Quote from: Anonymous User on September 23, 2013, 08:42:58 PM
I'm sure many will disagree with me but, being trans is not a choice, but transitioning is a choice.  For some it may be a choice between transitioning or living a life of severe depression.  That decision may have an obvious choice to some, but nonetheless, it is still technically a choice.

Yea being trans isn't a choice but yes transitioning is, But like Androidnick said it can be a life/death situation

Quote from: Brandon on September 23, 2013, 08:44:18 PM

Well yea being trans isn't a choice I'm just saying theirs alot of things God let be created that he comdemned, But Ill save that for the religious section

Only because it was corrupted by Satan right?

Just don't feel do down on yourself. I am sure you're a cool dude, try to love yourself, allow others to love you. You seem to be looking for a reason to feel bad. Just let go, and you'll be free.

Quote from: androidnick on September 23, 2013, 08:48:19 PM
I do get what you're saying. But for some people it is literally life or death. For some it isn't simply living in depression. So in that sense, it isn't a choice at all. If you want to look at it in a literal sense then yes you are correct. But to simplify it in such a way is kind of ignorant. (I'm in no way trying to offend you or fight you. Scouts honor! ha!) But yeah, I will agree to disagree.

Right, some Jehovah's Witnesses won't take donated blood, even if it will save their life.  That is sometimes a choice between life and death and they would be choosing death.  Being trans and not transitioning isn't deadly in itself.  You still have to make the choice to end your life.  If you believe that both transitioning and suicide are wrong and are going to condemn you, I have a lot of sympathy for you, but you might see it as God testing you.  Our life here on Earth is relatively short if you believe in eternal heaven and if that suffering may be the choice between eternal happiness and eternal damnation, then the right choice isn't so clear.

It is for this reason that I think that simplifying it as a choice between life and death on Earth is kind of ignorant

Quote from: LearnedHand on September 23, 2013, 08:51:37 PM
Only because it was corrupted by Satan right?

Just don't feel do down on yourself. I am sure you're a cool dude, try to love yourself, allow others to love you. You seem to be looking for a reason to feel bad. Just let go, and you'll be free.

Yea I am a cool dude sure, Stuff like that i always gonna bother me though not trying to be funny I'm being real, It hurts, I love who I am on the inside sure, But ill never like the fact that I'm physically female, And I know plenty of people who don't love themselves but still have people that do

Quote from: androidnick on September 23, 2013, 08:55:25 PM
Sometimes we do make things worse for ourselves unintentionally. Even though we might think we aren't trying to make things worse for ourselves, we are. Heck, I will use myself as an example. When my friend got on T, I was extremely bitter which now makes me extremely sad. But I can't change what happened. All I did was get dysphoric about the situation. I'd complain and be mopey. Guess what? That didn't get me on T. Complaining and not taking action was the exact opposite of what I needed to do. I needed to take action, and figure things out for myself. Make an effort to actually achieve what I wanted. You need to do things that benefit you.

Quote



Well I mean I'm kinda young and alone in all of this, Don't really have motivation, The only reason I haven't commited suicide yet is because my cisgendered female friend who's a senoir know told me not to give up, That's the only reason I'm here otherwise I would have been dead before I even joined this sight

Focusing on body parts making a man is counter productive, so that's the first thing you need to try and address.

Not all cis men have a penis.  Some have a tiny penis.  And some men suffer from gynecomastia.

Yup, that's right.  Some men don't have a penis, or have a tiny penis, and some men have boobs, and they're not all trans.  And I know you'll hit back with how they're a minority but here's a question to ask yourself: If a soldier lost his genitalia in an IED explosion, would you dare call him a woman because of that?  That's more of a man than many of us could even dream of being and I'd just dare some loser to call them less of a man because of an injury.

I studied medicine and I can tell you that these problems absolutely do exist.  And just like when you were skeptical about a lot of men having fertility problems; men having boobs or lacking genitalia is not something men will exactly share with other men, but they often do seek medical attention!  There's only one cis male I know in person who has personally shared with me that he injured his penis in a childhood accident (climbing a sharp pointed fence) and doesn't have much to show today because of it.  Otherwise there could be plenty of folks who either have a very small penis, or perhaps none.  Maybe they're inter-sex?  Who knows?  It's not something one advertises to the world normally.

I've said it before and I'll say it again here.  The brain is what makes the man, not the body.  Does that mean we won't get dysphoric?  Hell no!  Everyone just wants to be normal but I try to think of my dysphoria as being similar to cis men suffering gynecomastia or who lost their penis through injury.  That's what helps me keep my dysphoria in check.  If I think that even cis males can feel this level of dysphoria it makes me feel more of a man than less.  I'm dysphoric BECAUSE I'm a man, so how can that be faking?  That's my logic at least.

I realize I may be getting too religious for the non-religious section, I just think it is wrong to say that the choice between transition and suicide is an obvious one for some people.

Quote from: Jack_M on September 23, 2013, 09:04:46 PM
Focusing on body parts making a man is counter productive, so that's the first thing you need to try and address.

Not all cis men have a penis.  Some have a tiny penis.  And some men suffer from gynecomastia.

Yup, that's righ
t.  Some men don't have a penis, or have a tiny penis, and some men have boobs, and they're not all trans.  And I know you'll hit back with how they're a minority but here's a question to ask yourself: If a soldier lost his genitalia in an IED explosion, would you dare call him a woman because of that?  That's more of a man than many of us could even dream of being and I'd just dare some loser to call them less of a man because of an injury.

I studied medicine and I can tell you that these problems absolutely do exist.  And just like when you were skeptical about a lot of men having fertility problems, men having boobs or lacking genitalia is not something men will exactly share with other men, but they often do seek medical attention!  There's only one cis male I know in person who has personally shared with me that he injured his penis in a childhood accident (climbing a sharp pointed fence) and doesn't have much to show today because of it.  Otherwise there could be plenty of folks who either have a very small penis, or perhaps none.  Maybe they're inter-sex?  Who knows?  It's not something one advertises to the world normally.

I've said it before and I'll say it again here.  The brain is what makes the man, not the body.  Does that mean we won't get dysphoric?  Hell no!  Everyone just wants to be normal but I try to think of my dysphoria as being similar to cis men suffering gynecomastia or who lost their penis through injury.  That's what helps me keep my dysphoria in check.  If I think that even cis males can feel this level of dysphoria is makes me fee


l more of a man than less.  I'm dysphoric BECAUSE I'm a man, so how can that be faking?  That's my logic at least.

I already know all that man, And Ive hear that same example alot, Th point is, Is that he still had a penis so of course no one is gonna consider him a woman because when he was born he didn't come out with a vagina, And had to experience nasty ass menstural cycles every month, I'm not saying that's what makes a man all man but at the moment I still feel stupid telling people I'm a guy because they look at me like I'm f_ing crazy

Quote from: androidnick on September 23, 2013, 09:07:57 PM
It sounds like you got offended by what he said. Like everyone else on here, he is trying to offer you constructive criticism Brandon. Sometimes having a sense of humor is a way of coping as well. And the way you put your last statement is like "Well I know that there are plenty of people unhappy with their bodies, but still there are people that like their bodies so this sucks and I'm gonna go ahead and have an even bigger moping fest". Brandon, you should be happy that there are people that are happy with themselves. I don't want other people suffering the way some of us have to. It shouldn't make you bitter that others are happy. That's a big part of growing up.

You misread what I said not talking about the trans thing I'm talking about people in general and no I didn't get offended by what he said

Quote from: Anonymous User on September 23, 2013, 09:05:12 PM
I realize I may be getting too religious for the non-religious section, I just think it is wrong to say that the choice between transition and suicide is an obvious one for some people.

I agree but I've heard for alot of people it's either transition or killing themselves I'm one of those people, But it triggers off and on, I haven't done anything yet because of my friend, She told me not to, She would cry if I did that

Being 17 months into T, I can tell you that this feeling absolutely does go away. I felt that way until a few months ago - because I didn't pass at all. But now, I am starting to feel OK with myself and I don't feel like less of a man than a cisgender man. It was a horrible feeling when I had it, and I hate to know anyone else feels that way, BUT I can promise you that it will get easier when you are able to transition physically.

Quote from: caleb. on September 23, 2013, 09:20:35 PM
Being 17 months into T, I can tell you that this feeling absolutely does go away. I felt that way until a few months ago - because I didn't pass at all. But now, I am starting to feel OK with myself and I don't feel like less of a man than a cisgender man. It was a horrible feeling when I had it, and I hate to know anyone else feels that way, BUT I can promise you that it will get easier when you are able to transition physically.

Yea I'm sure it does

Quote from: Brandon on September 23, 2013, 09:12:11 PM

I already know all that man, And Ive hear that same example alot, Th point is, Is that he still had a penis so of course no one is gonna consider him a woman because when he was born he didn't come out with a vagina, And had to experience nasty ass menstural cycles every month, I'm not saying that's what makes a man all man but at the moment I still feel stupid telling people I'm a guy because they look at me like I'm f_ing crazy

Again, this is assuming body parts make the gender.

Why can't you see a therapist?  You've convinced yourself that you can't, but could you not get a part time job and save to see one?  Couldn't you talk to a counselor at school?  Or maybe that accepting teacher might let you have a one to one conversation with them.  Or other GSA students who'd be more accepting.  Just talking about it would help.

Are there any trans groups in your area?  Today with the internet it's so easy to find groups and/or other FTMs in the area that you can chat with either online or in person and find more local information.

It's time to get pro-active.  Your problems are in no way unique.  Lots and lots and lots of people have had similar issues, and lots of people have had it worse.  I had to plan to actually move to a whole other country, on my own to get things started and I couldn't start until 28 years old!  You're young.  You know what you want.  Your plan will be put in motion far before a lot of other people, or folks in less accepting environments where transitioning isn't even possible.

Focus more on what you can do and finding a way to do it and less about what you can never change.

Quote from: Brandon on September 23, 2013, 09:18:52 PM


I agree but I've heard for alot of people it's either transition or killing themselves I'm one of those people, But it triggers off and on, I haven't done anything yet because of my friend, She told me not to, She would cry if I did that

Don't do anything, listen to your friend (and others here who speak from experience). Life does get better if you give it a chance. Like others here, I had times where I was super depressed. I used to do security t a tall building  I had keys to the roof, and I knew if I jumped, I would die. I thought about jumping every night I went to work. Later on and moving elsewhere I considered jumping into s river during the middle of a cold winter, knowing I'd die if I did. Being dead seemed better then going home to an abusive spouse.

Now, I am as happy as a clam. My life isn't perfect, but I am glad to be here. Life gets better Brandon, you'll be able to take control of your life soon and bring it in the direction you'll want.

Quote from: LearnedHand on September 23, 2013, 09:27:31 PM
Don't do anything, listen to your friend (and others here who speak from experience). Life does get better if you give it a chance. Like others here, I had times where I was super depressed. I used to do security t a tall building  I had keys to the roof, and I knew if I jumped, I would die. I thought about jumping every night I went to work. Later on and moving elsewhere I considered jumping into s river during the middle of a cold winter, knowing I'd die if I did. Being dead seemed better then going home to an abusive spouse.

Now, I am as happy as a clam. My life isn't perfect, but I am glad to be here. Life gets better Brandon, you'll be able to take control of your life soon and bring it in the direction you'll want.

But honestly if she never would have told me that I would be dead

Quote from: LearnedHand on September 23, 2013, 09:27:31 PM
Don't do anything, listen to your friend (and others here who speak from experience). Life does get better if you give it a chance. Like others here, I had times where I was super depressed. I used to do security t a tall building  I had keys to the roof, and I knew if I jumped, I would die. I thought about jumping every night I went to work. Later on and moving elsewhere I considered jumping into s river during the middle of a cold winter, knowing I'd die if I did. Being dead seemed better then going home to an abusive spouse.

Now, I am as happy as a clam. My life isn't perfect, but I am glad to be here. Life gets better Brandon, you'll be able to take control of your life soon and bring it in the direction you'll want.

Things like this help so much. Seeing there is a light at the end of the tunnel. At the end of the day, I see it this way. We can't let our suffering break us. Let it make you stronger. And spin it positively. I see it as yeah I've suffered, but because I know what it's like to be at such a low point, I can appreciate how beautiful the happy moments can be.

I know man, it's okay.  You need a hug Brandon *hugs* Like nick says, the bad makes you better.

Quote from: LearnedHand on September 23, 2013, 09:32:36 PM
I know man, it's okay.  You need a hug Brandon *hugs* Like nick says, the bad makes you better.

Yea it's making me stronger I just don't know how to manage dysphoria

I think the gay straight alliance might have people who are trans or gender variant in some way. If you have an average size school, it's likely that there are other trans people. I taught in a middle school with 600+ kids and am pretty sure that I had trans or gender variant kids. Not sure they identified that way. But some of them will identify as gay for awhile. You might find some kindred spirits as well as people who would be interested in being an ally. The ones here do some cool activities as well, so you might get in on some activities.

The penis doesn't identify someone as a man. It identifies someone as having a male body without some kind of deficits. A man with a micropenis, a man with injures his penis in war, and a trans man are still men.


--Jay

I've been on T for a little over a year and a half (I think) and I still get this feeling from time to time. It's just one of those messy problems of life that everybody faces, transpeople in particular for this particular problem. I'm in the process of applying for an amendment to my birth certificate, and I can't shake the feeling that I'm somehow doing someone wrong. Like my vagina makes me a fake.

I think we all deal with this. In my case, T alleviated it somewhat and made it far less frequent, but it didn't make me cis so it didn't solve it.