If someone with the magical ability to do so, offered to make it so that I was born cis-gender... I would probably turn them down. Certainly not if the choice were to become a cis-male. But to have been born a cis-woman, that would be sorely tempting. I'd certainly accept if I could keep the sum of my life experiences. But if not, I'd like to think that I'd refuse such an offer. To have only been born a cis-gender girl... the thought at first sounds fantastic. But really, were I born that way I would have been someone else, and not the person I am now. The person I am now would have ceased to exist.
And perhaps that would be an acceptable outcome for some, but not for me. I fear the kind of person I would have become had I not been born trans. See, I grew up in a very devout Mormon family. The amount of shame and self-loathing I felt for decades was unbearable. All because the belief system and society I grew up in made me feel ashamed of who I am. They upheld their standards of 'righteous' normativity and looked down upon with disdain anything that deviated from that norm.
Were I to have been born cis-gender I would probably be trapped in that mindset. I would probably be one of them, judging others for their differences, perpetuating the problem of society at large today. And the thought of being that kind of person is more repulsive to me than the realization that I may spend the rest of my life dealing with hate and bigotry. It would even be worse than the pain I feel every day knowing my body doesn't match, nor will it ever fully match, the woman I am inside.
As for being trans, yes, it sucks beyond all suckitude. But I do not so much hate who I am but rather I hate that I had to spend 30+ years in denial and hiding who I am. This life would have been immensely easier to bear had society been open and accepting of this when I was growing up. Had I been able to have been raised as a girl by a loving and accepting family--that would have made all the difference in the world. I'm sure I'd have still felt the dysphoria, but at least I could have been treated before my body was ravaged by testosterone. And I'd probably still be sad that I'll never know what it's like to give birth, but I still could have been a wonderful mother.
But society then wasn't accepting, nor was there really much knowledge and awareness out there in recognizing transgender children. That is changing some, I just hate that society still for the most part isn't accepting of individuals and their differences. Why can't we all treat each other with the same love and respect that we want for ourselves? All the abuse, shame, and violence needs to stop! I hope for the day it does. I hope that our children's children do not have to live in such a world, but rather one in which they are embraced in the arms of love--regardless of who they are.
