I went to work wearing my makeshift binder under my work shirt and made it the whole time! Just took it off an hour or so ago.  My chest hurts, but I'm still alive!  And it made me happy.

Seeing my son for the first time in three weeks.

Catching up with an old friend, who used to run the pub I used to go to way back before I was married and living in Telford, England. He finally figured out who I was after I showed him photos from 2000 and now.

He said "you make a good woman..not being funny lol"

I said, " Really?"

He said," i do yes suits you."

Why can't i have that kind of support over here from family? sheesh.

Quote from: Keaira Raine on September 08, 2013, 05:16:03 AM
Catching up with an old friend, who used to run the pub I used to go to way back before I was married and living in Telford, England. He finally figured out who I was after I showed him photos from 2000 and now.

He said "you make a good woman..not being funny lol"

I said, " Really?"

He said," i do yes suits you."

Why can't i have that kind of support over here from family? sheesh.

It's all about the saying "Familiarity Breeds Contempt!" It's almost an absolute when it comes to close friends and especially family members who have always known you as (Mr or Ms X) and suddenly you flip genders in front of their astounded eyes, they mentally refuse to accept it. Another good example of this phenomena is the the case of Spanx inventor Sara Blakely. All of her friends and especially family members said that her product was a joke and that it would never go anywhere, they did all they could in their power to dissuade her from wasting any further time and money on her idea. She ignored them and is now one of the most successful women in the clothing industry and has become a multi-millionaire. They were convinced that she was going to be a failure because they knew her as just Sara and couldn't mentally and emotionally buy into her idea and swore that she would be a total abject failure. This is potentially what everyone is up against when they transition, but like Sara don't allow the "Nabobs of Negativity" pull you down by ripping and tearing at the fabric of your dreams.

Thinking about yesterday I had the best day: my new binder is supercomfortable, I wore a button-down my parents bought for me that fits perfectly (which is nearly impossible) and my pants were to big (a month ago they were tight!). We also went shopping and my parents bought me an awesome button-down and a pair of pant, my mom referred to me as Nathan a couple of times while I was trying them on and I used the guys bathroom twice! I'm happy as a squirrel :p

Found some old shirts that I had hidden/abandoned underneath everything in my wardrobe while randomly rummaging, and purely because they were too tight around my chest and I didn't feel comfortable wearing them. Then I realized that I can finally wear them now that there's nothing unwanted extra in my upper body.

Congrats Tossu! 

Here's mine, copy and pasted from telling a friend:
I'm wasn't binded today and was kinda sad about it.  Today was really insane because we were crazy busy and our credit card machine went down for a while.

So this adorable little boy kept asking me how much his toy cost.  The mom kept trying to shoosh him. So, I told him I could tell him in just a minute.  He looked up at me and asked "Are you a boy or a girl?"  I was slightly stunned and just smiled at him, trying to figure out how to respond.  The mom's friend looked kinda mortified and asked the mom why he would ask something like that.  She laughed and said that apparently he had been asking everyone that.

He went on to ask me if I had any kids, to which I told him I had a cat.  He asked me the name and I told him Yoda.
But, even though I know I didn't look male, and that wasn't why he was asking, for a moment in time I was really happy.

And the rest of the day wasn't so bad after that.

Still in a good mood actually..

I think I went back to normal today.

I bought some dress clothes over the weekend for my first day of teaching, and they looked good in the fitting room, but I tried on the pants and shirt separately so I wasn't sure how they'd look together. I was scared as I got dressed this morning, thinking my hips/butt would look too feminine in pants as opposed to cargo shorts. But, they really don't! The clothes go well together and I look handsome. Even I see a guy when I look  at myself now, which is a big deal given I am my own worst critic.

I feel like a million bucks! The dress  clothes aren't me, and as soon as class is over I am going into the bathroom to change into shorts and a t-shirt lol. I feel like I am in a monkey suit. But my body really has changed. And I thought, there are so many crappy aspects of transition, there really are. But I am slowly starting to feel better in my own skin. It doesn't even matter to me that I'm a chubby guy anymore.

Had my consultation with the laser place today, hope to start soon.

Quote from: caleb. on September 09, 2013, 08:24:19 AM
I bought some dress clothes over the weekend for my first day of teaching, and they looked good in the fitting room, but I tried on the pants and shirt separately so I wasn't sure how they'd look together. I was scared as I got dressed this morning, thinking my hips/butt would look too feminine in pants as opposed to cargo shorts. But, they really don't! The clothes go well together and I look handsome. Even I see a guy when I look  at myself now, which is a big deal given I am my own worst critic.

I feel like a million bucks! The dress  clothes aren't me, and as soon as class is over I am going into the bathroom to change into shorts and a t-shirt lol. I feel like I am in a monkey suit. But my body really has changed. And I thought, there are so many crappy aspects of transition, there really are. But I am slowly starting to feel better in my own skin. It doesn't even matter to me that I'm a chubby guy anymore.

Hahaha hey congrats Caleb, we all get there eventually!

Caleb. just him.

Getting a nice PM from Auntie Shan, good coffee, and nice weather.

Quote from: LearnedHand on September 09, 2013, 10:32:47 AM
Getting a nice PM from Auntie Shan, good coffee, and nice weather.

That's a ditto at this end, so good to have terrific friends here at Susan's Place. 

Quote from: Shantel on September 09, 2013, 09:26:42 AM
Hahaha hey congrats Caleb, we all get there eventually!

yes

Quote from: Keaira Raine on September 09, 2013, 09:42:26 AM
Caleb. just him.

peach.

Soooo I am indeed passing on campus. I went to the computer store to get an ipod and I got called "young man." I also passed some guys and one said "geez, will you look at these new kids? Man, you look too young." I don't even care if I look like a geeky frosh. Maybe, just maybe this is the term where I can finally just be me. No BS. No rude and unwanted attention. I'm...yeah, we will see what happens when I teach. The professor I deal with is very respectful about not outing me. He knows how much I have wanted to just blend in and I think he could see how hurtful and stressful it was when I had issues with students. the woman that is also working with us does not know I am trans and that is just exactly how I'd like to keep it. She might hear from some others... -_- God I hope not, as she is friends with a woman who knew me before, when I looked pretty female still. I never told her I was trans but I can see her referring to me as a woman to this other person and then causing some confusion lol.

I don't want to get my hopes up! But, the feeling I have had so far, the feeling of just being me and being able to feel comfortable and confident in my maleness for the first time ever, it's worth it. it's made all the BS and waiting and tears all worth it. I hope I'm not excited for nothing and I still pass to my students. But I'll try to enjoy the happiness for now.

Quote from: caleb. on September 09, 2013, 12:11:47 PM

I don't want to get my hopes up! But, the feeling I have had so far, the feeling of just being me and being able to feel comfortable and confident in my maleness for the first time ever, it's worth it. it's made all the BS and waiting and tears all worth it. I hope I'm not excited for nothing and I still pass to my students. But I'll try to enjoy the happiness for now.

Congratulations once again, take a big bite and savor it, we take all we can get in hopes that the flavor lasts forever. Kudos!

@Caleb, sounds like you own your maleness now, you have arrived, Congratulations! I am sure you must have a big smile of Happiness on your face which will last for a while and eventually you will find you blend in and life will be normal. The workplace has changed a lot since I started working. A lot of offices are dress casual now. Me a natal male & not discovering the female side of me until I retired, special family, formal occasion & work it was always shirt, tie, jacket & pants. That dress code had you looking at your best, feeling handsome & good about yourself, I think that really helped when it came to dating girls too. I don't know if you have to be in business attire in your teaching job & if you do, I don't blame you wanting to get changed in to casual clothes, I think most guys were glad to ditch the tie & undo the top button of the shirt.

Happy days & miles of smiles to you.
Cheers
Jamie

Quote from: Jamiep on September 09, 2013, 10:40:25 PM
@Caleb, sounds like you own your maleness now, you have arrived, Congratulations! I am sure you must have a big smile of Happiness on your face which will last for a while and eventually you will find you blend in and life will be normal. The workplace has changed a lot since I started working. A lot of offices are dress casual now. Me a natal male & not discovering the female side of me until I retired, special family, formal occasion & work it was always shirt, tie, jacket & pants. That dress code had you looking at your best, feeling handsome & good about yourself, I think that really helped when it came to dating girls too. I don't know if you have to be in business attire in your teaching job & if you do, I don't blame you wanting to get changed in to casual clothes, I think most guys were glad to ditch the tie & undo the top button of the shirt.

Happy days & miles of smiles to you.
Cheers
Jamie

Thank you Jamie. I don't really have to dress up, for the past 3 times I've done it I just wear whatever lol. My only standard, honestly, is that when I teach I wear pants instead of shorts. So jeans and a t-shirt got a pass in my book. My real issue is that I have a lot of issues with heat and sweating. When I put on pants instead of shorts, and a longer sleeve shirt, the sweat pours. I got something for my armpits which should stop the sides of my shirt from being soaked, but I still sweat very heavily in the thighs, chest, and back. So I don't feel particularly well put together as soon as that happens.

But I did notice that some students were dressed better than I was, so I think I will keep wearing the dress clothes.

Hey Caleb, sounds like you have a good circulation system body wise. My system is still good but compared to my wife I don't have much meat on my bones, my wife sweats & opens windows turns on the air conditioner, she puts on lighter clothes, tees & short & I start putting on warmer clothes closing window & shutting down fans etc & the cycle goes on a few times lol.

Yes, that is quite interesting when the young ones wear dress clothes, makes you feel you better move up from casual clothes. Definitely pride in dressing smart in a professional setting. I understand what you are saying.