I've been out to my sister since well before i started HRT. She came to my room one day when we were both a lot younger and let me know she had some big news about herself that she had to share with me. I assured her i already knew and in fact the news i wanted to share was probably going to trump that .

She says she is fine with my transition and is ultimately supportive of me, but at the moment she is the absolute worst person to have around in my life. It seems she is fine with the way things are, but every step forward i take with my transition she treats like a mortal wound to her. I came out to my Uncle today and am so relieved that he has taken it so well and is really very supportive, and all she can say in response is that he is not being honest. We can't seem to talk about the subject of transition without her getting angry or otherwise upset, but today i managed to get some of what she feels deep down.

Apparently me going through transition, leaves me vulnerable and open to judgement (?), and as a result i can no longer protect and be the pillar of my immediate family. This is a role that she now feels she has to take on. I mean is she being serious?!
After which she added, "since i am being honest, and don't get hurt by what i am about to say, but do you think that with all the surgeries that you will pass as a woman?". She continues "i've never met a transperson who passed to me in my eyes". After 7 months of HRT she says to my face that she sees no changes besides my behind getting bigger, losing muscle and my skin softening. I mean it just really, really hurts. Because no matter how many positive comments i get, and no matter how many times i get stared at and on occasion gendered female in public, she just can't see why that would happen and i must be paranoid and/or acting in a manner which is drawing attention to myself. Because she is/was so close to me, her one opinion, her loud voice seemingly overrides everyone else. I am to her just a man.

I thought as a lesbian and herself ranting about how sh***y society is with homosexual couples showing intimacy in public that she would have some basis for understanding. Apparently not. I am to take all of her comments on board as her just being honest, to not to get hurt by what she says, and ultimately she 'supports me'.
She even has the gall after these conversations to imply to her girlfriend that it is all to much for her and that she is some kind of victim.

I haven't felt violent towards anyone in a very long time, particularly since after i started HRT, but with her attitude right now i really want to slap her across her face.

Sorry i just got to vent this all out 

She might not even know shes doing it, i suggest sitting down and talking to her, but do what you think is best.

Big hug! Venting is good...... <moving out of slapping range>

Hey Bardoux,

Our sister's have been comparing notes I see,lol.  Seriously, it can be hard to take criticism from our loved ones.  Truly, my sister has made me feel really bad at times, but I realize her heart is in the right place.  From what I read, I'm not convinced your sister's isn't as well.  The fact of the matter is her statements sound to be coming from a place of concern rather than from hate.   Many cis people don't understand our plight and aren't the most aware of trans issues, so they may have limited knowledge on what transitioning is like.  Hormones take time and the changes are gradual.  So it's understandable why someone who sees you frequently isn't as receptive to the changes.  I think many people expect us to take hormones and wake up the next day completely different.   Perhaps talk to her about why she may not perceive the changes you have gone through.  Also, I would explain to her why her comments are having a negative impact on you and elaborate why her support is very important to you.  Have you two sat down and talked about things?  Maybe that will help?

Well, I haven't started HRT yet, but may I offer some opinions?

First off, your sister saying you don't look any different, honestly, isn't really basis for how you are perceived. If you look at your lawn every day for a year, chances are from day to day, week to week even, it may not look different. But, if you take a picture of it, and then wait maybe 4 months or so and take another picture, chances are it will be different. If you're in constant contact with her (daily, weekly, even bi-weekly) it's probably going to be hard for her to see the changes. Even as learning said, our changes take years, and some of us are more gradual than others. If other people are gendering you as female (aka people who don't know you, or you don't see often) I wouldn't put your sister's opinion high on my list.

My other opinion I must apologize for first, as I'm not trying to attack anyone. But, your sister sounds like one of THOSE lesbians (at least, I got she was lesbian from your hints). One of those lesbians who doesn't think trans people are right. Like we're gay, and we're just trying to find a way to make it more acceptable or something. You know who I'm talking about I hope. There are just some GLB people out there who think T isn't a real thing, and don't accept us just like many other cis people don't. Perhaps that's her opinion, perhaps not. I'm just guessing.

All in all, if you have other supportive people, take the positive and ignore the negative. Sure, she's close to you, but how good is family who is against you? My in-laws considered me "family", but dropped me under the water with a 2 ton boulder tied to my feet when they found out I was trans. Is that really family? I don't think so.

Stay strong. Remember you're beautiful, and if you have passed in public already, you're already ahead of your sister's opinion.

Thank you all for helping

It's hard. I just can't but help feel so disappointed with her. I guess she doesn't want to lose her older brother and she is very much scared about that happening.

We've tried talking about this, but it's just not working atm. Think it's best we give each other some space.

Quote from: Bardoux on September 22, 2013, 04:07:11 PM
Thank you all for helping

It's hard. I just can't but help feel so disappointed with her. I guess she doesn't want to lose her older brother and she is very much scared about that happening.

We've tried talking about this, but it's just not working atm. Think it's best we give each other some space.

We are glad to help.

As for her losing her older brother, she never had one, she had a sister in a males body.

Do what you think is best, just remeber you are the important one, you deserve to be happy.