Its just that everytime someone starts talking about pregnant women or mention sperm I instantly feel this rush of anger go through me, My friends have talked about wanting kids when they get older, I can't even get in on the conversation because, I don't produce sperm so I can't have any, Even being in class and teachers getting in on the conversation or bringing it up like today, And its not something I can just get over because I love kids and holding babies

Quote from: Brandon on September 05, 2013, 03:48:02 PM
My friends have talked about wanting kids when they get older, I can't even get in on the conversation because, I don't produce sperm so I can't have any

I don't know your sexual orientation but you CAN have a child one day. My gf and I are planning on starting in about 3 or 4 years once College is over. We are actively looking into a sperm bank in California that is owned/operated by lesbians. They cater to the LGBT community. Granted the child won't be mine biologically but in my opinion that doesn't regulate the love I will have for my child and vice versa. 

I understand your frustrations but do realize you have options when you're ready.

They're actually very close to being able to make sperm from 'female' DNA. So you may be able to have a kid with your own sperm dude.

Quote from: Si on September 05, 2013, 05:45:10 PM
I don't know your sexual orientation but you CAN have a child one day. My gf and I are planning on starting in about 3 or 4 years once College is over. We are actively looking into a sperm bank in California that is owned/operated by lesbians. They cater to the LGBT community. Granted the child won't be mine biologically but in my opinion that doesn't regulate the love I will have for my child and vice versa. 

I understand your frustrations but do realize you have options when you're ready.

Im a straight guy, That's to much money, I already have to get surgery, Plus I want to see my wife give birth one day

Quote from: Si on September 05, 2013, 05:45:10 PM
I don't know your sexual orientation but you CAN have a child one day. My gf and I are planning on starting in about 3 or 4 years once College is over. We are actively looking into a sperm bank in California that is owned/operated by lesbians. They cater to the LGBT community. Granted the child won't be mine biologically but in my opinion that doesn't regulate the love I will have for my child and vice versa. 

I understand your frustrations but do realize you have options when you're ready.

And I want biological kids sorry

Quote from: CursedFireDean on September 05, 2013, 05:53:49 PM
They're actually very close to being able to make sperm from 'female' DNA. So you may be able to have a kid with your own sperm dude.

Yea I'm sure but how long will that take.

There's PLENTY of cis guys who can't get women pregnant either. It's not unique to us. Also, there's always adoption. As an orphaned kid, who was eventually adopted myself, I feel very strongly that adoption should always be considered.  Parenting is far more than blood. One of my best friends is a deaf black girl from Sri Lanka who was adopted by 2 white people from Scotland. She was given a chance by people who could essentially pick and choose who they adopted! And the couple picked a child that could never be mistaken for being theirs (only reason I stated race).  They ended up adopting 7 different kids, including 3 siblings to keep them together. Very admirable. And they only opened up to the idea of adoption because they could not get pregnant (father was infertile). 

Also, who's to say your wife will even want to get pregnant?  That's not really your choice, and plenty of women aren't in any rush to get pregnant, especially in this economy and with the drive for career taking priority over raising a family, at least early on. So by the time you are ready to have a family, and assuming your wife does want to be pregnant, medical advances could well have been made!  Sometimes you need to take a step back. Not all dudes can impregnate women and not all women want to be pregnant. You're getting ahead of yourself with this one. It's best to concentrate on what you can fix than fixate on what is currently unattainable.

Brandon, I can't remember if you are in therapy or are likely to be in therapy anytime soon--a good therapist (especially a gender therapist) should be able to help you out with this one. My therapist helped me a few times with techniques to deal with various issues I have, some of them relating to gender dysphoria.

On my own, I found that I sometimes get angry and just feed into it without fully realizing that I can do something about it. So when I find myself becoming angry (about whatever), I try to focus on my breathing, and I work the kinks out of my back, shoulders, and neck--all places where my tension collects. I had to train myself to do this, and I'm still learning to do it consistently.

I'm kind of the opposite of you. I don't like kids, don't want kids, run a mile to avoid babies, and am even uncomfortable when I see a pregnant woman in the grocery store. I don't hang out with women, and I have enough control over my life situation that I can avoid most kid-related triggers. Sounds like that's not really an option for you. I hope someone comes along with some helpful advice soon.

Quote from: Arch on September 05, 2013, 08:53:37 PM
Brandon, I can't remember if you are in therapy or are likely to be in therapy anytime soon--a good therapist (especially a gender therapist) should be able to help you out with this one. My therapist helped me a few times with techniques to deal with various issues I have, some of them relating to gender dysphoria.

On my own, I found that I sometimes get angry and just feed into it without fully realizing that I can do something about it. So when I find myself becoming angry (about whatever), I try to focus on my breathing, and I work the kinks out of my back, shoulders, and neck--all places where my tension collects. I had to train myself to do this, and I'm still learning to do it consistently.

I'm kind of the opposite of you. I don't like kids, don't want kids, run a mile to avoid babies, and am even uncomfortable when I see a pregnant woman in the grocery store. I don't hang out with women, and I have enough control over my life situation that I can avoid most kid-related triggers. Sounds like that's not really an option for you. I hope someone comes along with some helpful advice soon.

No I can't see a therapist right know, My mom doesn't support me for religious reasons, And theirs really nothing I can do about, That's why even though I love babies and holding them, I hate when people talk about sex or having kids

Quote from: Jack_M on September 05, 2013, 08:27:27 PM
There's PLENTY of cis guys who can't get women pregnant either. It's not unique to us. Also, there's always adoption. As an orphaned kid, who was eventually adopted myself, I feel very strongly that adoption should always be considered.  Parenting is far more than blood. One of my best friends is a deaf black girl from Sri Lanka who was adopted by 2 white people from Scotland. She was given a chance by people who could essentially pick and choose who they adopted! And the couple picked a child that could never be mistaken for being theirs (only reason I stated race).  They ended up adopting 7 different kids, including 3 siblings to keep them together. Very admirable. And they only opened up to the idea of adoption because they could not get pregnant (father was infertile). 

Also, who's to say your wife will even want to get pregnant?  That's not really your choice, and plenty of women aren't in any rush to get pregnant, especially in this economy and with the drive for career taking priority over raising a family, at least early on. So by the time you are ready to have a family, and assuming your wife does want to be pregnant, medical advances could well have been made!  Sometimes you need to take a step back. Not all dudes can impregnate women and not all women want to be pregnant. You're getting ahead of yourself with this one. It's best to concentrate on what you can fix than fixate on what is currently unattainable.

I wouldn't adopt as I've I already said I want to see my wife give birth, And that some cismales can't get woman pregnant thing is getting old and Ive heard it so much that its not helping, I have not met one cisguy that can't produce sperm,

Quote from: Brandon on September 05, 2013, 09:07:49 PM
I wouldn't adopt as I've I already said I want to see my wife give birth, And that some cismales can't get woman pregnant thing is getting old and Ive heard it so much that its not helping, I have not met one cisguy that can't produce sperm,

By the way most of the girls I've talked to want kids, And want to experience motherhood, Even the girl I'm attracted to know wants them

Quote from: Brandon on September 05, 2013, 09:07:49 PM
I wouldn't adopt as I've I already said I want to see my wife give birth, And that some cismales can't get woman pregnant thing is getting old and Ive heard it so much that its not helping, I have not met one cisguy that can't produce sperm,

I doubt they're likely to tell you, most people don't say "Hey, I am Mike and I am infertile, nice to meet you". I know cis-men who are infertile, they're out there.

You're a young man, you shouldn't be worrying about having kids right now, give it time. Wait until you're 18 and can see a gender therapist without worrying about your mom and discuss these questions with the therapist. They can help you figure out the best options for having kids one day.

But, sadly, the thing is, we can't have everything. Unfortunately, they can't make functioning testes during FTM bottom surgery. Whether we like it or not, if we want kids, we're stuck using IVF techniques, sperm donors on our (bio-female) spouse (or ourselves), or adoption.

I am sure you're going to say this doesn't help, but there's not much more we can do. Sorry. You just need to focus on what you do have, what you can do, make the best out of life, and learn to live with the rest. Focus on feeling like the man you are inside and ignore the BS people say to you otherwise.

Quote from: LearnedHand on September 05, 2013, 09:32:52 PM
I doubt they're likely to tell you, most people don't say "Hey, I am Mike and I am infertile, nice to meet you". I know cis-men who are infertile, they're out there.

You're a young man, you shouldn't be worrying about having kids right now, give it time. Wait until you're 18 and can see a gender therapist without worrying about your mom and discuss these questions with the therapist. They can help you figure out the best options for having kids one day.

But, sadly, the thing is, we can't have everything. Unfortunately, they can't make functioning testes during FTM bottom surgery. Whether we like it or not, if we want kids, we're stuck using IVF techniques, sperm donors on our (bio-female) spouse (or ourselves), or adoption.

I am sure you're going to say this doesn't help, but there's not much more we can do. Sorry. You just need to focus on what you do have, what you can do, make the best out of life, and learn to live with the rest. Focus on feeling like the man you are inside and ignore the BS people say to you otherwise.

What do I have, Nothing, And I'm no that young, In case you haven seen how fast time us going by, Its still so hard to consider myself a man when I'm lacking parts I feel dumb for calling myself a man but thanks

Quote from: Brandon on September 05, 2013, 07:31:27 PM
Im a straight guy, That's to much money, I already have to get surgery, Plus I want to see my wife give birth one day

We're planning on doing at home insemination and six months worth of trying will be about 3 grand. If someone can't afford that then they can't afford to raise a baby anyways. My wife will be giving birth.

As far as the biological aspect you could do that. They could take an egg from you, inseminate it, and then place it in your wife's uterus. Basically she would be your surrogate. However, that is when things start getting seriously expensive.

You're young and haven't even got a gf right now from what I'm gathering in your posts. Honestly if I was in your shoes (pre transition/pre relationship) I would be focusing on myself. You seem very defensive and very rushed. Give it time. Good things come to those who wait and plan ahead. I wish you luck.

Quote from: Si on September 05, 2013, 09:44:06 PM
We're planning on doing at home insemination and six months worth of trying will be about 3 grand. If someone can't afford that then they can't afford to raise a baby anyways. My wife will be giving birth.

As far as the biological aspect you could do that. They could take an egg from you, inseminate it, and then place it in your wife's uterus. Basically she would be your surrogate. However, that is when things start getting seriously expensive.

You're young and haven't even got a gf right now from what I'm gathering in your posts. Honestly if I was in your shoes (pre transition/pre relationship) I would be focusing on myself. You seem very defensive and very rushed. Give it time. Good things come to those who wait and plan ahead. I wish you luck.

Right.........

Quote from: Brandon on September 05, 2013, 09:54:29 PM
Right.........

You might want to elaborate. I don't know exactly what this means, and I'm probably not the only one.

ETA: Of course, I am falling back on long-ingrained memories of a particular Bill Cosby skit...

I guess none of us know what to say to help. There's several options and you're not happy with any, so I guess this is more of a venting session, and that's fine, just that we're kinda running out of ways to try and help here.

I can assure you that there are infertile males out there and plenty of them. It's actually becoming more and more of a problem with sperm count generally on the decrease, no one quite knows why but diet may be a factor. Anyways, that's a whole other topic. Infertility does happen. The way you, and other transguys who'd like to have the ability to make a baby, feel is the same as infertile cis guys.  And that inability to produce fertile sperm isn't something guys announce to the world! Also, you have to actually be trying for a child or accidentally have knocked up someone before you can know if you're fertile or not. I'd imagine that for many people you know if you're in school, they won't even know if they're even able to produce viable sperm or not anyway. So 1) They'd have to be diagnosed as infertile or have knocked someone up to know and 2) They'd then have to actually tell you and what business is that of yours?  And not having the right parts doesn't make you any less of a man. Not all transguys want bottom surgery, they're still legit guys. I know one cis guy who, through a childhood accident, has no better than a meta; actually a lot less compared to some at that. Being a man has got nothing to do with what's in your pants. If you want that, then that's fine, but it's not the definition of being a man, it's just one of many physical attributes, and it's the one best hidden and easily faked in every day life. Being a man is all about who you are in your brain first, all the rest is secondary.

Men can be infertile.
Men can lack typical male genitalia.
Men can have moobs.
Men can be unable to grow facial hair.
Men can have high voices.

None of what these men have or lack makes them less of a man. Gender identity is what you identify as in your brain. That's where it all counts.

Its hard to believe but ok

I agree with everything that has been said here so far. I know highschool is very genderbased, and the boys are very testosterone driven, trying to be top dogs and being very competative. It's very black and white. You're not a man if you don't have a schlong, end of story. But this will change as you get older. People will develop and get more open minded, and learn that the world is not black and white. There's a lot of gray areas, and many will learn that being a man is much more than having the equipment. Keep that in mind when you feel blue at school again. It won't stay that way.

That being said, you want the impossible. Basically, you want to have been born a man and produce sperm. We all want that, clearly. But that didnt happen, and nothing we can do can change that sad fact. But there are a lot of things that we can change. Focus on that. And no, it won't happen now, or within a few weeks or moths, maybe even years. But it will happen. As for getting biological kids via your own sperm. Forget it. That's the hard truth. Instead of continuing with wanting that, you better start accepting that it won't happen. It will open your mind to alternatives.

If something you want is unatainable, such as being born a man, you need coping techniques to deal with this. A therapist will help. Is it possible that you can convince your mom you want to see one because you feel very unhappy and depressed? Don't even mention the gender issues you have, and she may allow it. Once at the therapist, you can discuss with him whatever you want. 

Quote from: Mr.X on September 06, 2013, 06:53:46 AM
I agree with everything that has been said here so far. I know highschool is very genderbased, and the boys are very testosterone driven, trying to be top dogs and being very competative. It's very black and white. You're not a man if you don't have a schlong, end of story. But this will change as you get older. People will develop and get more open minded, and learn that the world is not black and white. There's a lot of gray areas, and many will learn that being a man is much more than having the equipment. Keep that in mind when you feel blue at school again. It won't stay that way.

That being said, you want the impossible. Basically, you want to have been born a man and produce sperm. We all want that, clearly. But that didnt happen, and nothing we can do can change that sad fact. But there are a lot of things that we can change. Focus on that. And no, it won't happen now, or within a few weeks or moths, maybe even years. But it will happen. As for getting biological kids via your own sperm. Forget it. That's the hard truth. Instead of continuing with wanting that, you better start accepting that it won't happen. It will open your mind to alternatives.

If something you want is unatainable, such as being born a man, you need coping techniques to deal with this. A therapist will help. Is it possible that you can convince your mom you want to see one because you feel very unhappy and depressed? Don't even mention the gender issues you have, and she may allow it. Once at the therapist, you can discuss with him whatever you want.

I agree. If you set yourself up that this is the way it absolutely has to be, and it can't be that way, you are setting yourself up to be unhappy your whole life. I agree with seeing a therapist about this as there is no way to change but on the inside.

HS is a very hard time of life at best, and it isn't the best. I think opening your mind to possibilities, perhaps possibilities you aren't entirely comfortable with yet will help you a lot.

Mr. X has excellent advise.

--Jay