I looked around for a specific mental health subforum but didn't really see one. If this isn't the right place, please forgive me.

Ever since around Thanksgiving, when I'm around my family it's getting to be really weird and I have this sort of...sadness or depression. I wish that I could tell them what's going on, but it's not an option right at the moment. I get to feeling like this whole thing is just too big to handle. When I'm staying at my parents' house, I find that I tend to get more suicidal thoughts than when I'm not. I don't really know how describe the feeling other than I feel wrong. I was riding with my dad today, and it was kind of dark out; catching my reflection in the side mirror, it was vague enough that I looked like a normal woman. It made me happy and sad at the same time; I want that for myself but it makes the interim all the more brutal.

I was hoping that some of you might have some strategies or tips or whatever that help to process those feelings? It's going to be a while before I can do much more than talk to a therapist, and if this keeps getting worse, I'm not sure how I'm going to handle it.

Well start with small things that make you feel more feminine. Shave your legs and under arms, buy nice underwear, treat yourself to nice soaps and stuff. Basically pamper yourself until you can move forward. If you can maybe get your ears pierced and wear ear rings. Make sure your nails look nice, polish your toe nails. All of this can be done without people noticing and will make you feel better.

Hugs Hon

You need a therapist who specializes in gender issues (if you can find one) as soon as humanly possible.  Call around.  If you do have this, you need to address it yesterday.  I made the mistake of living with this until I was 43.  Life's too short to be miserable all the time and I wish you a future of happiness instead of needless decades of torture.

Quote from: Jill F on December 17, 2013, 02:28:08 AM
You need a therapist who specializes in gender issues (if you can find one) as soon as humanly possible.  Call around.  If you do have this, you need to address it yesterday.  I made the mistake of living with this until I was 43.  Life's too short to be miserable all the time and I wish you a future of happiness instead of needless decades of torture.

My therapist interns with one of the best in the area, and is also trans, so she's been helpful. It's my plan to take care of stuff as fast as I can, finances permitting.

Quote from: Cindy on December 17, 2013, 02:22:56 AM
Well start with small things that make you feel more feminine. Shave your legs and under arms, buy nice underwear, treat yourself to nice soaps and stuff. Basically pamper yourself until you can move forward. If you can maybe get your ears pierced and wear ear rings. Make sure your nails look nice, polish your toe nails. All of this can be done without people noticing and will make you feel better.

Hugs Hon

Thank you Cindy.

Is there anything I can do, you know, mentally to try to get out of the depression cycle?

Well as a woman who lived on depression medication and whisky (not recommended) before I transitioned I was given a lot of advice. Not much helped but: Exercise, I told myself that one day I would be a beautiful woman (still trying ) but I could sculpture my body, make sure I was fit, didn't build up male muscle but was trim and taut.  I have stomach muscles of iron so I have a cute waist, strong shapely legs and a healthy body. So when I got onto HRT I could wear nice clothes, look pretty and feel good. Sexuality wise I'm straight, I want men to desire me so I deliberately went to make myself look as good as I could. Doesn't matter what your sexuality is BTW but attractive people tend to attract attractive partners more easily so I used that as a motivation.

Burning my soul in the gym helped my depression, music, books anything to distract me.

Practice your make up, all you need is a mirror and you. Practice your hair styles.

Write down a plan. What are you going to do? Who are you  going to be? With a plan you get goals, you can think how to get where you want to be. Be proactive, find out how to change your name, select a name if you haven't, keep a journal and write down your thoughts and ideas.

You will look back and say WoW! I have moved on! You will be shocked how you grow without realising it. Practice your voice. Observe women, how do they interact.

Every step helps the depression.

One day you to will throw the meds in the bin and toss the whisky bottle in the trash and think: how did I get here?

You will Hon