My surgeon emailed me that she can accept supporting letters "as you have them". My current GT told me she'd be happy to write me one. She referred me to one of her colleagues for another. "He won't give you a hard time," she assured me. "He understands transgender people." She made it sound like a formality.

He talked to me for an hour. The first 55 minutes were fine. Then things went down hill really fast. I asked him whether he was ready to write a letter for me.

He said no.

My jaw dropped. I asked him why.

He said that my surgery was still 7 months away. He's not comfortable writing letters this early.

I asked him why not. If I'm a candidate now, wouldn't I still be a candidate in 7 months?

He wanted to know why I wanted the letter now.

I told him that the weeks before the surgery will be crazy, what with finishing the school year, preparing to be out of town for a number of weeks, etc., and I didn't want any loose ends.

He said he has never written a surgery letter this far ahead of time. He didn't think the surgeon would accept it.

I offer to forward the surgeon's email.

He says, well HE'S not comfortable with it.

I mention that the SOC don't give a timetable for the letters. They requires letters and RLE, but no requirement when the letters come.

Then he told me, "you're not divorced."

I asked him what that has to do with it.

He said, "she might take you to court."

OK, first of all, since when do spouses have a legal veto over what type of surgery people have???

Second of all, IN WHAT UNIVERSE is wanting to get things done ahead of time a sign that I'm not ready for surgery?

I am SO SO SO SO  SO SICK of practitioners that insist they know better than I do, who decide after one short session based on flimsy evidence that I am not competent to make decisions about my own body.

Sounds, to me, like he is looking for any reason NOT to write you a letter, for whatever reason.  I would go back to your GT and let her know that "he did give you a hard time."

Quote from: Ms. OBrien CVT on November 06, 2013, 07:05:07 PM
Sounds, to me, like he is looking for any reason NOT to write you a letter, for whatever reason.

Actually, I think it's 190 reasons - the $190.00 he charged me for the session. He hinted something about maybe wanting to see me again.

You and I see "transwoman". Gatekeepers see "money tree".

He does sound like such a Richard Cranium.  And I agree they seem to think they know best.  NOT!

I thought one letter had to from a psychiatrist or psychologist. Are one of those in that ilk or is that no longer required?

You need someone else for your letter I think. I agree with telling your therapist about your experience.

Section 5 is the item of interest: https://www.susans.org/wiki/Standards_of_Care_for_Gender_Identity_Disorders

Quote from: LordKAT on November 06, 2013, 07:38:38 PM
I thought one letter had to from a psychiatrist or psychologist. Are one of those in that ilk or is that no longer required?

You need someone else for your letter I think. I agree with telling your therapist about your experience.

...before you need a malpractice attorney.  He sounds like a complete bigot as well to require a divorce first.  I hate it when I hear about having your walking papers held out like a carrot on a stick.  "Maybe next time, sucker..."? 

I thought therapists were supposed to help you, not create more problems. 

That is ludicrous! And appalling.

I actually finalized my date with the surgeon 9 months in advance... and to do that, I needed the letters! It's not only not unheard-of, I'd bet this is *common.*

Quote from: Jenna Marie on November 06, 2013, 08:16:58 PM
That is ludicrous! And appalling.

I actually finalized my date with the surgeon 9 months in advance... and to do that, I needed the letters! It's not only not unheard-of, I'd bet this is *common.*

I had my date penciled (as a former patient of the surgeon) and just sent him the (updated) letter a month before surgery. I know Brassard is open to holding a date on the condition that a letter and deposit come in.

Find another therapist. He has an agenda. My second letter was a slam dunk. The therapist already had it written on her laptop before I got there... She talked to me for like 30 minutes, then read the letter over to me while she filled in some specifics (my name, DOB, address, etc)... Printed it out and sent me on my way. Let your original therapist know what transpired as well.

there are therapists that will write you a letter after a Skype session. Don't let this individual stand in the way of what you need.

Just be patient and let him sign it closer to your date. But have a backup plan. He doesn't feel comfortable which I feel should be respected. Not trying to rain on your rant, but people in his position face real risk of legal action if things don't go according to plan. 

Report him to the board of ethics.

Asking about a divorce is totally unprofessional, and NOT part of the SOC.

I edited out the contents of email I posted - probably not the sort of thing I should be posting. (Thanks LTL for the tip).

I don't understand your position on this. It appears to me they're trying to help you. My suspicion of legal liability concerns appears to be confirmed.

I would let the letter make you feel better, but I wouldn't send it.

Quote from: suzifrommd on November 07, 2013, 12:23:48 PM
I would welcome comments, including whether or not it's a good idea:

You know the people concerned better than I do, so I don't feel qualified to say whether it's a good idea or not. What I would ask instead is, what do you see the outcome of sending the letter being? In terms of your future relationship with both of them, and how that would affect you?

Flan : I actually went to Brassard, but I didn't find out about his willingness to be flexible until afterwards. His materials said the letters had to be part of the application and schedule process, so I frantically ran around lining them up months in advance!

Suzi : I'll just say that that message is very direct, and second the question of what you hope to gain from it. That is, I agree, the essential issue behind "is this a good letter to write to them."

Just one mans opinion but, I would talk to the original therapist and tell her that you don't appreciate the run around and you feel like you have been lied to or at least deceived by her words. Then explain that you have followed the surgeons advice by asking for the letters now and would appreciate some cooperation with that. If it is not forth coming, seek other sources for your letters. Money speaks quite often.

Well, I really haven't gone off the deep end. I ended up sending email telling my current therapist how I feel. I toned it down considerably, took out the stuff about being a gatekeeper, but kept in the stuff about my feelings. I'm still in shock, and not sure what I'll do about this. The fact that she sent me email (and called) me is a good sign. That she understands this is a big shock to my system.

Sephirah, KAT, Jenna, and Nikko, thanks for helping ground me to reality.

Hugs dear lady. The future is yet to be.