I myself have had dreams and visions since i was around 10 or younger.Some warnings,some leading and some very demonic as satan tried to confuse,mislead or otherwise torment me.Also given a word from God his self over the birth of a child and many other personal experiences.And some of the very things i have went through in life were directly in the face of both.What i mean is that in *per say* the spiritual realm,i have come face to face with God and Satan.*Not physical face of course* I myself was taught many things that i *thought* *I* didnt agree with.The one thing i will remember is when my mind was taken over by the spirit of fear (mind you,MUCH different then panic attacks.) One day i was sitting in my kitchen with my family (LONG before i knew anything) and suddenly i started to freak out,grabbing my own body parts *mostly leg* and started to scream -im dying!! theres a blood clot or something!! make it stop!!- (my family literally was scared,they didnt know what had come over me) i made my family rush me to an ER as i was in tears and unable to control it.they told me NOTHING was wrong with me but because the DOC thought i was having withdraws for narcotics,he gave me a pain med that my mother took away from me and said *you arent touching this crap!* (she didnt believe in controlled medication,even if it came from the doc and you knew what you were doing and doing it well.this went for ANY thing,even anxiety meds) of course it was experiences like this that i was allowed to go through them,satan *allowed* to torment me in such high degrees that i found the strength to say *what do i believe in?* God was a very strong support and love in my life during these times (ill admit that i have been very eager to get closer) And to have him personally lead one is an amazing
experience.My spirit was always very in tune and easy to talk to and so was my heart.During times of (as an example) i would watch the news and saw someone being beaten over hate,i would cringe and my heart and spirit would cry.Even with all the hate that my blind family taught my mind,God taught everything else and i learned *with all the torments,fear,pain* that the body is only a shell and does not determine who we are.Many believe that *to lie-lay* with someone is a form of sexual action and i have never disputed someone elses views but i have also never let go of what I KNOW to be true,not because of what someone on earth taught me but what God his self showed me.After i found out i was Transgender,i went through a small period of searching for truth.Was this part of his plan? was i ment to know,understand and suffer as like any woman and to say that i could walk away knowing i have had that experience,then to only *after all was taught and like finally reaching my destiny* be given who i REALLY am? Was my body really the definition of ME and was this just another torment from satan his self? Even though its true that i have slipped further away due to alot of lifes experiences,i began to have dreams relating to these questions and over time,they alone began to lead me to WHO i was.Another question for me was *IF this is a lie,then why did it take 30 years to be told with all the other lies i was fed as i grew up? why after so long? and why did the depression leave when i found out this information? wasnt the depression *the disorder* a form of being oppressed? and if i was set free,doesnt the bible say that *the TRUTH shall set you free?* looking back on all the experiences i have had,these questions seemed almost silly to ask myself.But i had a few dreams
1) I was standing in a black background *this allows the purpose of only focusing on what is important IN the dream* and i stood in a male form and on my chest was written MY new name but it seemed to be apart of me,inside me,one with me and that knowledge seemed to bring me peace and happiness.
2) The view was only that of a paper/form of some sort and i was signing my male name but the middle name only started with an F. *which brings in the below*
(God picked my male middle name
btw.As i was searching i found a name and its very discription WAS me to a T and inside i heard a pulling and that was when i made it officially MINE)
I myself was always an unconditional lover because i know in my heart that the hardest person to love in this world is ME..I am FAR from worthy of everything he has ever taught me,given me and what he has planned and because of that,i know that MANY are worthy of his love,compassion,acceptance and forgiveness.The below i have lived on and refuse to exalt myself but be
humble.As one who is lowly,i will lift up those around me
The Parable of the Pharisee and the Tax Collector
*Luke 18:9-14
9 To some who were confident of their own righteousness and looked down on everyone else, Jesus told this parable: 10 "Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11 The Pharisee stood by himself and prayed: 'God, I thank you that I am not like other people—robbers, evildoers, adulterers—or even like this tax collector. 12 I fast twice a week and give a tenth of all I get.'
13 "But the tax collector stood at a distance. He would not even look up to heaven, but beat his breast and said, 'God, have mercy on me, a sinner.'
14 "I tell you that this man, rather than the other, went home justified before God. For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.*