Quote from: Mariax on October 23, 2013, 08:01:34 PM
Thanks again for everyone's responses. I will try to cover what has been said in a general post, so forgive me for not mentioning you by name.

I am aware that HRT is far from a cure all. However, since a good deal of my anxiety and stress appears to originate from my dysphoria I am hopeful that it will at least take care of that.

I had been suspicious that my SO was jealous of me. I have a number of feminine features that I have always been complimented on. I was worried I was just being egotistical when I thought she might be showing signs of envy, but I guess we know each other better than that.

I am very torn. My instincts tell me I will probably only find full relief by fully transitioning, SRS being another issue. I am not firmly non op, but I do wish better options were available.

If the question were to be, what can I live with for the forseeable future, it would be part time plus HRT. I have lots of variables to balance, so just running out of the gate won't work for me.

The way I have things planned is simply to live on HRT for a few years and reevaluate things. I imagine I may trip over the barrier I often read about and be gendered female regardless of presentation. What would happen then is hard to know.

If I was given free run of the situation  I would probably be full time before long, but again, so many variables.

Yes, this is tearing me apart from the inside, no it isn't going to just go away, but I also need to see if I can find balance. We are going to talk tonight, and I am on my way to my psychiatrist, so maybe we can find a solution.

Probably the most frustrating thing now is after I talk with her (SO) she appologizes for being thick headed and not giving me more sympathy...

Speaking as someone who is in pretty much the exact same situation as you, I know just what you mean when you talk about taking it slow, transitioning gradually, or maybe just partially, taking just enough HRT to keep the dysphoria away ... I've had all those thoughts too.

But I have two words of caution. First, if your SO is anything like mine, she doesn't think of any of this as gradual or partial. So far as my wife is concerned, if I do ANYTHING - starting with shaving my beard, let alone lasering those bits of it that haven't yet gone grey) - that's it. One of us will have to leave the family house because she can't stand to be under the same roof as me if I've put one foot on the road to transition.

The unintended consequence of this is that she's forcing me into a position where I might as well do it all, because I won't be any worse off than if I tried to take it gradually.

And second: I'm not sure that once you - or I - start down that road that either of us will want to hold back. It's going to cost so much emotional pain just to begin that, once again, there'll be no advantage to denying oneself everything you really want. Plus, if HRT makes you feel better, isn't that a pretty good indication that transition is right for you? And, if it is, why not do the job properly?