the Blazer as we sat by the school to pick our son up. It went under my legs by the pedals. I could feel its wings beating away against my legs and I screamed like a little girl and got out as fast as I could. -_- again,  I felt embarrassed. I heard the guy in the truck parked right behind me chuckle too. -_-

Even my wife didn't scream. lol

Cold damp whether conditions setting off various old injuries which of course result in getting a migraine as well 

Quote from: V M on September 03, 2013, 09:48:16 PM
Cold damp whether conditions setting off various old injuries which of course result in getting a migraine as well 

Poor baby, not fun!  ((Hugs))

I somehow lost my keys. They were in my pocket. My pocket has no holes or other means through which keys can fall neither can I find my keys anywhere I have been today. They are not in another pair of pants. They are not in any of the places I usually put them. It's my first day of classes tomorrow. I am freaking out and I don't know what to do.

Thinking unhappy thoughts right now. I think I'm a bad person.

Feeling like a man.  It makes me really aggressive (probably more passive aggressive) and angry.  I hate it.  I just want to go back to feeling like a girl again.  Or at least agender or something in between. I don't even care that I'm not feeling any body dysmorphia, its much more preferable to have that compared to this.

Being unable to see my clinical psych today due to being bedridden with a migraine.

Thunder and lightening two nights in a row. My border collie was running around panting and drooling last night and closed himself in the bathroom and ate the end off of a new little designer rug I had placed in there and then proceeded to scratch the paint off the door and molding. I put him out in the garage and he tried to eat his way back into the house chewing up the jamb and molding, I almost put a .380 slug through the top of his head, I hate being awakened with a lot of drama going on! I love the dog, but he'll be my last one. I just shelled out $80 at the groomer because he stinks and is such a hairball, this has to be done every other month, then the carpet people picked up our carpets for cleaning and treating, another $230 every year or the house would smell like a effing dog. I can't deal with it any longer, I can't even go anywhere without having to pay for dog boarding. We went to the groomer yesterday, when I got him out of the car he took a huge dump in a puddle just outside their door, so I was busy with a plastic bag rounding up dog bumbles, then we went inside and he took an enormous piss on their carpet. I know he's just a dog but I'm mad as hell and I'm not taking it anymore, WTF!!!    Rant over I feel better already! 

Wasting $5 going to my sister's birthday party when someone backed out at the last minute (she had reservations as this expensive restaruant).

I didn't even eat what i got. I just got the cheapest thing cuz I had to buy something.  I just gave that nasty looking appetizer to my mom.

Tomorrow I'll be taking my last spiro and estrogen for a while due to my lack of employment. I'm not sure when I can afford it again, maybe next week or when my Unemployment Extension kicks in. At least I got approved for that. I am not looking forward to Testosterone coming back online. I had been rationing  it for the last week or so, taking half the dosage each day and I already find it hard to wake up. really hard.but when I'm awake I have to force myself to sleep. my appetite has changed too, I have one main meal a day and it's usually about 1 am.  Yay for a crappy economy for trans people.

Having a guy who is sexist, class elitist and incompetent at running his own party being elected as our Prime Minister.

Quote from: Shantel on September 06, 2013, 11:47:13 AM
Thunder and lightening two nights in a row. My border collie was running around panting and drooling last night and closed himself in the bathroom and ate the end off of a new little designer rug I had placed in there and then proceeded to scratch the paint off the door and molding. I put him out in the garage and he tried to eat his way back into the house chewing up the jamb and molding, I almost put a .380 slug through the top of his head, I hate being awakened with a lot of drama going on! I love the dog, but he'll be my last one. I just shelled out $80 at the groomer because he stinks and is such a hairball, this has to be done every other month, then the carpet people picked up our carpets for cleaning and treating, another $230 every year or the house would smell like a effing dog. I can't deal with it any longer, I can't even go anywhere without having to pay for dog boarding. We went to the groomer yesterday, when I got him out of the car he took a huge dump in a puddle just outside their door, so I was busy with a plastic bag rounding up dog bumbles, then we went inside and he took an enormous piss on their carpet. I know he's just a dog but I'm mad as hell and I'm not taking it anymore, WTF!!!    Rant over I feel better already! 

Oh my, we had a border collie just like this when I was a kid. For an otherwise clever dog, the thunder phobia was extreme. If we weren't home and she ended up outside during a storm, she would destroy the house siding trying to 'dig' her way in. On another occasion she dug herself under the house to escape the noise and had to be rescued a day or two later when we finally discovered where she was.

The things dog owners put up with! Hopefully your guy provides at least a couple positive feelings here and there