its gonna be a vent so forgive me for that.
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As you may know my friend just died by suicide and I belive the suicide where due to the bad threatment he got for being transgender.
https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,150268.0.html
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Now I and my mom who also knows him personally been very upset, beside informing my famely, friends, and some groups that he is not apart anymore, I will join 2 meetings for next week.
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the first meeting is about a doctor my friend where very found of and who helped him and alot of other transgender people.
This doctor now been put in danger because the goverment label him like a criminal for dealing with transgenders and we sure want to fight back to protect the doctor not to lose his job and so all his transgender patience isnt to lose there chance on getting homones.

the other meeting is with a pretty high ranked trans activist talking about what happent to my friend and if we can writte letters to politicals or anything to make them aware of this horrible situation.
She even said if we got enough proff that it happent they can invold Amnesty into the work. which actually is pretty huge.
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Currently I feel I got the fighting spirit and everything you could ask for, but I dont feel I got the suport I need specially from his famely. Even when they asked about my contact information and I sended them it back twice with a message of "pleace reply that you recived this message" they havent neither spoke, wrotte or tried to contact me at all. it feel like a punch in the face that they just ignore me.

I been told I must just accept the famely need time, or there wish that that they may not want to talk to me. and they may not want to be invold with anything But I honestly feel very angry. I got the felling the famely wasn't the most surportive of its kind, even when they wasn't totally refusing him, and then I must be respectfull for them, To hide this secret that there son is death!

It just seams bizare for me that I have to put the mindset of "Its okay to be upset, but don't mention it, we just pretend everything is fine, no need to dig up in the past, what if the media found out, everyone would know they had a transgender son it would be horrible"

I feel like I could scream "but those idiots are the reason your son is death why dont you even want to know about it!"

I feel the sillence is killing me. If it had been someone who had died because of bad threatment with there blood or something I am sure they would spoke up about it, But since he is transgender, well.. we may as well just respect the famely and never talk about it.

It really killing me if his death are gonna be another sillence statistic who never going to be mention. I feel like screaming out to the whole world how bad it is, but it seams useless and even when I am happy to have great suport from my friends on the emotional level I feel pretty angry I feel im the only one who want to step up about this, I may even be the one who risk the most as a transgender person who defend another transgender person agenst the system may get in trouble. so I really disapointed.
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You clearly have the heart of a warrior; your desire to fight so your friend's death has meaning speaks well of you.

Having been through a tragedy in the family, I *can* say on their behalf that when a family member dies through violent/sudden means, everyone is shaken to the core.  I remember staring at a TV for hours, but I couldn't have told anyone what was on it.  I wasn't there.  It took months for me to get to the point where I would willingly talk to *anyone*, no matter how close or willing. 

I know it is hard, but the family will need some time.  Even hearing from someone who was close to your friend, their family member will make it all seem like it is happening again. 

I suggest you work outside the family for now.  You were his friend, you have standing.  Your voice would be more powerful alongside his family's voices, but that can't happen yet.  Keep doing what you are doing.  Network with trans groups in your area, make yourself available to help with the doctor and with the activist.  Fight as you can.  If it helps, think of the family as wounded, because they are.  They will need time to heal before they can join in your fight.

*hug*

the family's worst fears came true. the lost their child.
won't be easy to recover from that. they might be beating themselves up for not having done enough to save him. can't fight others when fighting yourself... give them time. i think it would be a good thing to keep in touch with them, but without talking about the case you're trying to make. that will not help much right now.

you're not the only one who wants to make changes, get the evildoers punished and all that. i just have no idea how to make any time for it. would've been so much easier if i were still a student. but i'll always be here to support you, and if things get too hard, i'd even go visit you just to give you a hug.

i should probably not describe exactly what kind of a lashing i'd love to give those quacks at the sk... every time i hear stories about their malpractice, i seriously want to go there and demand my right as a human being, just so i can tell them how horrible they really are. "unfortunately" i have a child, so they'd just tell me long before i even got there that they wouldn't let me in. they have such funny criteria of eligibility.

I know its pretty selfish of me speaking about caise of it all when I know it would be much better without a rush. but the truth is that if your are to make something you must do it Now or never, that unfurtunatly how it goes if you expect things to change, otherwise it usunally just being forgotten, I where pretty sure the famely would had contacted me because when I spoke to them they sounded as they where keen to get in contact, but now when they havent contacted me I sorta try to get used to the fact that its not to be mention.
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If I got to talk to the famely I wouldn't speak about activism but about the week before he died.
right now its the felling that I dont know anything about them mixed with the hopelessness that I cant do anything which bothers me.
I feel like I just have to suck it up and really pretend its nothing, it worked pretty fine first week, second week been abit more difficult.
I try to get in contact with some friends of his but so far it been difficult but well see how it goes.

I wouldn't think you need to fight for your friend...instead, enlarge the focus to basic human rights for transgendered people....the right to be treated adequately, WITH hormones and surgery, if appropriate; the right to expect people and governments to not be hateful or worse, indifferent...the right of families to not be ashamed of their children...

Quote from: Taka on October 14, 2013, 04:49:47 PM
you're not the only one who wants to make changes, get the evildoers punished and all that. i just have no idea how to make any time for it. would've been so much easier if i were still a student. but i'll always be here to support you, and if things get too hard, i'd even go visit you just to give you a hug.

i should probably not describe exactly what kind of a lashing i'd love to give those quacks at the sk... every time i hear stories about their malpractice, i seriously want to go there and demand my right as a human being, just so i can tell them how horrible they really are. "unfortunately" i have a child, so they'd just tell me long before i even got there that they wouldn't let me in. they have such funny criteria of eligibility.

thanks..
nobody really got time for it, Student or not it very hard, I had quit the hardcore activism because I needed to focus on myself, so I really thought "just do your stuff and move already"  but after my friend died it became very personal so I haven't really felt I could just sit home doing nothing on this part, I feel like it would kill me more than anything.
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I don't know, there strick about having kids but theres still people with kids who been there and got permission, I guess it a matter of how stubborn you are. i'm going there soon anyway so I would get the latest update on there threatment but I am happy you don't. I really have no respect or trust in them and they dont know anything of non-binary. I honestly think my friend where kinda non-binary but he couldnt been. Everything out of men or women box just seams as a mistake. its sad.