We learn what it means to be a girl or a guy by observing people throughout our lives. There are a lot of gender variations. We see those. We tend to empathize with either male or female and that's based on a generalized view. I tend to empathize with both, but lean towards female. We each form our views of the genders by interacting with them. People are very complex, so it's impossible to make a definitive statement, like men are 'strong'. Well it depends on the man. Some women are stronger than some men, etc. What does it mean to be a girl? Observe girls.

Quote from: Miyuki on October 22, 2013, 12:45:26 PM
At the very least, I've been gradually toning down the masculine personality at home since coming out, and doing so has made me feel a lot more relaxed and positive about life in general. That's certainly been a welcome change of pace.

This is an important part of it! Be yourself... it's the first time in your life you let yourself just be who you are That's how I feel every day when I'm alone or with my kids. When I'm at work it's usually the opposite.


For an answer to the question original... maybe this book will help? http://bookofjezebel.jezebel.com/book-of-jezebel-witty-unruly-evidence-of-a-serious-c-1449927104/@Jessica - it just came out. I've just started following Jezebel and it's a humourous, witty, friendly, and female place to be online. (Note... the book will probably not help but it looks interesting and I may have to look into a Kindle copy)

Quote from: DrZoey on October 22, 2013, 01:01:46 PM
How about being you. I've worked in the most macho of professions, in the worst conditions, and excelled, however, the desire to be female and have my nails done, followed by shopping in Beverly Hills was never far from my mind. Now that I'm in my 6th month of HRT I've never been happier, nor am I looking back at that life.

Just be you.

I'm working on it. A few days ago, I think I had some sort of identity crisis, where I realized I had been pretending to be someone else for so long I wasn't sure who I was anymore. I had to try and mentally unravel myself to figure out where the real begging and end were. What I realized was, in many respects, I'm not going to fit into the stereotypical image of a girl any better than I fit into the stereotypical image of a boy. I'm just different, and that's all there is to it. But, there's no rule that says I can't be different and look good while doing it.

Quote from: Miyuki on October 22, 2013, 01:41:48 PM
What I realized was, in many respects, I'm not going to fit into the stereotypical image of a girl any better than I fit into the stereotypical image of a boy. I'm just different, and that's all there is to it. But, there's no rule that says I can't be different and look good while doing it.

Indeed. Be yourself, whoever that is. Forget the typical stereo and go for surround sound instead. 360 degree immersion.

A lot of women do not fit into the stereotype. That's OK. Confidence goes with independence.

Quote from: Miyuki on October 19, 2013, 06:36:07 AM
Since coming out to my parents yesterday, I've been thinking a lot harder about the idea of fully transitioning, and what it would mean to me. But something keeps bugging me. What exactly does it mean to be a girl, and why do I even feel like I should be one to begin with?

If you're talking purely from a biological perspective, a girl is defined on a genetic level as a person with two X chromosomes, and no Y chromosome. Of course, we all know what a problematic definition that can be in practice. There are so many people out there who obviously present as female who don't meet this definition. And it's silly to make the whole thing about DNA to begin with, since actual exposure to and sensitivity to hormones is what determines how you develop.

But then how should you define a girl? This is where it gets complicated. You could say that a girl is someone who has long hair, or wears makeup, or dresses with flashy colors and styles, or wears skirts, or has a caring nurturing personality, or even has the ability to bear children. The list goes on. And yet, for any single thing you can name that identifies someone is a girl, you can name at least one girl that doesn't posses that feature. Furthermore, many of those features could apply to people who still identify as male.

So if I am saying that the identity of a girl fits me better than the identity of a boy does, what does that even mean? Does it mean I posses more feminine qualities than masculine ones? Do I just check the scales, see what side is heavier, and go with it? Does it mean that the things girls usually do come more naturally than the things boys do? Sometimes that's true, but not always. I enjoy things like cooking, but I also enjoy science and technology. For the most part I spend more time behind a computer screen that anything else. Socially, do I fit in better with girls? Most of the time I'm socially awkward no matter who it is I'm talking to. I often times find it more intimidating to talk to girls because I'm not used to it. But for girls I know well, it's much easier, and I tend to get along with them pretty well. But it's not like I can't get along talking to boys either. It really depends more on the person than the gender.

The only thing I can really say for sure is, when I look in the mirror and see a feminine face staring back, it makes me feel better. It makes me feel more confident, and it makes me feel like I'm being myself. So is that it? Is that all there is to it? Is the real reason for deciding you need to transition nothing more than being able to feel good about what you see when you look in the mirror? Is that a good reason? Is it the only reason? This has really been driving me nuts lately. It makes me feel like maybe the reason why I want to transition is just to satisfy my own sense of vanity. What do you think? Am I looking at this correctly, or am I missing something important?

when I see my self looking more feminine everyday I feel my life is turning around. I saw no hope for my self last year. I was tired of being alone didn't know why I was alone for so long. Went to therapy found out I was a transgender, I got on HRT and started seeing the woman I always have been look back at me in the mirror .I see a future for me now, I didn't see that a year ago. A female friend was walking toward me yesterday  we greeted each other and I felt good Knowing my face is starting to look as feminine as hers.

Sometimes it will hit you in the simplest ways, last night night I was on the couch watching tv as usual and I happened to look down to see long blonde hair draped over perky boobs in a comfortable low cut black cami top....just a lazy girl watching tv.

I wish I could go way back in time and tell younger me that someday things will be so much better

My idea of gender is very simple - who would you rather see when you look in the mirror?

Quote from: Michelle G on January 15, 2014, 11:05:44 AM
Sometimes it will hit you in the simplest ways, last night night I was on the couch watching tv as usual and I happened to look down to see long blonde hair draped over perky boobs in a comfortable low cut black cami top....just a lazy girl watching tv.

I wish I could go way back in time and tell younger me that someday things will be so much better

For me it was when I was curled up watching TV and looked down and realized I was starting to get "thunder thighs." It was actually a really good feeling, all things considered .

I first realized I was female, or, a girl when I was very young in many ways. One that comes to mind is how I was horrified by the term "handsome" being used by my adoptive parents with reference to how I looked. I didn't want to be "handsome," I wanted to be "pretty." Hair length was another issue. I couldn't stand to have my hair cut short. I cried and cried the few times my adoptive father won out over my adopted mothers whishes to let my hair be as long as I wanted it. My hairstyle was another issue. I'd style it like a girl vs. a boy with long hair ie: pony tails higher on the back of my head, parted down the middle or slightly to the side, braids, curls when I wanted them (I have straight black hair) Highlights -boy my adopted father hit the roof when I came home with those, lol, etc., and many many many other things like when people first met me and referred to me as "she." Being referred to as "she" always made me feel good inside until one of my adopted parents corrected them. I'd then run away and cry. However the most horrifying thing that I remember happened during my early teens when that first facial hair cropped up. Being Native American I didn't have as much as others of my age did but I was horrified by having any at all. These are only a few of many many many things I went through.

If I were given the opportunity to go back in time and have a conversation with my younger self, I'd tell myself you know your a girl so don't wait so long to begin making the outside match the inside to please others. Begin living as the young woman you are now. But alas, I wasted the best years of my life in misery only to keep my family happy. I'm glad I finally woke up and am now doing something about it.

What makes you a girl? You can't go by stereotypes. I still love my boat and love to go fishing. It gives me peace and time to myself but it doesn't make me any less of a woman, because I know with all that I am in my mind heart and soul I am a woman. I'm sure you do too it will just take you a little time to get over the fears your having. I have the wisdom of age behind me now, but at your age I was just as scared as you are. The only difference I can see is I knew I was a girl without any doubt whatsoever. My fear at that age was centered around how was I going to make my outside match my inside without dissappointing my family.