I worked up the courage to tell my therapist last Tuesday. It went great, felt like I was floating all day. I was able to make an appointment with my GP yesterday. I was very nervous about it, but I got the words out. She was very understanding. Let me know that I'm her first trans patient so she might be over-thorough. That's fine. So, medically everything is great.

Last Tuesday, after the therapist, my mom invited up to her office for lunch, she works in the same building. We were in a private room, and I wanted to say something, but I couldn't do that to her at work. It just wouldn't be right. Thursday night my brother invited me over to his place to catch the Bulls game. This is very unusual, I generally only see his family on holidays. Technically it was one, but that's not the kind I mean. Now there's no bad feelings there, we're just a separatist sort of family. Anyway, I had myself worked up and thought it would be a great time to tell. With the little kids stopping in for candy, his kids in and out, and general (and normal) family chaos I just couldn't get it out. Looking back that's probably for the best. I want to be taken seriously, you know? So I resolve to stop in the next day (yesterday) and tell him since he works at home. I spent too much time at the GP (which was good, had blood drawn and sent labs to see if there are any issues with HRT) and needed to get to the office, I couldn't stop by. Last night was dinner at a public restaurant with my mom and grandmother. My grandmother is 92 and her mind is going. She won't understand. I can't tell her. Plus, we were in a public place, not a good spot to get into private information... My mom lives with my grandmother to keep an eye on her, so I can't just randomly stop by and talk. However, at 10:30 every Saturday my grandmother gets her hair done, problem solved, right? I get to their place at 10:45, I don't see my mom's car anywhere. I call her with the intent of asking her to come home to talk. Turns out my grandmother was already done at the salon and they were out at breakfast. I get invited, so I go. I have to sit there, ready to burst and I still can't say anything. The dinner the night before had been painful because I was freaking out, scared, ready to pop, and I just couldn't concentrate on what anyone was saying. Breakfast this morning was worse.

I did mange to pull my mom aside when my grandmother went to the bathroom and let her know I needed to talk to her. First thing she asks is if I got some girl pregnant. I felt the hysterical laughter bubbling up and quickly squashed it. She kept guessing, each time further from the mark...

I feel like the powers that be are taunting me. I've seen my family more since I announced myself to the therapist than I normally do an any given week yet I can't tell them a thing. I spend all day worrying and shaking.

AAAARGH!

Big hug! The good news is once this is behind you, it's behind you.  Stay focused, hugs, Devlyn

Well heck yes girl, shout it out and shake off that taunt!

Honestly tho it does sound like you are being very considerate of others time and venue.  I trust you also consider your needs as equally valuable and recognize that there is no "one" right time or way to come out.  You have taken huge steps IMO and it is fun to think of you floating down the street.  Congratulations for being so thoughtful and still pursuing your own course.
Many of us have written "draft" letters and actually practice our coming out routines.  The first few times i actually sat down and told friends the tears would not stop and I felt like a mess.  With little experience or confidence we still have the capacity to build strength and knowledge to make our lives our own.

You own this Magdalena and I trust you will resolve the freaking out, pain and worry that is holding you back.  You are so entirely worth it!

Big warm and hopefully reassuring hugs

Mom called. I didn't want to do it over the phone, but I did. I told her. She doesn't really understand. We really didn't get to talk about it long enough. I'm still shaking. Yay progress?

Maybe mom will be easier to talk to after she has time to get over the shock.

You can hope and still prepare to defend/explain your position calmly.



*furry KAT hug*

Stay strong big sis. I feel about the same way, I just can't get it out no matter how much I want to, I'm too scared. Big hug!
Love You!

Yes, I think that's progress! At least now she knows about it. My parents have probably forgotten about what I told them or they think I'm delusional or something Congratulations!
Kayla

*hugs!*  I remember that head-exploding feeling right before I told my mom and brother.  It's no fun!!! >.<

At least you got up the courage to say something to your mom over the phone.  It's a step!  I hope things go well when you get to talk to her in person.   Hopefully, she will be more understanding when you get to explain it to her more.  I think my mom kinda gets it, but she's still trying to convince me that I'm just a lesbian and my hormones are out of whack and don't get out of the house enough. XD

Keep your chin up, girl!  I'm rooting for you!!

I know exactly how you feel. BIG HUGS!! You can do it, over coming the fear to tell them in person is tough. Gosh it is tough but you can do it!

I have a thread in this forum that details my coming out to my parents as it happened but the hardest part was dealing with not telling them rather than what actually did happen once I did tell them. The first night I just couldn't tell them, too much family drama was in the air. I ended up driving home 25 miles bawling my eyes out and almost didn't get up to face the world the next day. Later on that day as I depressingly faced the world I spent 10 hours at their house having panic attack after panic attack as I tried to over and over to come out to them but still I couldn't. So once again I drove home bawling my eyes out that once again I was a failure. Then on the third day I was able to tell them but only after I had left them a letter on their bed to read and as I was once again on my way out to the door to bawl my eyes out because I couldn't just tell them and had to resort to leaving a letter behind my mom asked what's been bothering me and that was all I needed to begin talking.

Congrats on at least telling her over the phone. Once you get time to talk in person you'll get to really hash things out and really being the transition process. 

Another big step Magdalena, good progress for you indeed!  We represent a sea change that most people never consider.  I guess that 99% of people just don't think about their gender identity like we do and simply take it for granted that they are who they appear to be.  For many of us thinking about our gender identity can become an acute and obsessive concern.  I don't think that people who are not transgender can really understand us in a fundamental way. 

What they can hopefully understand is the depth and importance of our basic identity to us and our need to address what can become a crippling problem.  Family support can be a huge plus and I remind myself of another bumper sticker slogan; "love makes a family."  Recreating that "family" with deliberate intention and commitment by volunteer members is another way to build a supportive circle.

I have not given up on my family of origin but I also recognize that we have limited time and resources to lovingly educate people.  Good luck with your ongoing discussions.  I suggest a brief physical workout-dance or something fun to work out those shakes prior to sitting down with mom.  There are some really great print resources here that you may want to share with her. 

Thank you all so much for your support. I've stopped with the shaking and am a little more calm today, so it must be progress. 

I am still worried about what's coming next, but with family like you all with me how could I go wrong? 

Kai, I think I'm going to get some of that same treatment. Like I'm just confused or lost or this is a phase... But now that the door is open I think I can make her see how it is. I hope. 

 We can go through this together girlfriend
Love,
Kayla

That's a deal, Kayla. 

 

Good on you to get it out. It gets easier. I saw earlier on the site at another topic I was looking at. Someone said "it was hard to come out, but once I did I couldn't shut up." That's how I was. My mom found out first (even though I hadn't wanted to tell her yet), then I told my wife. Then I had to tell my dad. My in-laws found out next (due to a slightly hostile situation between my wife and I at that point). Then I told my brother. My wife's entire family knows now. I told all my friends at various times. I want my family to know, but my parents told me to wait until I actually start.

It'll get better.

On an unrelated note, Kayla, if that is a picture of you, uh.... WHY AREN'T YOU OUT!!! I'd be out if I looked like that.

That isn't a picture of me sadly. I pray every night that it was though
Kisses

Well, on that note, wish it was me too.

Quote from: Magdalena on November 02, 2013, 02:35:01 PM
Mom called. I didn't want to do it over the phone, but I did. I told her. She doesn't really understand. We really didn't get to talk about it long enough. I'm still shaking. Yay progress?

Good for you, hon!  It is progress.  And perhaps a little information at first is easier to digest.  Maybe let your mom ask some questions at her pace.

We talked again.

Except for my gentle, non-agressive nature, apparently there's nothing girly about me... Because, you know, I didn't play with dolls as a kid.

She's asking me to see a different therapist implying my current one is somehow at fault. I, of course, told her no, not going to happen. She supports me but isn't convinced this is the right thing, nor is she going to be happy about it (her words). I'm not sure how supportive that is...

Frustrated. 

Ah, stereotypes!  There is nothing particularly "girly" about many natal women.

I would advise avoiding the "gender expectation" game.  Define yourself, rather than having to meet someone else's idea of what a woman should be