I've held off from dating men again until I hopefully complete my SRS however I know it will be a while before this actually happens. So I've decided to start dating again.

I just wonder how many other MTF girl friends that are pre op date men or are in a relationship?

I really enjoyed dating men earlier in life however it has been 2-3 years since allowing myself this pleasure. I'm excited with my decision however I'm a little nervous to hopefully find the right type man & not problems.

Any advise or thoughts?

I've never dated at all, but that likely stems from discomfort with my current body, considering I've not yet started transition.
Here's the thing though, make sure you tell the men first that you're trans. The worst part is that some are transphobic, and will hurt you if they find out. it's best to weed out those who won't care for you out first.
Stay safe, sister

Willow,

Thanks but I'm OK. I've dated lots of men earlier in life. Obviously anyone should absolutely tell any man that you are TS pre op asap. When out in bars or clubs men would hit on me & that was kinda tricky so if I did not like the man I would just easily let him know like any normal cis woman would. If you like the man indeed it is much safer to be open & honest even if you lose the man.

Good luck

Ok, just making sure you're safe. I don't want to see anyone hurt

i dunno how many girls have patience to date. me i bring them all directly to bed always.  life is too short to waste it with only 1 man. men r all hypocrites by personal experience. not a single REAL straight man will accept to love u being a pre-op trans unless it's a ->-bleeped-<--->-bleeped-<-. very rare. i hate men. 99% are bigots selfish & hypocrites. as long as they not aware what u are they treat u as a queen but when they aware they treat u either as a freaq or a sex object and dump u immediately after having used u. they treat as me as sex object..so am gonna use them too. me i'm a crazy daring nymphomaniac but i dont advise other girls doing as me though.

Quote from: Evolving Beauty on October 12, 2013, 02:18:10 AM
i dunno how many girls have patience to date. me i bring them all directly to bed always.  life is too short to waste it with only 1 man. men r all hypocrites by personal experience. not a single REAL straight man will accept to love u being a pre-op trans unless it's a ->-bleeped-<--->-bleeped-<-. very rare. i hate men. 99% are bigots selfish & hypocrites. as long as they not aware what u are they treat u as a queen but when they aware they treat u either as a freaq or a sex object and dump u immediately after having used u. they treat as me as sex object..so am gonna use them too. me i'm a crazy daring nymphomaniac but i dont advise other girls doing as me though.

That's not alway true some guys are decent and will love you for who you are. You just have to learn how to filter the bad ones out to get to the good ones.

I am making my first trembling baby steps into that direction too, but without much success at the moment, lol. I think I know more about male psychology than cis-girls, but that is a blessing and curse at the same time . Blessing, because, I can read them pretty well, curse - because often I dont like what I read then . I am trying to give benefits of doubt though, but I have a lot of strong turn off's which tend to pop up quite regularly...

Well I'm pre op and I'm with a guy who loves and respects me. He is straight, as I am, and we are very happy. He knew me and watched me transition at a gym I go to.

Guys are guys and some are nice and some are not.

There should be no reason to criticize everyone. I dislike that.

We have taken time to form a relationship and to be honest that is far more important than sex IMO. It takes effort and time but for us it has been fun.

I know you (EB) have distinct issues and I respect how you are dealing with them, but please don't paint everyone with the same brush.

That is rude and uncalled for.

Cindy

Indeed it is tricky being pre op & dating men that want sex. Obiously life would be simplier after SRS & time to heal & adjust then open up all new to explore & date men. That would be nicer & perfect without question.

However for myself I miss being with a man. I loved the excitment of a first date. There was always the need for a new outfit, some little acccessory, a little new makeup, my nails had to be done just right, nice smooth legs, new perfume. Then when the man came to my door & we first met it was just great. It was kind of like majic with some men & very akward with some. However overall it was a great experience for two people to adjuct to each others needs & desires. I'm a straight woman I guess, I've always loved being a woman & loved being with a man. The men I dated knew that a straight man was my desire. So it seemed to work out. I still have nice thoughts & memories of some of the men I dated & remember their bodies very well, especially the well endowed men.

So anyway I'm going to venture back in & kiss a few frogs to maybe find a prince. It's just too lonely for me to wait until life is perfect.

I also wanted to wait until SRS was complete before dating.. but life stepped in.. I did a favour for a friend of a friend who needed a date to a function... anyways we hit it off and we actually dated for around 5 months

He was fine with me been pre-op. We did sleep with each a number of times, (anal and oral sex). We actually broke up over my plans to have SRS.. He was gay, but not out of the closet.. I looked like a woman to the outside world, breasts, pear shape figure.. etc.. but in my panties I had a penis..

I loved been the woman the realationship, making myself pretty for him, wearing something sexy for him etc...

I know now, that this was a bad relationship, especially for him.. My next boyfriend will be after SRS..

Noleen,

Thanks & I understand. I'm sure you are closer to SRS than myself.

I've always enjoyed giving oral & receiving anal sex with a strong man. It just seems so normal almost. However it would surely be great to just open my legs for a man & enjoy. Perhaps one day I surely hope.

Take care GF & good luck.

I have been dating a man for 2 months.  We have been on many dinner dates and gone golfing. He has no idea I'm transgender.

Last date ended at his house.  I was very careful where he put his hands and made him very happy.

I love playing the female role. 

I'm not sure how much longer this will go on but I'm willing to enjoy the ride while it happens as you never know when you may have the chance again.

I have, It hasn't worked out very well all things considered.

1st guy: Rubin Spanish guy I find him hiding behind a tree, he'd found a slime mould and thought it was a space alien, (No joke) I explained what it was and we got talking, we both mentioned how we both wanted to go out that night but had nobody to do it and basically started dating there.
We got along great, He was an Avionics Engineer with a Fascination with space and I'm a Nerdy Science girl (Stuck in retail at the time). He promised to show me his "space ship" that he lived in, which was infact a Camper-van he lived in we kissed on our first date but nothing more. All the tropes of a perfect love story, Second date was just as good, Third date was abit more personal and serious it was at the end of this date I felt I had to tell him about my past.

He didn't believe me at first and was completely surprised when I insisted. Eventually he accepted it and seemed okay with it at the time. Next day I got a text from him telling me to not see him again.

===================
2nd guy: Kane, I worked in retail since graduating uni, I worked several jobs over a period of months in the centre of town, Apparently I had an admirer as I'd walk into town he worked in a Store I passed, When I was going home one day I waved at a friend of mine, David who was walking with Kane who I didn't know, Kane apparently asked interrogated David about me, David told him what he knew (including my Trans past) Kane was surprised but said he didn't care. He then asked me out I agreed.

We went out and we got along great, Similar nerdy interests and chatting was easy. I mentioned my past he said he knew and I said I'd have to murder David. Apart from that we got along brilliantly and after a month of seeing him I was quickly falling for him.

He introduced me to his family, although I was told not to mention my Trans-past. As it turns out I got along great with his mum, as she was a Virologist, When it came to intimacy I was hesitant, letting him know my body was a let down and not like he might imagine it to be, he alluded that physical sex was important to him in a relationship and said that if I couldn't do that then perhaps I'd consider a Polygamous relationship, I Strongly opposed this (Always playing second fiddle to every natal women is a hangup of mine). Knowing it was important I did everything I could to appease him. Things weren't good, he was quite judgemental about my naked body and while I look female in everyday settings begin naked shows that my boobs are small and my frame is more spindly androgynous rather than female I'm also covered in self harm scars.
I did my best but I could tell his wasn't very impressed, in the end I ended up crying.
He began acting weird around me, ignoring me ect, I kept trying to meet him only for him to avoid me, Eventually I confronted him about it, He told me he didn't want to see me again and we broke up, I was pretty heartbroken, I then found out he was seeing and sleeping with another girl at this time, which only rubbed salt in the wound.
<Language edited by Moderator>

Months later he would send me several letters telling me how much he cared for me but my body was an obstacle to us begin together. (What an insufferable ->-bleeped-<-)

=====================
3rd Guy: Lenny, I was pretty miserable both with Kane and my life in general I started to develop an eating disorder, Like 700 Calories Daily while also working out, and I lost tons of weight, I'm kinda spindly anyway, but my weight dropped from normal to borderline Anorexic. But I was in that peculiar spot of looking Uber Athletic before you look super sick and dying. Then when this guy asked me out, We chatted briefly when I was buying some vegetables at the store after getting back from swimming, he then later caught upto me when I was jogging and gave me his number, I felt I had little to loose to I rang him and arranged a meal out.

We chatted but he was a health and fitness nut and wanted to join the army, We didn't have much to share but I contributed with my biology knowledge as best as I could, he ended up kissing and hugging me although I wasn't very comfortable with it. After I left I realized I clearly wasn't over Kane and it wasn't fair on This guy aside from anything else I broke up with him.

===================
4th Guy "Cinnamon": A short one I got better after getting a new job in science and moving out, I was enjoying the momentary peace in life, I met this guy on a night out we got along pretty well, I Made note that he had an unusual name, and he mentioned that it wasn't his birth-name, I then Cryptically alluded that Alice "wasn't my birth-name either." Winning each others interest. We chatted and hung out he was into poetry and music which wasn't my primary interest but I was interested because he was quite guarded, but his writings and songs were emotive and expressed a deep hurt. He noted the scars on my arms and said he didn't do that himself but he did get why people would do that. We didn't do anything romantic at first kissing or hugging he gave off vibes that he didn't like it.

We eventually revealed our back-stories to each other, I won't go into too much detail. But basically he was sexually abused, and his abuser was involved in a gang. so after the trial he had to change his name and move away.

We saw each other a few more times, and even tried to be intimate but we both sort of agreed that we were too F'ed up to have a healthy relationship.

---
Weird period: Everyone a stupid Lonely ->-bleeped-<- including myself
After this I've been back to begin alone, alot of my friends have gotten married and moved away so my isolation has bitten me abit, knowing Kane was in a relationship with this girl he cheated on me with I have had a couple of small flings with him again, he asked me I don't like him frankly I hate his guts I was only using him as a warm body and a roof for the night (As I was locked out of my flat) I felt dirty afterwards.
I then threw it up in his "new" girlfriends face to make her break up with him, Although it appears she's actually a doormat kinda killing my Catharsis he still actually wants to see me, despite the trouble this caused him, He genuinely wants a Polygamous Harem of sorts He's utterly insufferable and I don't intend to see him again.

Quote from: pebbles on October 12, 2013, 07:54:32 AM
Eventually he accepted it and seemed okay with it at the time. Next day I got a text from him telling me to not see him again.

Ugh... that kind of attitude just sucks... It really does .

Quote from: VickyMI on October 12, 2013, 07:11:59 AM
I have been dating a man for 2 months.  We have been on many dinner dates and gone golfing. He has no idea I'm transgender.

Last date ended at his house.  I was very careful where he put his hands and made him very happy.

I love playing the female role. 

I'm not sure how much longer this will go on but I'm willing to enjoy the ride while it happens as you never know when you may have the chance again.

Vicky, great for you girl friend & you play golf. This man is so lucky. Please have a beautiful day.

Guess i took the logical route in dating. I dated a pre ftm when i was pre mtf. We ended up getting married. You have to be real strong to have this kinda of relationship being body dysphoria is sometimes hard to overcome in the bedroom. But that is not everything in a relationship.

On the OPs question. Life is to short to live alone. Look for what you want and go for it. Be honest and safe.

Hugs
Izzy

I can't wait to start dating.  I'll have to do it pre-op.  Honestly, I could care less about sex for the most part, even though it is tempting.  It's more about the romance that I never really experienced.  Sucks though because I'm still not full time or even really part time, so I should continue waiting. Maybe I will just date a gay guy and hope to turn him straight.  After all, I am looking fairly feminine these days, so any guy that dates me must be somewhat on board, lol.  We'll see. 

I am at this same place in life. I am very lonely even more so since children are getting older.

I have only went out on one date with a man since being FT (2 yrs) I thought it went well but apparently he didn't....I was really down after that but still tried....I have since given up and have tried to meet other women for friendship.....this isn't going to well either.

I don't think someone needs to tell someone their born gender when they first meet.....but I feel at times I should! This has caused me even more struggles contradicting myself. I just want someone to get to know me, I want to give them the chance to know who I am and not what I am. I would never do anything more than a hug or hand holding before telling them though!!

The one and only guy I went on a date with I did not inform him of my past, we communicated for about 2 months before going on a date. We exchanged pics early on.....I felt comfortable knowing he at least thought I wasn't ugly. We also talked on the phone awhile before meeting. I thought all are communication was very typical of a heterosexual type.....I never felt like I was faking anything....it felt very natural! Even the date I went on....I was very nervous because I had not dated in almost 20 years, but that was the only reason for my nervousness....it felt very normal. I felt we didn't click right away but was still willing to learn more and possibly date some more. He didn't feel the same! It was somewhat mutual but I took it hard still.

I just wish I could get myself out their more....I have had men flirt with me but I do not know how to facilitate it any further, I am old fashion and feel its the mans responsibility to move things further. Even pre trans I was never one to ask women out....I'm now even worse at showing attraction or accepting it. I think much of it has to do with me thinking I am lying to people and not liking myself...so I just say screw it and tell myself I will be alone the rest of my life!!

Even if I were to start a relationship, there is no way I can consummate the relationship. I will not do anal sex and I can't see a guy wanting a relationship without some form of sex!

Well, theoretically gay guys should not be into us and if they are - it is a kind of insult, because it shows that they dont see us as women. Hardcore gays are pretty much disgusted by anything remotely feminine... at least, theoretically . I know just a couple of gay guys and only one of them knows about me and I am 100% sure he is not interested. Neither am I - at least in terms of sex .

It is just currently the stage in my life when E starts taking over my entire body and I desperately need someone to care about - I dont need sex - romance, flirting and cuddles would be enough for me.

Quote from: learningtolive on October 12, 2013, 10:27:05 AMHonestly, I could care less about sex for the most part, even though it is tempting.  It's more about the romance that I never really experienced.

Girl, It's the exact same with me. I don't care too much for sex in my given state, but I just often feel so lonely. I don't really have any friends here; unlike the majority of other students here, I came alone, nobody from my high school is at this school. Which is good, in the fact that I can put my post life behind me, everything is just so lonely and I desire some loving company who treats me add me, not what I look like.
I'm sure it's the same for a lot of us here. Just hang in there, stay safe, and be confident