Hello. I identify as a 20 year old cisgender female. I am hoping that this is a space where I can discuss my beliefs of transsexual youths in an open and honest manner. I am hoping to  to hear from transsexual adults weather my beliefs are ignorant; it's my own responsibility to spurn ignorance, no?

While I believe that laws protecting transgendered youth must be instituted immediately, I a issue with children under the age of 16 becoming transsexual through medical treatment. I think that children, who do not have a fully formed sense of "identity", should not make decisions which will impact them for the rest of their lives. This comes from my own experience as a child; from the ages of 3-7 I was "transgendered" in that I identified myself as a "boy" would often introduce myself using male pronouns, and cried for months on end over the fact that I was, biologically female. Today, I a happily cisgendered woman.

I am NOT trying to imply that ->-bleeped-<- is something anybody  can "grow out of". However, I know that given the chance at age 7, I would have eagerly undergone F to M therapy, which (obviously) was not necessary for my own mental health.

Is my opinion that allowing children to become transsexual (as opposed to transgendered) blinkered by my own experience? By believing this am I just not understanding the depth of disassociation which true transsexual people experience?  Is my belief founded on a priori that underestimates the extent young people need medical intervention to experience a positive safe self-identity?

In a way, I feel like a coward for discussing this here, instead of directly talking with my transgendered friends. However, I am embarrassed that my belief is "wrong" in the sense that it is discriminatory and exploratory of moral imperialism where a majority (cisgendered people) dictate to a minority (transgendered people) how to behave/ act.


Peace,

As with any human being,some are more aware then others and just like said,one grows and experiments.As children,some experience more then others and even though this is rather sad and each child should be allowed to be children,some gain a better understanding and perception then most adults.That being said,this is one reason that therapy is in place.Wouldnt it be easy for anyone of any age to claim anything? and if so,then how do we weed out those who are confused/unsure/lack personal perception? Speaking from a personal experience,i grew up in agony and anguish.Depressed,trying to harm myself and continued to wear/talk/say/be what i was *told* to be.I did not have outside knowledge,meaning i was sheltered.I knew nothing about gender,sex,mental health or anything else that most my age did.And these all subsided the day that i learned i was Transgender.I felt peace and felt released from the unknown that plagued my entire innocent life.Do i wish that i had the ability to learn much younger and avoid all the pain,suffering? Yes i do.Each has their own personal path,their own way of finding out who they are.Regardless if we agree with that path or not,it should never be denied as long as they are not involving anyone else but their self/parents *depending* but we all go through therapy.What you may see,is not always the true image.You may see a child but inside may be a soul suffering to know who they are and with therapy and encouragement,a child may find some peace.

I will answer your question both as someone who underwent corrective surgery at a relatively young age, and as a medical student who is training to be a doctor.

From both perspectives your opinion is quite incorrect, and as you rightly guess based on a truly VAST underestimate of the degree of suffering that this condition imposes on young people.

Simply put the sooner you can form a reliable diagnosis and reassign the less the suffering, and indeed later concomitant psychological damage from the torture (and I use that word deliberately) of well meaning but misguided people like yourself trying to stop us from being who we need to be! I understand that you feel you grew out of it, and indeed some children do go through phases, however that is hugely different from a real trans person and the aim has to be to improve diagnosis so that we can make that distinction reliably.

Particularly for MtF girls once their voice has broken (around 14) and their face has masculinised (around 16) it can be too late for them to get a really good result - unless they happen to be lucky as I was, and are androgen insensitive - but not many are. So early discrimination really is important.

I was very lucky. My parents, allowed me to grow up in my desired gender, and so I don't have any of the traumas and damage that so many trans and intersex people do. I consider myself cisgender - although I acknowledge that I had some corrective genital surgery to get here. I am in a very small minority, particularly in people my age.

I hope and pray that in these more enlightened times, diagnosis will be improved, and on that basis it will become possible to intervene much MUCH earlier, and I'm glad to report that my medical colleagues are certainly in full agreement with this aim.

My preference in an ideal world would have been before the age of five! (although I do accept that we might not get to that early...)

So full marks for asking the question - big pat on the back for that, but I hope you can take the answer you got on board even though it probably isn't the one you were hoping for.

My brother Chaos is right. I knew I should have been female at age 7 and was also sheltered. The feeling never went away and I assimilated into society as a male because I was ordered to. At the age of 47 I have started HRT with full intentions of having SRS. For forty years I suffered in agony every second of every day. It is a feeling you really can't describe it is suffocating, you feel imprisoned in your own body, suffer major depression and lose all human emotions. Since being on HRT I see the world totally different. For the first time in my life I feel normal and at peace. If I had support at age 7 I would have welcomed awareness and would have cooperated with any therapy, counseling and any other thing which would have lead to a happier life. I do agree that anyone under legal age should have to go through proper steps to insure mental and physical health, safety and peace. Gender Dysphoria is a very terrible thing to have. Many of us have lost everything we had to transition because of the unknown compulsion to follow. No one would willingly choose to have Gender Dysphoria, the cost is just too high. Hope this helps a little. PM me if you need details of this condition. Take care! 

I think we need more expertise to be able to tailor treatment to individual cases.

There are some young children who know, just know, that they were meant to be the gender opposite their birth sex.

There are others who try it on and find it doesn't fit.

We simply can't treat those two groups alone. We need ways to tell the difference between them (listening might be a nice start...).

I agree with everyone so far. Agony, depression, and misery are a common thread in most trans individuals, I've found. I know I suffered from it. I was never forbidden to talk about or abused, I just never figured out how to explain it. It was like looking at the world through hell colored glasses. Being able to talk about it here has improved my life so very much, I don't think could repress it again without ending myself. Sadly a small voice keeps telling me to do that, and not risk all that comes from coming out to friends and family.

One doesn't become transgender because they sought help. It's how those individuals already are. The therapy is likely to help those who are still forming their own gender identity. Therapists are there to guide a person on their own path, not provide a set path for the patient. They have no stake in your outcome one way or the other except that you leave happier with yourself. I think many trans children are aware before 10. Why not let them see a therapist? No one is going to start them on hormones before the normal onset of puberty. If they do find they are mistaken (like you), then no harm has been done. They still get to live a happy life. If they are not, well, they avoided living in a very dark and dangerous place.

Gender Identity Disorder is deadly and horrible, I cannot stress this enough. Getting someone help as early as possible is only for the good. Keep it from people who are already miserable, young as they might be, will only encourage them not to talk about it later, and that would be truly tragic.

I encourage you to talk about it with your friends. You might find them willing to discuss this at length. If they're really your friends they won't be offended that you don't understand. You haven't experienced what they did, how could you?

Anyway, I'm glad you took the time to ask, many people just assume they're right about things and never worry about finding out if they're not. You're welcome to continue to ask questions of you like. I'm glad that you're approaching this with an open mind. I hope you get answers that will satisfy you.

-maggie

PS This is how I see it. I only represent me in all opinions. 

Wanting to be a boy and being a boy FTM are two different things.

You do not grow out of being transgender.

I expressed at 5 and felt female earlier. Every day and thousands of times per day I am reminded of my identity disorder. The pain and suffering is immense.  If you can not relate you are not trans*.

I wanted to castrate myself at 7 and I use to put rubber bands around my gonads at night. I hoped to fall asleep and awaken a girl. I would get scared when my gonads got blue and throbbed. I would remove the rubber bands and be in pain for a day or two.

I wish I had help when I was 5. 

Well, you asked for people's opinions.

I take issue with some of your terminology. You talk about children who "become" transsexual, and you mention kids who "become" transsexual through medical treatment. I think in the first case, you mean children who already ARE transsexual (or transgender), and in the second case, you mean trans children who begin medical transition.

But do you not see the age disparity in your comments? You take issue with kids who start medical treatment when they are under sixteen...because when you were SEVEN, you changed your mind about your identity. There is a wee bit of difference between seven and fourteen or fifteen.

I should also point out that for the vast majority of kids under sixteen, the medical treatment comes from hormone blockers that simply prevent the dominant hormone from doing its work--and whose effects are reversible--and that prevent the need for some surgeries and procedures. If the kid isn't trans, he or she can just stop taking the blockers.

Sounds like a darned good deal to me.

Hi,

Thank you for having the courage to ask.  You seem to be a caring and well-meaning person. That is special so you just keep being special.

A child, with good parenting and counseling, can figure this out before puberty.  Some will be like you and that is fine.  Others will know that their inner-self does not match their physical body and that is fine as well.  It is the care they are given that matters.  They need to be allowed to explore and to understand for themselves what they are.

I do not know if surgery is appropriate prior to puberty.  In some cases, it quite probably is appropriate.  In others, where there is doubt, it is not. But something done immediately prior to puberty will redefine the life of those who really are transgender and there is a high probability of an improved life.

Now comes the hard part – puberty and a time of decision.  If everything goes right, everyone has figured everything out and there will be no problem.  In other cases, where there is doubt, blockers may allow for additional time.  However, because there will be mistakes, there also will be some problems.  The goal is to come as close to zero problems as is humanly possible.  Again, causality (what caused the problem) and support from family, friends and even society at large will help decrease the potential for mistakes.  A second goal is to fix those problems that do show up as quickly as possible.  Again, continued support.

Twisting your question around entirely, is it appropriate for parents and doctors to assign sex to a child born with ambiguous genitals? Or should they take the same approach used when dealing with a child who is potentially transgendered?  I would propose that the same approach, as far as is medically feasible, be taken with them as well.

Thank you again,

Hugs,

Jen

*TRIGGER WARNING - SELF HARM*

Thank you for asking questions instead of assuming that your experience, as a gender creative and gender variant child, qualifies you to understand and pass judgement on those whose experience was not the same as yours. Most of the cruelty and bias imposed on trans* people over the years has been fueled by those who were not trans*, but were gender creative and "outgrew" it or used "will-power" to "overcome" it.

There needs to be room in this world for people like yourself, to freely explore their gender creativity without judgement and without commitment, except to continue to be true to your self wherever it may lead.

There needs to be room in this world for people with gender fluidity, with mixed gender identities and expressions, with gender creativity that extends into adulthood and throughout their life. They should be loved and celebrated.

There also needs to be room in this world for people like myself, whose agony at the mismatch between my internal experience of who I am, and the way the world viewed me based on the outward appearance of my body, was nearly indescribable.

My first brush with suicide was at a very young age. There were many occasions with attempts at self-surgery to relieve myself of the worst of the dysphoria. I imagine this was not your experience.

I am glad that you got the help you need, and now have had peace and satisfaction with who you are, and hope you will allow those with different needs the same privilege.

I imagine you were not preyed upon by predators who sensed your vulnerability and difference, and could use your secrets to force you to keep theirs.

I imagine you were not taught from the earliest age by your all-encompassing religious community that a transsexual was the most evil thing you could possibly be, more evil than even a murderer of children, more evil than a false prophet who destroyed souls, as evil as the devil himself, and yet despite that, you persisted in retaining your knowledge of your true gender, even though it meant knowing that it made you irrevocably a monster condemned for all eternity.

I imagine you did not develop full amnesia in your attempt to distance yourself from the pain of your trauma, abuse, trans* identity, and internalized transphobia, and nearly killed yourself each time it surfaced for the next 30 years until you had healed enough to finally start living as your self, at which time all of your symptoms disappeared for good.

That's just one girl's experience, my own. But every trans* child I have ever heard about, even with the most supportive parents and doctors possible, have had to pass through hell to convince their parents and doctors to let them get the puberty blockers, and later when they are old enough, the right gender hormones etc. Many give up in despair before they make it that far; the suicide rate for untreated trans* youth is orders of magnitude higher than the general population; in an Israeli study, it was 80 times higher.

I recommend to you that you read the current WPATH standard of care, updated last year, which is followed by all physicians serving the trans* community. Your concerns about youth and the too early use of irreversible therapies is unwarranted. Even if you had wanted that at age 7, you could not have qualified for puberty blockers until you were well along in the Tanner stages of puberty, probably at 12 or 13 for most kids; and you could not have qualified for cross-gender hormone therapy until later, very rarely by 14 but usually closer to 16 or 17. Only a few people world wide have had surgery before 18, the youngest being about 15, and having lived in their gender for more than 10 years.

Please be aware that there are people who use language similar to that contained in your question, who call for the isolation and elimination of trans* people, and who use quotation marks in the same way that you did, as if to indicate that people's descriptions of their own experiences wasn't valid. I distrust any ideology, no matter how well intentioned, which denies others the validity of their own experience and pathologizes their own self-determination. I don't think you would do that, but human nature being what it is, it is very easy for intelligent young people such as yourself to get caught up in hate groups who masquerade as enlightened protectors of children.

You *are* quite wrong. Children can know their correct gender VERY early. (Not all children do of course, or necessarily understand what's going on with them). Nobody "becomes" transgender. They are transgender. That might sound like a little twist of phrase but "becoming" something implies there was some kind of choice around this. The suicide rate of trans people is astronomical (40%+). And shows the degree of distress that trans people can have. A 7 year old doesn't undergo hormone therapy (or even blockers). Perhaps counseling? But what would that do in a negative way. Many young children go into therapy for a variety of reasons. I think that you are not informed about how professionals would work with a young child. No one would do surgery, and it isn't even doable on a young child. No one prescribes T to someone who is 7. At 7 the only possibilities are social transition-- presentation; names and pronouns, that sort of thing. 

I don't know what was going on with you at 7. Some percentage of kids who have gender dysphoria do not become transgender. I actually think that it is much higher than 80% that are supposed to "grow out of it". But still. You had some gender dysphoria or whatever.

The kids you often read about identify extremely early (often younger than 5). They are very persistent over weeks, months, years. Parents who are aware enough to listen to their kids would also listen to them if they decided to not transition.

--Jay

Thanks for all your answers.

This really helped me understand that where my discomfort originated- a lack of understanding as to how trans children are identified/ the level of gender dysphoria that constitutes medical intervention.  This I can research more and figure out on my own.

I truly believe that dialectical interactions is the absolute best way to learn- I honestly love it when people tell me I am wrong. 

So, thanks, peace, and all the best!