Hey guys,

So it appears that there is another trans person that works in my office in a different department.  It was something I suspected prior to my own coming out at work, but was to sure as to which direction (for quite superficial reasons - female name and well developed boobies, but a masculine presentation otherwise), and since had confirmed by friends in her department that they believe she is MTF.

I've never spoke to her before, but would be quite intrigued to have a chat with her as I've never actually met another trans-person in real life.

Would it be rude of me to just sally up and say "Hi, I'm Kaylee.  I believe we have something in common"...wait until I pass her in the corridor...email her using the internal email system...or a million other ways of saying hello.

As she started working for the company as she is currently I'm not sure she would appreciate me wandering up and basically saying "Hi, spotted you a mile off, names Kaylee btw".  It wouldn't be an issue for me as everyone in the company got a chat from their manager when I went FT, so it's not exactly a secret, but I'm not sure if her status is common knowledge.

Is there a protocol in place for this kind of thing?

The protocol is to not approach her and basically let her know that you or others think she's trans. She may not be, it could just be a rumor. You could introduce yourself at some opportune time and just say hello, but leave any outing of her(if she is trans, you don't know for sure) to her. 

And keep in mind, someone can "look" trans, but not actually be trans.


I once had a customer ask about a girl that was in line ahead of him after she went out the door and despite her facial hair and other masculine features, I assured him that she was a woman that had even given birth to children and she just had a condition that gave her that appearance. Unfortunately, the idiot(that does know I am trans) behind him busted out laughing at the idea that the guy was asking me, a trans person that sort of thing. I'm sure I was outed once both of them were out the door as they started talking outside.

And one last thing, please don't participate in conversations with others about who or who might not be trans. Its just not right.

Quote from: big head horsey-face on November 01, 2013, 06:37:31 AM
The protocol is to not approach her and basically let her know that you or others think she's trans. She may not be, it could just be a rumor. You could introduce yourself at some opportune time and just say hello, but leave any outing of her(if she is trans, you don't know for sure) to her. 

That's what I figured, wait until the opportunity came up to just say hello as work colleagues, not explicitly go over and say hello.

Quote from: big head horsey-face on November 01, 2013, 06:37:31 AM
And one last thing, please don't participate in conversations with others about who or who might not be trans. Its just not right.

I see what you're saying, however it's something that friends had spoken to me about, rather than setting out to discuss it with anyone. 
I would never of brought it up myself, it was mentioned by a friend in the context of "I'm not fussed, do what makes you happy" when I came out to him.  It was then that he mentioned that his GF friend (who also works at the same company) had a close friend here that was in a similar position to mine - I basically put 2 and 2 together.

Sorry it it came across as if I was gossiping about the person in question, that is totally not the case. 

Quote from: Kaylee on November 01, 2013, 07:29:43 AM
Sorry it it came across as if I was gossiping about the person in question, that is totally not the case.

Your second post clarified it a bit, thanks. 

The protocol is, as has been mentioned, to keep your mouth shut at all times and act just as you would if you didn't suspect anything. Do not talk to other people about her, and if other people try to talk to you about her you shut it down by telling them it is a highly inappropriate behavior.

In my real life world other trans people simply don't exist.

I agree with just saying hi and leave it at that. I know I would take great offense if I was cisfemale and some random person came up to me and said I'm x are you transgender. Even if they were many aren't comfortable just spilling the beans right away.

I think the best way to know if other people are transgender is to be open that your transgender yourself when you talk to the person.
then they may tell you there transgender as well if thats the caise.

if not either they are not transgender or also there simple not interesteed in you to know.

Quote from: Natkat on November 01, 2013, 09:31:10 AM
I think the best way to know if other people are transgender is to be open that your transgender yourself when you talk to the person.
then they may tell you there transgender as well if thats the caise.

if not either they are not transgender or also there simple not interesteed in you to know.

Yeah, I think it's just a case of waiting for the opportunity to say hello.  As I said the whole company knows about me and I'm not really fussed about being stealth (I'm proud of who I am and what I've accomplished without any assistance from parents/family.  I have wide circle of friends/acquaintances so going stealth would involve moving city and I'm happy where I am)

I think I'll just say hello/make some small talk at the upcoming xmas party and leave it at that, leave it up to her to see if she wants to chat a bit more.

Quote from: MariaMx on November 01, 2013, 07:39:41 AM
The protocol is, as has been mentioned, to keep your mouth shut at all times and act just as you would if you didn't suspect anything. Do not talk to other people about her, and if other people try to talk to you about her you shut it down by telling them it is a highly inappropriate behavior.

In my real life world other trans people simply don't exist.

I couldn't put it better myself. The only thing I had in common with other trans people in my past is just that, being trans. Outside of this forum, the last activity I want to entertain with others is discussion about transness. Sticking pins in my eyeballs in much more preferred. 

If you think she is an interesting person, get to know her (as you would anyone else who seemed interesting). When she is ready to share her past with you, she will. If she isn't comfortable telling you, then sad to say, it's not your business.

This happened to me and  a woman I know. I was 99% positive she was MtF, but didn't want to ask her. I got to be friends with her, not because she was trans, but because she seemed to be an interesting person. Her past never came up, and I never asked about it.

She only came out to me when I started growing my nails and hair long and pierced my ears and she asked me what was up. I came out to her and then she came out to me.

I see quite a few trans ladies every time I visit my endo... I'd love to say to them "hi, I'm trans* too" but that would be tantamount to saying I read you in ten seconds flat. As we know, we like to fit in and the thought of anyone being able to read us, even another trans person, can be pretty devastating.

Introduce yourself and chat but keep gender or hints at reading her well out of it, see if she's someone you'd like to be to be friends with instead. Treat her as I imagine you yourself would like to be treated, as a person first and foremost (rather than as trans* or a 'novelty'). Maybe she'd rather be talking about girly things, or what a crap day she had in the office, or last night's party, rather trans* stuff. If she wants to be open about being trans* (is she is indeed trans*) that will come through friendship, especially if you tell her about yourself first (rather than implying a shared condition)...

Sounds like a great opportunity to make a friend!