I just had my first couples therapy session. The therapist was not mine. She specializes in family issues, children, and couples. My wife and I have all of those problems... except for "couples," I suppose.

My plan was to go into it and not to control the conversation. I should have known better. The first thing that happened was the therapist asked us how we wanted to proceed.... crickets.... She brought up communication, and she and I talked for about an hour, hour and a half. My wife didn't say more than a word until the last half hour (are two hour sessions normal? I wasn't wearing a watch and we got home LATE).

My two topics were communication, which may improve from this (though with difficulty), and derision... which I don't see improving, but at least I put it out there. Both topics directly relate to me and my wife, but they are the two most important topics for how we deal with our kids. Communication is easy to understand - if we can't communicate, we can't know how to help our kids (8,4,2) through this. The contemptuous talk regarding my change is something the kids cannot hear - which is difficult because it's mainly tone of voice and micro-aggressions, both of which are difficult to control. My argument is that if the kids hear that and grow up with that, they'll see me as a freak and as inhuman. That will make them freaks in their own minds and they will be vulnerable to anyone else who thinks that way. The therapist seemed to agree with me.

I only lied once, too. I was asked outright if I had a new name... the question was kind of relating to family life... so I hesitated and said no.

In all, I thought it went well... even if it was one sided. I don't have any real questions... but I'm more than willing to hear any advice!

♥ Tarah

It sure sounded like communication is an issue, or lack of open honest communication. THe one thing that has enabled my wife and I to survive these past 5 years of my working far out of state, dealing with my trans issues, her with her abandonment issues on top of dealing with my trans issues has been communication. Something I was never good at. Fortunately my wife is a major league yacker from whom to learn from (as well as many other wonderfull things that really matter about life).

The most difficult part of communicating has been that fine line between open and honest and TMI. Don't always follow "Moore's Law" which states "Too much of a good thing is just right" Emotional issues can easily overwhelm a person, not just yourself.

Quote from: JoanneB on October 05, 2013, 10:01:11 AM
It sure sounded like communication is an issue, or lack of open honest communication. THe one thing that has enabled my wife and I to survive these past 5 years of my working far out of state, dealing with my trans issues, her with her abandonment issues on top of dealing with my trans issues has been communication. Something I was never good at. Fortunately my wife is a major league yacker from whom to learn from (as well as many other wonderfull things that really matter about life).

The most difficult part of communicating has been that fine line between open and honest and TMI. Don't always follow "Moore's Law" which states "Too much of a good thing is just right" Emotional issues can easily overwhelm a person, not just yourself.

Yes. TMI was a big problem early on. Unfortunately she'd really just totally shut down. Thankfully that couples session seems to have opened her up. I think she realizes now that my points are real: communication between us does directly affect the kids... and hopefully she believes that about the ridicule also. My points were made fairly and well, but I'll never truly know what she thinks about those points - except with time.

Unfortunately I'm the good communicator (even when I screw it up)... she's the non-communicator -- until the last few days. There wasn't much I could do in the last 2 months to get her to come out to me (ironic...).