Well, i've been buying hormones online for the past 1.5 years. I just started seeing a therapist, who said he'd write a letter to me already for HRT. I called a doctors office in town who an old therapist had on a list of people who would/might prescribe hormones. There are no endocrinologists here. I have no car and the closest endocrinologist is basically 3 hours away by car. I heard back from the doctor in town, he can't/ won't take me as a patient. I don't want to keep getting hormones online, I really don't. So it's the end of the line.

I'll still accept my trans identity, but I think i'll go be gay for a while (went on a first date with a guy last night). And if guys don't work out, of if my sexuality switches back to women because of the lack of estrogen (was "straight" before), I guess i'll have to be "straight" again.

Goodbye, all.

Hey,

You have my support with whatever you decide.  However, you shouldn't feel the need to leave because of one setback.  If you identify as trans, regardless of your transition status, then you can easily fit in here.  It may be helpful to stick around and give everyone your unique perspective.  Nonetheless, I wish you well with whatever you decide and hope you find peace.

By the way, there may be doctors or resources in your area that you didn't realize existed.  Have you be in contact with your local lgbt community?    Having said that, I realize there are limitations in certain areas, so I'm sorry if that isn't much help.   

Good luck with everything!

P.S.  I felt the need to add something to my last post. 

I myself have questioned whether or not to leave the site, so I know how you might feel tentative about participating. Let me say, that everyone here has a special perspective and contributes something to this site.  You may find that this site will help you in the future or that your participation may really help someone in need.  I found out that Susan's was too important for me to sacrifice despite my doubts and perhaps the same will be true for you.

Nonetheless, whether you remain here or not, please do what you feel is best for you.  Whether that is transitioning or not is irrelevant.  What's most important is that you are happy with the direction that you take. 

Again, good luck with everything. 

So I went and got my hair cut. It's less than half the length it was. When she shaved the first side, I literally saw a lesbian in the mirror looking back at me. She kept clipping away. I then had about twice as much hair on top than on the sides, but not too long at all overall. I get back to my dorm. My suitemate (lives next door, share a bathroom connecting the two rooms) says "damn" (because i'm a sexy bish), but really, I put on my sunglasses to see if i'd look good in them (because I ALWAYS wear my sunglasses), he sees and says "holy frack, you pass" I say "pass as what"... he paused and responded with "genderqueer, you mastered androgyny, if I saw you on the street I wouldn't be able to tell if you're male or female until I hear you speak"

I'm sitting here all like "isndf;uihweaionfoibg;naf;fuoiewahbf;iuidslafnoiewajfeawo;ij;sd"

I think i'll stick around for a while.

MagicKitty, you mentioning no car to go to an Endo, and amazed a local Doctor who can prescribe hormones won't take you, you sound young & wonder if this could be just a short set back for you until but your situation could be fluid for changes, perhaps move & have a job in a larger place that has gender friendly Docs & lgbt support. I don't think it has to be the end of the line. I agree with others about the support here and no reason to leave.
I am in a slightly different situation where I tried to start hrt, only on Spiro for 7 weeks & had to stop, after tests and an Endo assessment I am too old for my body to handle hrt. No experience to speak of re anything positive on Spiro, so I don't have any hrt info. re me to be relevant to anyone.
I don't expect to leave, I just may have to alter to a different forum area where my experience is relevant. As my Endo & gender Doctor said I can still live my life dressing as a girl when I can (which is a lot) and be Happy! In my girl brain I am still a transwoman. I wouldn't doubt there are other members that might be in the same situation & can support each other.

When it comes down to it, this is your choice to leave or stay.