I remember making the decision to keep my last name when getting married for branding reasons, because I was the last in the line, etc. etc.

And now that I'm considering changing my first and middle names, I'm thinking about changing my last name too. But not to my husband's, to my mother's maiden name: my grandfather's. There is just too much weirdness with my dad's family; too many awful secrets, too much abuse. As if letting my would-be uncle die of willful negligence when he was an infant wasn't enough (they're a Christian Scientist family and didn't believe in going to doctors), it took me finding out about a suicide earlier this summer to make me wonder if I really wanted this family name. My great aunt had apparently been a lifelong alcoholic, suffering terribly, and living with my grandparents when she decided to end her life on their property. My father was only a preteen at the time, but to hear him talk so cruelly about his aunt, saying things like she got what was coming to her, that she was a waste of a human being anyways, was... jarring, to say the least. I don't think I want his name anymore.

Why not take my husband's name? Because I still haven't met his family (he's a bit estranged), and subsuming my identity into his goes against my principles.

Why not take my grandmother's name? Her family is just as weird, minus the untimely deaths. Lots of abuse, manipulation, dishonesty and dysfunction.

Does anyone have any ideas on how to explain why I'm doing this without... explaining why I'm doing it? There are so. many. people. who would want to know the whys and wherefores, and who would get offended if I said anything but the most sanitized version of my reasoning. At same same time, "I'm honoring my grandfather" sounds a little thin. It would coincide with my coming out (and it's one of the reasons I have to come out), so maybe I could combine that with the gender stuff. Idk. It's all a very scary prospect for me, but I feel like this name is something I can't live with forever. There's too much bad baggage there and it makes me sick.

How about, "While changing my life for the better, I decided to make a clean sweep.  I really like how [full name] sounds, don't you?" 

This is your life, for your reasons. 

If my dad's side of the family can reconcile themselves to my new gender, I may keep my old last name... but if they can't, well, there is a wide variety out in the world to choose from. 

*hug*

Exciting times... good luck, and may the courts be with you!

You do what you need to do for your. No one else holds you hostage.

I keeped my family name, and i now use it in a hyphen with my husbands name.

I keeped my family name only for my children. I took there father away i did not want to take there family identity away. But i had not any issue like yours.

Do what you want and be happy for you. You could always later if you wanted to hyphen your husbands name at anytime.

Izzy

what about honoring your mother by taking her maiden name? it would tie you closer to her even as you come out and change your name.

my parents were funny enough to give me my mother's maiden name (she'd changed back to it after a divorce), and my brother my father's last name. then they got divorced and my mom remarried. my mom took my step father's last name, and it was so much cooler that i took that as well. felt too awkward to be the only person in my family using my mom's maiden name.

it's a little bit abut identity, and there's nothing wrong about wanting to use a name that you think sounds good, and that you feel like you want to be identified with.

When I came up with my name six years ago, I just decided for a completely new name so that I would have absolutely no ties with my present family. When I go to court next year to officially change my name, I should have no problems.

Hmm that sounds like a lot of baggage.

It's just a name though eh. Every last surname had to come from somewhere, and there is no reason you can't be the source of a last name some several generations from now eh.

I'd just go with a brand new name. And if the husband's family turns out to be ok, you can always say your new name is your new maiden name and then switch it to the husbands name. Or if you also like, just keep your own. Although two names tends to mess up the kids paper work.

No kids for us, except for a cat (or two). Both our names will go when we do.

So why not go out with a bang, I guess?

I've decided to that I'm probably going to take my mother's maiden name as a second middle name, and my paternal ancestral surname for the last name. I've been doing the Ancestry.com thing a bit recently, and found out that our last name was anglicized when the family came over here back in the 1600's. I knew I liked the sound of it when it first popped up on the screen.

Should be a little easier to explain when the time comes for me.

Thanks for the replies, everyone. :]