Hello all:

I was just curious as to why the non-transitioners are non-transitioners. Please check a box(es) above that best fits your situation, and/or explain below in a reply.

I am not transitioning because so far I've been feeling pretty comfortable being male in a female body, I've been following Sikhi as best as I possibly can and part of the path is not changing your body much from it's natural state, and I know transitioning would have a negative impact on my current job. The need to transition isn't very strong, I do think about it though and in a fairy tale world I'd take the magic potion which would suddenly transform me into a biological male, but in my daily life, I am comfortable continuing on as I am now. I just act like myself and while I do dress female sometimes for specific reasons, I am pretty cool with how my life is.

I want to stay as dad to my kids.

barbie~~

Quote from: barbie on November 29, 2013, 06:54:16 AM
I want to stay as dad to my kids.

barbie~~

OMG! That's the biggest reason for me too. 

J.

For a good five years now I have been taking the trans beast head on after a good five decades of avoiding it or dancing around the fringes. Over those five years I have come to some level self acceptance which led to loosing about all of the shame and a good part of the guilt associated with being what I am. That process allowed me to finally achieve my life long dream, to be seen as and accepted as a woman. For the first time in decades I've been experiencing joy, passion, and found peace and happiness.

Now I wrestle with a different beast; fear and indecision. The growth I've experienced these past few years has taught me that I am allowed to feel good about my achievements. That I am deserving of them. I've had by most measures a fantastic life. (TBH, still have a hard time with that).

So, Why transition? Is that additional happiness worth the potential cost?

I think for me the biggest reason would be fear.  I have a real fear of surgery.  Just the idea makes me shiver.  Although I would really like at some point to be and seen as a woman.  But also right now I am happy to quit pretending I am someone I am not and letting people know who I really am and be accepted for that.   Maybe one day I will transition and maybe not, I'm keeping my mind open to the possibilities

Rejection. Being outcast (more than already am). Family. Responsibilities. Fear of never passing (even though I know beautiful girls who deal every freaking day and are beyond amazing). Promises I already made. Lots of reasons.

But, it's getting more inevitable every day. I can't die like this and I don't really have good excuses anymore. For the parents. That is something I can respect and admire. People make sacrifices for the ones they love, especially their children. I'm not even cut out for that.

Still my little daughter sometimes calls me 'mom', but immediately tries to correct it. My sons also did so when they were very young.

My daughter is very curious about some cosmetics I have, and she tries to wear them, but usually scolded by her mom for her messy face. She sometimes complains that her class mates first think I am her mom, but she is anyway proud of me. As I have maintained good relationship with my wife since she was born, she has been emotionally very stable and bright, and I do not want to disturb her.

She likes to speak to other adults. Everybody here likes my daughter. My crossdressing is a kind of everyday amusement to her. She likes making fun of it, and sometimes meddles in it.

barbie~~

Unable to come out to any of the three people I want to come out to first (biggest reason). Scared of being infertile. Cannot drive yet (though making progress). Is a HUGE procrastinator. Seriously planning to after telling my dad (and refusing to go to college until I can)

So that's four off your list.

Quote from: michelle_kelly on December 02, 2013, 10:05:54 PM
I think for me the biggest reason would be fear.  I have a real fear of surgery.  Just the idea makes me shiver. 

Why would you need surgery?

Lots of people (most?) never have surgery and many of those that do live successfully post-transition for many years prior to any surgery.

I have raised this point before and am about to again. It's curious to me that I think I shouldn't. Curious in a sad and painful kind of way. There's a voice in my head saying, 'You have said your piece on this matter once, so now shut up!' Evidence, I guess, of how little room I allow myself to be, to connect, to live.

I see so much of this lately, how holed up and withdrawn I have become - not sharing myself, not showing myself, not allowing myself much room in this world - as I struggle with both physical and social dysphoria. Sigh. Which gets me to realizing what a blessing this place is: Somewhere to actually practice sharing and showing and all the rest. Wow!

Which brings me to 'this point': While I know what is meant by the term 'transitioning' here, as times wears on I become less and less comfortable saying 'I am not transitioning.' There are just too many changes happening - and more to come! That these changes do not, as of yet, include procedures generally subsumed beneath what Joules termed 'medical transitioning', does not mean there is no transition going on here.

So why am I not transitioning? Well, I'm not not transitioning! 

Quote from: Tanya W on December 03, 2013, 01:51:06 PM
Which brings me to 'this point': While I know what is meant by the term 'transitioning' here, as times wears on I become less and less comfortable saying 'I am not transitioning.' There are just too many changes happening - and more to come! That these changes do not, as of yet, include procedures generally subsumed beneath what Joules termed 'medical transitioning', does not mean there is no transition going on here.

So why am I not transitioning? Well, I'm not not transitioning!

Maybe a better word would be transforming?

I just don't know who or what I am. In other words, still doing some soul searching.

Quote from: insideontheoutside on December 03, 2013, 05:13:42 PM
Maybe a better word would be transforming?

Interesting suggestion, Inside.

My umbrage with the 'non-transitioning' / 'not transitioning' label is, at root, about the blatant negation in the term. I mean, it begins with 'non' / 'not' for gosh sakes! I feel that myself and others like me - anyone adapting to a less than conventional gender sense without the aid of medical intervention - work too damn hard to be umbrellaed under a term that starts this way, carries such a disempowering connotation.

So my suggestion has been to drop the 'non' / 'not' and embrace the word 'transitioning' as descriptive of the situation I find myself in. It's an okay fix, as far as it goes, but there always remains the fact that the trans community as whole tends to use the term in another way.

In this light, your introduction of an entirely different word has some attractive merit. 'Transforming' becomes a term that describes all who adapt to a less than conventional gender sense. 'Transitioning' describes those who undergo some sort of medical intervention in this quest. And of those who do not avail themselves of such intervention? 'Transforming without transition'?

When I think of "non-transitioning" its purely in the medical context.

I can still transition/transform without hrt, surgery, etc. I have no problem with the term as is, since I am not and have no current intention to transition medically.

Maybe this should be the subject of a new topic to get more in depth into this.

It really is the trans community that set the definition (well, I guess you can credit psychologists too ...) and if you go around saying you're "transitioning" without any medical aid it seems to ruffle some feathers.

It's like when I mentioned being "stealth", but my perspective of that term is that no one knows my big secret. They are seeing me as a gender I am not on the outside. Rather than the trans definition of it, which is the outside world not knowing your backstory and that you weren't born as the current gender you appear. There were some boats rocked with that one.

Since there already are 31 flavors of terms within "the community" why not come up with a couple new ones and start using those?

ETA

LearnedHand - we should start another thread revolving around this topic

I am not sure what I am. I am taking Bovine Ovary along with Pituitary Glandular, but don't know if that counts as transitioning or not. I will not be passable in my opinion and am too old, plus too tall. Changing the shape of my body is great to fit into female clothes in the privacy of my own home.

I'm not in a position to yet. There's a nine-month waiting list for the only gender clinic for young people in my state, and I'm still underage and dependent on my family, who wouldn't be supportive.

ok i voted other. no for my reasioning.....

well 1: my fiance is rather attached to that part of my anatomy and i want to keep her happy with me. we had made the deal at the beguining that i would keep it. so i am,
2:there is no garentee that i will loss sexual funtion. meaning there is the chance that i will still get hard as time goes on.
so for now untill i nolonger have the abuility to get hard it will be at that time i will reconcider the desision.

Strike what I said. Infertility scares the crap out of me.

Quote from: barbie on November 29, 2013, 06:54:16 AM
I want to stay as dad to my kids.

"Family or Social reasons" & "I am transitioning, or already have, and just wanted to see the results"

ditto! Kids are now 14 and soon to be 16 (boy/girl) and while my LIFE has been one of constant transitions (ie: change of career, friends, interests etc) it just not so readily 'apparent', nobody's real business but mine! With kids of legal choosing age and 'ex' finally out of the picture my older sister constantly affirms I am the best 'single mom' she's ever seen!

Being 'trans' is so much more than just 'appearances' CHOICES & ACTIONS speak volumes for sure!