I hope its ok that I'm posting here, as I am a significant other, but I feel like this is the best place to get the answers I am looking for. My fiance confessed to me that he is transgender, and while it came as a shock to me, I am supporting him(still using male pronouns) all the way.
My only concern is our child. We have a six month old baby girl. I dont want her to have to suffer any more emotional trauma than necessary.
My main question is, what age were/are your child(ren) during transition? And do you think there would have been a better age during which you could have transitioned?
Any other thoughts, advice, words of wisdom, anything is greatly appreciated.

The younger the better

My daughter was 8 1/2 almost 9 like Isabelle said the younger the better. I actually made a YouTube video a little over a month ago on how I came out to my daughter. 

The younger the better I agree. I am just four months into transitioning myself and my son is about two and a half years old now and loves me no matter how I am expressing myself right now.

I'm friends with and have met other transgender parents and grand parents as well and they seem to be doing just fine with their families. Young parents, older parents and having start transition at different stages of their lives.
For those that have had problems with their children often I get the impression that the problems were there before transition and the change was just a convenient target to blame.

I appreciate hearing from a significant other about such a critical concern

My wife and I raised two kids and they were in grade school when I came out as bi/queer and started actively having boyfriends.  We found that even with the best support at home and in the family that some of their friends or school mates could still hurt them.

Kids can bully, be irrational and any perceived difference can make them a target.  It is getting better, depending on your local situation.

It is easy for me to recommend honesty and telling your own story.  The last thing you want is for them to hear it from others. 

In your specific circumstance your baby girl has the opportunity to know you simply as loving parents.  She can grow with the nurturing and trust a loving parent of any gender can provide.

I remain very close to my daughter and have worked thru some tough times with my son.  I am confident that we love each other. 

I think it is important to consider that one way or another you and your partner are most likely to be involved with your daughter and, therefore each other, for the rest of your lives.  What support you can give each other through the turbulence and dynamic times ahead can pay real dividends.

Love makes a family.

Transitioning is not an emotional trauma for a kid that age.

Studies confirm that being raised by LGBT parents does not harm kids.

Kids are resilient and adaptive (or the human race would have died out thousands of years ago).

However, make sure that transition doesn't distract you from providing a loving and nurturing home for your daughter. THAT would be damaging.

My kids were 16 and 17. They weren't happy, but they dealt. The divorce was far more traumatic than the transition.

My wife and I have two little girls with a third of unknown gender on the way due in June.  Oldest is several months shy of three, and the little one is just over 8 months.  I plan on starting HRT sometime after the birth so we don't have overlapping hormone induced irrationality in the household while my wife is pregnant.

While I don't have direct experience, I have no reason to suspect that the wee one's will have any direct issues with it.  I of course worry about the response they will get from others, be it having two mom's or the worse stigma of having one of them who was once your dad.  I hope that on some level though they will end up stronger willed for this.

That's what I'm worried about. I feel like, while homosexuality is becoming slightly more accepted, it is definitely not there yet. I am worried that my child will have to face the consequences of that. It is not in any way her fault, but its inevitable that she will be treated different multiple times in her life because of her parents choices.
My other concern was when to tell her (since she wont remember this) and how? I just don't see an easy way to tell you child, "Yes I know you had a dad in your baby pictures, but now you don't." And all the times at school where she has to bring in a baby picture or something like that, and then she has to explain that one of her moms was once her dad. It just all seems so complicated to me.

Quote from: katieliz2012 on September 26, 2013, 11:16:43 PM
It just all seems so complicated to me.

Well, life does get complicated. For trans and cis alike.

It's not always pleasant for a kid being raised by a same sex couple.

OTOH, it builds tolerance, acceptance of people who are different, and a certain amount of "thick skin" on the part of your kid that will help her deal with life.

As far as when to tell her, I wouldn't worry. At some point she may ask. Or it may come in conversation. Either way is fine, but since you don't know how any of that will happen, it might not be worth the energy worrying about it now.

Quote from: suzifrommd on September 26, 2013, 07:10:10 AM
Transitioning is not an emotional trauma for a kid that age.

Studies confirm that being raised by LGBT parents does not harm kids.

Kids are resilient and adaptive (or the human race would have died out thousands of years ago).

However, make sure that transition doesn't distract you from providing a loving and nurturing home for your daughter. THAT would be damaging.

My kids were 16 and 17. They weren't happy, but they dealt. The divorce was far more traumatic than the transition.

And there's the problem ... my wife is adamant that she can't stand to see me transition and would want a divorce the moment I had the first hair layered from my chin. She also goes on and on about the harm that i would be doing to our teenage son. And of course I worry about that, too. He's having a tough time anyway at the moment - standard teenage ->-bleeped-<-, but it's not fun to go through and heartbreaking to observe. I'm very, very vulnerable in myself to any suggestion that I'm making his life even harder. And the thought of losing him is more than I can stand.

Quote from: Carlita on September 27, 2013, 07:12:14 AM
And there's the problem ... my wife is adamant that she can't stand to see me transition and would want a divorce the moment I had the first hair layered from my chin. She also goes on and on about the harm that i would be doing to our teenage son. And of course I worry about that, too. He's having a tough time anyway at the moment - standard teenage ->-bleeped-<-, but it's not fun to go through and heartbreaking to observe. I'm very, very vulnerable in myself to any suggestion that I'm making his life even harder. And the thought of losing him is more than I can stand.

This is my problem too. My wife is barely tolerating me in the house... and I have a feeling we'll be putting it on the market as soon as spring hits... lots then for me to be emotional over - I'll sell my house, lose my daily interaction with the kids, get separated, & go on HRT all within the same stretch of months.

My kids are 8 and younger... my boy, 8, is having a tough time with the home situation now (it's not the most friendly... though we try to be good about it around the kids) and he's blaming my gender issues (which he knows about). The girls are younger, but the older (4) is having a bit of a tough time too, though I think she'll be ok with the gender thing. I try not to take out any frustrations on them... but even that is very difficult sometimes (if my wife is home, it's hard when I need decompression time w/ babies -- and I always need it after work). I'm glad they're young and resiliant, but young kids bring their own stressors and issues to the table.

Managing the stress of the situation and managing a separation / divorce are the hardest part of this for the kids... The transgender issues will really only make the kids stronger.