Open apology to any and all.

I can't not be me, but I want everyone to understand I don't like being some parts of me.

I am fighting a battle here that I suppose many of us are also fighting, so I know most of you can at least relate to how it is not an easy battle.

I am as we all know a woman trapped in this body. But the body operates the way it was designed to operate. And it simply won't do what I want it to do, and when I want it to do it for MY reasons.

I'm married. So that means I have a special person in my life. And understandably, I want to 'be with' that special person in an intimate fashion. Of course I do, I didn't get married because I hated this person eh.

But I am unable to perform as I would wish. I don't have the correct parts for my mind. Those parts are not present. Add to that, my wife is a cis female hetero. She's not really wanting to take another woman to bed. So I am frustrated in being unable to be with her intimately as I want to be and unable to be with her intimately the way she would prefer.

So I have been denied any easy method to feel 'special' with the most important person in my life.

Life is not sex, but ask yourself, would you enjoy having no way to be special to the most important person in your life, in that one particular way, at all?

I am thus, dealing with something that is trying all of my patience past the point where I am able to remain even remotely civil some days.
My day feels like it is nothing but making models and nothing else, and bereft of much of any meaningful purpose. It's not enough.

If I post anything that seems harsh or in some fashion rough, please accept my apology. I'm probably losing my grip on acceptable, and would greatly appreciate being ignored for that few moments.

Vent to me all you want to baby. I went through two marriages because of the same feelings you talked about. I know from personal experience exactly how you feel. Please PM me any time you need to talk about it because I can relate. Everything you said was like I posted it myself. No apology needed from my family members here. Here for you any time. Try to have a good day baby. Love ya! PS-You are on my buddy list.

Lesley, thanks for sharing.

I'm also married to a hetero cis woman but my situation is a little bit different.

Before I started HRT and even while on it for awhile, I didn't really care about sex. Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed it but I didn't need it; I could be happy cuddling and kissing, I still could. My wife on the other hand, felt that sex was the only we could express our love with each other.

After coming out to her in January, there has been no sex, cuddling, kissing, pretty much any intimacy. She just doesn't want to be with a woman. After being on HRT for nearly six months now, my sex drive has picked up and now I really want sex but I don't care about what parts I have for it. I can understand much better why she feels sex is so important because now I miss that level of intimacy.

So I can really understand what you're going through, just under different circumstances. 

Feel free to send me a PM if you ever want to talk.

Amy

Thanks girls, this month's donation is being made in your honour.

Life is odd.

I married a woman because I love her and she me. We've been married for over 30 years.

We have probably had sex half a dozen times, and not for the last 25 years.

But we love each other.

I have sex with my BF more in a week than I have ever had with my wife in our entire marriage.

I'm honest with myself and with my wife, we should never have married, but we did and we love each other. Love has nothing to do with sex, just as sexual orientation has nothing to do with gender.

I'm me, you are you. Acceptance of ourselves is critical for moving forward. I cannot offer anything to my wife than my love for her. Sometimes that has to be enough.

Life isn't easy for any of us.

That is why we have the ability to cry.

Cindy

I wish I had the ability to cry.

In the 90s this happened to me thanks to fybromyalgia which I think spiritually killed me in a way.

I managed to get back my tears around 2000-2003, I can't recall that far back.

But I have been emotionally damaged again for about a year now and it hurt like you wouldn't believe being unable to cry.

I have tried to force myself to cry, and it just doesn't happen.

I am simply under too much stress. Something has stopped.

I've experienced too much doubt and too much loss and too much of just everything else.

There is a part of me, that simply refuses to accept somethings my wife is saying. She says she will never leave, and I am just waiting for her to say she is I suppose. It's preventing me from living. I worry too much.