My friend is a 34 years old girl who despite very rich and has all money in the world doesn't want to operate simply cos of FEAR. She's craving to operate as hell but the problem is she's just scared.

1.Scared of the PAIN.
2.Scared her vagina will look 'clockable'
3.Scared she won't have orgasm.

She's paranoid of all that.

Me I don't have the money and if I had I'd operate NOW today itself if possible. She doesn't realize the chance she has. PLEASE CONVINCE HER TO JUMP INTO THE WATERS ALREADY AND WHY SHE SHOULD NOT FEAR.

Well first of all I think its a very personal decision and I don't think anyone should do anything they don't feel comfortable with because that way lies regret.

That said I do think that running away from something you truly want because of fear is also a path to regret - so the solution is to face the fear and overcome it NOT by delusion but by weighing up the facts, and then making a rational decision.

The facts are these:

1. Pain - Yes there is physical discomfort with any procedure and I'm not going to lie and say there isn't. However this pain is temporary. You get through it... The drugs you can be given are pretty good at controlling it. Doctors are now MUCH better at pain management that they were in the past and a lot of the "horror" stories come from people who either went to a cheap clinic, or were treated back in the days when pain management was less sophisticated. Whereas the psychological pain of living with the wrong bits is never ending and life crippling.

2. Vagina clockable - In theory it may be - BUT probably only to an anatomist or doctor - Most people either won't know or simply won't care, and the bottom line is even if a few might clock it, its still a vagina. You have the right bits and purely in terms of your own personal peace of mind that is surely better. Once again a lot of advances have been made in this area within the last few years. Chances are if you are looking at the results of a cheap surgeon, or a photo on the internet which is more than ten years old, what CAN be done by a quality modern surgeon will be far better than what you have seen.

3. Orgasms - No one can guarantee this, because at the end of the day some natal females are anorgasmic - however in general MOST people - by far and away the majority can orgasm postoperatively... I'll stick my neck out and say over 90% overall, and of those that don't, a fair few will have either been treated by a second rate surgeon, or be anorgasmic for other reasons like for example taking anti-depressants many of which are known to inhibit orgasm. So again the key is not got to a cheap doctor, but to find one who really knows his stuff.

So really the bottom line is this. Her fear is not based on completely ridiculous concerns - but it clearly is exaggerated. 

The real question here is are these fears the real reason for not doing it, or are they merely a rational excuse not to do something that deep down she doesn't really want. Only she will know the answer to that.

Quote from: Evolving Beauty on December 09, 2013, 06:39:10 AM
She doesn't realize the chance she has.

Knock it off.

You're jealous of her money, critical of her decision to non-op, maybe you're second-guessing wanting surgery yourself - if she's scared, you feel like you should be too.  Express those feelings, put them in words - for your own sanity and for the health of your relationship with her.

But don't try to live vicariously.  It won't be good for either of you.  Money's transferrable, one's life experiences aren't.  It would be far better to suck it up and ask her to help fund your surgery than what you're asking here.

I'm not saying you should ask for money, but telling her what to do with it is less invasive than telling her what to do with her body.  If you can't be comfortable with the first, you shouldn't do the second.

E.B., decisions such as whether or not to have SRS do not always revolve around reasons.

Oh, we'll say it has to do with pain or appearance or fear of anorgasmia, but in reality these decisions are made intuitively.

Regardless of what reasons she may give you, your friend knows in her heart whether or not surgery is right for her.

Quote from: suzifrommd on December 09, 2013, 09:32:54 AM
E.B., decisions such as whether or not to have SRS do not always revolve around reasons.

Oh, we'll say it has to do with pain or appearance or fear of anorgasmia, but in reality these decisions are made intuitively.

Regardless of what reasons she may give you, your friend knows in her heart whether or not surgery is right for her.

Exactly right. Live your own life, not someone else's. The heart knows what it knows.

You can't force someone to have surgery.

I was offered the money for SRS recently and I knocked it back, I don't need SRS to feel 'complete'..

Quote from: Evolving Beauty on December 09, 2013, 06:39:10 AM
My friend is a 34 years old girl who despite very rich and has all money in the world doesn't want to operate simply cos of FEAR. She's craving to operate as hell but the problem is she's just scared.

1.Scared of the PAIN.
2.Scared her vagina will look 'clockable'
3.Scared she won't have orgasm.

She's paranoid of all that.

Me I don't have the money and if I had I'd operate NOW today itself if possible. She doesn't realize the chance she has. PLEASE CONVINCE HER TO JUMP INTO THE WATERS ALREADY AND WHY SHE SHOULD NOT FEAR.

Your heart is in the right place, but consider how much of a personal decision this is for your friend.  While her concerns may appear minor to you, they may be very important to her.  Also, you may not know if she isn't fully disclosing her reasons for not getting the surgery.  You can't convince someone to do this.  They have to want it for themselves.

I don't have the money either and would like to do it in the future too, but I don't think her available resources are relevant here.  The fact is her concerns don't appear to be financially based, so it doesn't matter if she can afford the surgery.  The question is if she really wants it or not.  No money can really tip the balance there.  She has to do what's right for her. 

Quote from: Evolving Beauty on December 09, 2013, 06:39:10 AM
My friend is a 34 years old girl who despite very rich and has all money in the world doesn't want to operate simply cos of FEAR. She's craving to operate as hell but the problem is she's just scared.

1.Scared of the PAIN.
2.Scared her vagina will look 'clockable'
3.Scared she won't have orgasm.

She's paranoid of all that.

Me I don't have the money and if I had I'd operate NOW today itself if possible. She doesn't realize the chance she has. PLEASE CONVINCE HER TO JUMP INTO THE WATERS ALREADY AND WHY SHE SHOULD NOT FEAR.

You should definitely not convince anyone to make anything of her body. BUT, if I take you literally, I
should assume that she actually would like to undergo SRS, but she's concerned of those 3 very sound
points. So here's how I can answer her:

1) There's some pain but nowadays it can be well controlled with the proper drugs. There're definitely
much more painful events. Any discomfort or residual pain will fade out faster and faster, and after 3-6
months (depending) everything is left behind.
2) I think the most skilled surgeons today (expecially those from USA or Thailand) attain very good
results, both aesthetically and functionally. Every case is different of course, and she COULD in some
unfortunate event need a revision surgery, but from what I heard it's no longer so common.
3) She won't definitely lose the ability to have orgasms unless she already had problems before.
What is not guaranteed is her capability to have orgasms from vaginal penetration - but that depends
largely on obtained depth and emploied technique.

surgery is up to her. and theres nothing wrong with having money 

I agree with everyone else... I'm glad I did it *for me,* and I haven't had any issues with aesthetics or functioning, but I'd never suggest that anyone else needs to alter their bodies just because I did it. If she doesn't want to, that's all that matters. (I also agree with people who say she may have other reasons she isn't choosing to share, or maybe hasn't even figured out for herself yet.)

Pre Op I would have been willing to kick her hard to knock off that reasoning.  Post Op, I now think those are very excellent reasons among others to be VERY careful about going into having the surgery.  She definitely needs to keep up with appointments with her GT though to deal with the fear issues for themselves, and to close the gap between scared and wanting the surgery, maybe to the point of finding comfort being Non Op.  Go ahead though and see if she can give you a loan for your chop job.

Your friend is the only person who can decide whats right for her. Some of the things you listed that she is concerened over are valid points. Let your friend take her time to figure out what she wants to do. After all it's her body.

Its her life and her body.  If she is scared why do you want to push her?  I do know that no neo vag will look exactly genetic and without scaring.  It is just not technically possible at this point, but it can be functional and close to looking aesthetically good.   

I would never advocate for anyone to do anything trans. Is only done because one must.

Those seem to be pretty much my same doubts, minus the pain. I've just finished a stage on which I have been numb down there thanks to antidepressants. Anorgasmia, no sensation whatsoever... Like having a sausage attached with duct tape, so the possibility of having a new genitalia which may not work... I don't know, I just starting getting sensibility down there again and I don't feel like risking a lot.

Regarding the aspect sure, if you post a photo on the net thousand guys will say "that's the ugliest vagina I've ever seen, bit I seriously doubt anybody would ever say that in real life (and get kicked out of the bed). Still I suppose it's a randomised thing based on the previous body configuration, the surgeon's skill and whatever complications may arise.

I feel the orgasm point is worth more concern than given above. I was easily able to orgasm as late as a less than 24 hours before SRS. That I have been unable to do so since has had a powerful negative impact on me, particularly mentally, and that is not good for recovery.

If she doesn't want SRS then the last thing she needs is pressure to have it. Take it from someone who was pressured (by HRT endocrinologists in my case) and now has the regrets to show for it.