if you got a chance to change your whole identity, including body (as far as modern science allows), and have every memory and record of your current self irrevocably deleted, so as to avoid anyone being hurt by the current you suddenly just disappearing... what would your new body and identity be? you get only one chance, so choose well.
you can also choose to be exactly the same as before (maybe skinnier or a couple inches different in height), and the record and memories will still be deleted so nobody will be able to make a connection to anything to do with your life before this point. it would be a new beginning no matter what you choose.
(i'd have my chest fixed at least, and hormones)
Quote from: Lo on October 18, 2013, 01:37:07 PM
"Which normatively defined gender role am I more comfortable embodying, even on an occasional basis?"
Neither.
"What relationship do I have to my genitals? If they could be something else, what?"
I didn't know I had a vagina until I was a teenager. Like really knew. After puberty it was just a body part that hemorrhaged sometimes, and before that, it was always a surprise to look down and see anything. For me right now, having a vagina and functioning reproductive system feels like a medical "condition" for which there is no adequate cure more than anything else. Having a penis is completely out of the question for me. I plan on having a hysterectomy and am beginning to wish that a surgery existed to close up the vagina altogether but keep the clitoris intact. (Partial FtM SRS?) Even then, I'm not sure I'd do it. I can't imagine it would be cheap or easy.
"How do I feel about hormones?"
I wish a sex hormone existed that had no noticeable effect on the mind the way that E or T does. I would take T, but all the changes that I want would require that I took it indefinitely, and all the side effects I don't want are the permanent ones. I currently take birth control for a medical condition, endometriosis, and I've made peace with it by thinking of it in those terms. The mood changes that came with it dialed way down after the first few months, but I think of them as side effects necessary to keep my body from damaging itself and putting me in horrendous pain.
those are some interesting questions/answers. i like reading what you feel like telling about yourself, it's a gender that i can't remember having experienced, even though some of the feelings about body or social situations seems somewhat similar.
my feelings about genitals:
what i have isn't really the shape i want it to be, but that's easily corrected with plastic surgery. what i lack is more apparent, and i really want that in addition to what i already have. i don't do sex, partly because i haven't found anyone i feel like i can trust enough, and partly because i don't know how to do it without having both parts to use. it's frustrated me before. gonads should be inside the body or not exist at all. (in my head, i really am hermaphroditic. and i like the thought of mutual rape with a tentacle monster)
my feelings about hormones:
are there any that will leave me with only sparse facial hair, no body hair, smaller hips, flat chest, deeper voice, no male pattern hair loss? t will probably give me that if my genes are right. but if they're wrong, there will be too much hair. or too little on top. i want primary sex characteristics of both, and secondary of neither, or in between.
