Quote from: Misato on December 15, 2013, 08:52:25 AMThe family of my SO found out at her father's funeral in October. Was awkward, but no big deal in the end. Grandma, mother of my SO's deceased dad, even caught me cleaning up in her bathroom and said lovingly, "you're pretty enough already." Conservative, religious woman and all that and no problem.

Let's look at your language here too cause "Going to be dragged" sticks out at me. You are choosing to go somewhere and do things you don't like or approve of (unless your family puts a collar on you and does indeed you drag from place to place). You are choosing to accommodate them and their needs. They like it or not, seems only fair they accommodate your needs too.

I guess I'm just really submissive. If I'm being told I have to go, I guess that means I have to go. I've always had trouble saying no. Because whenever I did, something terrible always went wrong, and I got the blame for it, making me feel worse. So I go to not hurt anyone else.

Quote from: Willow on December 15, 2013, 10:01:23 AM
I guess I'm just really submissive. If I'm being told I have to go, I guess that means I have to go. I've always had trouble saying no. Because whenever I did, something terrible always went wrong, and I got the blame for it, making me feel worse. So I go to not hurt anyone else.

Then, there doesn't seem to be a problem here? If you prefer to submit and let others dominate your wants and assume responsibility for "something terrible" happening that you had no real part in, if you prefer to hurt yourself instead of risking upsetting others, that's what you appear to be setting yourself up for. So, no problem?

I totally get not being willing or wanting to take certian steps. I still can't make myself go out and buy underwear in store, preferring to buy on-line. That's my hang up, my fear, my responsibility, my choice to avoid confronting. But with my on-line buying I have also found something that is working for me. The casualness of, "I guess I'm just really submissive" hints that being submissive might be working for you and your life. If so, great, if not... Well, then you're back to having a problem to solve and I'm finding myself compelled to share that in my experience, taking responsibility for your role in the matter is very often a good first step toward solving it.

Quote from: Misato on December 15, 2013, 12:28:37 PM
Then, there doesn't seem to be a problem here? If you prefer to submit and let others dominate your wants and assume responsibility for "something terrible" happening that you had no real part in, if you prefer to hurt yourself instead of risking upsetting others, that's what you appear to be setting yourself up for. So, no problem?

I totally get not being willing or wanting to take certian steps. I still can't make myself go out and buy underwear in store, preferring to buy on-line. That's my hang up, my fear, my responsibility, my choice to avoid confronting. But with my on-line buying I have also found something that is working for me. The casualness of, "I guess I'm just really submissive" hints that being submissive might be working for you and your life. If so, great, if not... Well, then you're back to having a problem to solve and I'm finding myself compelled to share that in my experience, taking responsibility for your role in the matter is very often a good first step toward solving it.

I get it. I need a bit more recive in my relationship with my family. But they already find me too self-centric already. This isa fragile and one sided relationship, but I have to do something. I need to be more courageous and less cowardly. I need to shift onto offense if I ever want anything to happen with my life.

Thank you, Misato, for lighting the fire within me.

Yes, but I finished transition over three years ago, so it's not really a big deal for me or them by now. We also don't actually have a big enough family for parties, but I know what you meant.

Quote from: Willow on December 15, 2013, 01:29:14 PM
I get it. I need a bit more recive in my relationship with my family. But they already find me too self-centric already. This isa fragile and one sided relationship, but I have to do something. I need to be more courageous and less cowardly. I need to shift onto offense if I ever want anything to happen with my life.

Thank you, Misato, for lighting the fire within me.

I think it's hard to not be self centered prior to transition. Takes a lot of focus and work to tie yourself down sufficiently so no telltale signs come out. Become you, and I suspect the possibility of being able to be there for others will open up.

I think you had the fire in your hand. At best, I merely helped position the hand holding said fire under your tookis.

Quote from: Alainaluvsu on December 15, 2013, 09:57:56 AM
Keep strong. I have a neighbor friend who is in the services and is trans. She is post op and creating waves. She is so close to retirement it's not even funny, but they want to kick her out for having SRS. The army is caught between trying to sweep it under the rug and delaying her case until she CAN hit that 20 year mark, but if it doesn't stay quiet for that long the ACLU is talking about taking up her case. They're saying this could cause a HUGE uproar in the public eye that can change things for good for trans persons in the services.

That sounds like the Army to me either ignore it or pass it on to someone else. Did she actually transition before surgery without a problem or did she present male? Also I only have 4 years in, but hopefully I'm getting a Medical retirement for Major Depression and Anxiety, as wrong as it is to be excited for that.

I don't know if my brother and his girlfriend know (not that I really care) so if it's just them and my parents for Christmas this year, I won't make much of an effort (if any) to hide anything. In fact, I might just tell them. But if we all go to my mom's friend's house, I'll have to make some more effort to go into boy-mode. :/ They're very religious and very outspoken... So I don't want to cause any drama. Can't wait until next month, I really want to do something about my eyebrows. I swear, this will be the last holiday where I'm going to hide...

Quote from: Ashey on December 15, 2013, 08:30:17 PM
Can't wait until next month, I really want to do something about my eyebrows. I swear, this will be the last holiday where I'm going to hide...

Going to my first laser session on the 31st and she said she would be able to wax my brows, very tempted to have her do them since I should be on leave for 2 weeks. I'll just play dumb if anyone asks me about them at work 

I just started HRT three months ago and I am still living as a male full-time so no, I won't be able to be myself this year. Not looking forward to the holidays at all. Next year will be different and I am traveling out of town to spend some holiday time with my SO's family who have not met me yet so on the plus side I don't have to necessarily present as male and while I'm not presenting as female, I can let my guard down a little bit and just present as someone transitioning (I actually have a bunch of women's unisex type clothing I plan to wear as I transition).

Quote from: Misato on December 15, 2013, 07:35:06 PMI think it's hard to not be self centered prior to transition. Takes a lot of focus and work to tie yourself down sufficiently so no telltale signs come out. Become you, and I suspect the possibility of being able to be there for others will open up.

I think you had the fire in your hand. At best, I merely helped position the hand holding said fire under your tookis.

I think that's especially relevant since my male persona was a stereotypical one, very ->-bleeped-<-ish. I will do my best about being myself around my parents, I'm still a little worried about how I could hurt them. But I have to stay strong.

I don't know, it may have been, but you sure helped.