I accept it but I hate it all the time I feel like im a weirdo , im wrong , im broken , why me??
god must hate me , why wont he help me

I feel like im on the edge of despair tonight

Hang in there.  None of us likes being Trans, but we do what we can.  Survive.

*hugs*  It's not no bad!  You get to live your life now in a way you never thought possible.  You aren't a freak, you are a beautiful human being.

QuoteI accept it but I hate it all the time I feel like im a weirdo , im wrong , im broken , why me??
god must hate me , why wont he help me

I have thought and said those same things. I have said them to myself, my wife, one work friend and my therapist. I also said I wish I was never born (I said this to my Mom when I was very young).

With respect to god, I have no answers. I am taking a break from thinking of god.  I am a good person and perhaps that can suffice.

I think my feelings of being broken and a freak is because this is how society treats trans people. If you get help, do what you need to do to align and find a welcoming community then those feelings will lessen.

My key is taking action and valuing my identity. I never realized how important my identity is to me until this last week. I feel good in my identity and bad in my shell. I need to come out of my shell to feel truly free. 

Despair,  Hugs. I know the feeling.

Make a plan with lots of opportunity to show progress. 100 items to achieve. List them in an order and have at it. Rejoice  and celebrate a successful point made.

I've got pictures of myself wallowing in tears in torment and anguish over being trans (I took them because I thought they might come in handy at a future date if someone needed help understanding why I had to transition). I remember as a kid praying to God to deliver me from the thoughts in my head and impulses in my heart. It's a dark, scary, lonely place to be.

But it can get better.

I doubt you're a weirdo. You're unique, just like everybody else is relative to each other.
I doubt you're wrong. You're you. How can you be wrong when you're yourself? You're the only expert in the field of you.
Certainly not broken. I don't see how any of us are broken for being trans.
Why you? I'd venture to guess it's because you're strong. Probably stronger than you know now.

Quote from: Ms. OBrien CVT on December 25, 2013, 05:11:11 PM
Hang in there.  None of us likes being Trans, but we do what we can.  Survive.

Actually I've come to like it. Love it, thankful even. Through being trans and transition I've learned so many things I don't know if I would have learned otherwise. It has been a great healing process for me. I think it's made me a better person. So, there are paths to happiness and peace out there ukftminneed. All ya gotta do is find yours.

Hi UKFTM 


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Hugs

V M

I agree but what can you do?? You must play the hand life deals. Many have worse ordeals in their life than being trans. We were born this way.

I have found only two options:
1. Transition and maybe get to an end state where you can find happiness and love yourself.
2. Bury your feelings and be despondent and spiritless.

For years I understood my gender issue but couldn't accept it. I found a great therapist who helped me realize what was important to me. The first step was accepting myself and nobody else matters. If they don't like it it is their problem not mine.

I know that it is not an easy path, I have been fighting this for 44 years. But going into my 5th month of transition, I am so happy and free. If I knew this I would have started long ago. We are who we are, that is all.. nothing more, nothing less.

I would recommend finding a good gender therapist.

You are not weird or wrong.  God does not hate you.

I've embraced being transgender and have never been happier.

Accepting being trans is WAY better than the way things were.

It was by far my best option to transition.  The other options were to go crazy and die inside or just die.

I traded one untenable set of problems for a much more manageable set and finally found happiness in the process.

Quote from: Ms. OBrien CVT on December 25, 2013, 05:11:11 PM
Hang in there.  None of us likes being Trans, but we do what we can.  Survive.

I dunno, it can be kind of cool sometimes.

but, at any rate; OP, this is just our lot in life.  try to put it in perspective.....there are plenty of worse disabilities to be born with.....some kids are born without arms....

Or without eyes. Or paralyzed from the neck down. Or as a bug trapped in a jar by some five year old all your life. Or in North Korean death camps. *shiver*

Quote from: Ms. OBrien CVT on December 25, 2013, 05:11:11 PM
Hang in there.  None of us likes being Trans, but we do what we can.  Survive.

Hi ukftminneed ... You feel serious put-upon, and Ms. OBrien said that "none of us like being Trans" ... I'm not sure I agree.  I've been Trans or Andro for decades, had SRS 28 years ago, and I've been happy ever since.  I enjoy being different, and I think many of us do.  Self Acceptance, as one other post said is key.  Not only self acceptance, but self fulfillment, enjoying life and adapting to who you really are, then moving forward on that path.  Don't fight it ... Embrace it and enjoy it!  Roberto.

Well , I hate being a guy so being trans is the next best thing I can do , still I wish I didnt have too...
but I dont hate it its the only solution for me how can I hate that...

Quote from: FalsePrincess on December 26, 2013, 09:54:47 PM
Well , I hate being a guy so being trans is the next best thing I can do , still I wish I didnt have too...
but I dont hate it its the only solution for me how can I hate that...

I agree. I hated being a guy. Though sometimes this feels like a stop-gap or somewhere in between, I feel better here, rather than where I was. I'd rather be a synthesized woman if I couldn't be born a woman.

Being trans can be a hassle at times, but I think that being trans isn't that bad...it's really the opinions of others that make it so difficult. Just a few more cuts of a blade and the only reminder I'll have of it is sticking a needle in my thigh every week. Being trans has taught me a lot about life and I don't think I would be the same person I am today if I was a cis male.