Lol - well again thanks fellas (I just know there's a few Jay's on here, & not used to compliments!) And apologies to the OP..I'll let us get back on track!!

Interesting thread and makes me think.

But first Jay you look totally awesome, congratulations. Sort of Micheal Klim but better looking.

I decided when I was happy and accepted myself I would try and help others. I can't disappear, I can't go stealth, so I'll stand out. I don't consider myself trans, post-trans maybe but in reality I'm a normal happy woman. I use my post-trans status like a battering ram to help, particularly, transgender children and their families.

So I don't think about being trans, but I use it ruthlessly.

I'm not in the slightest ashamed. I'm proud of what I have accomplished and I will maintain as high a profile as I can to let men and women less fortunate than I to be accepted.

Sorry may have drifted off topic (as usual)

Look, im glad we can all agree Jay is a babe. 

I'd actually like to say thanks Cindy, its people like you who don't go stealth that makes it easier for the future in a way.   

I don't really focus on it. Of course I get reminded of it constantly throughout the day but I think that just is the reason why not. It's just a part of who I am and my every day life so I guess I've kinda gotten "numb" to being trans.

I feel like if you are early transition, it is more natural to think about it, and as your transition goes on you think about it less. That's my take anyway. I am "out" as trans, and active in the trans community here and also co-moderate a Trans men over 40 on FB, so that somewhat keeps my thoughts more trans-ish I suppose than they might.

One thing I think the level I am read as male helps me see myself as male, if I am always worried about being read correctly maybe I think more of being trans, if that makes sense.

--Jay

I used to be COMPLETELY obsessed, and now I'm not. Dysphoria is a daily occurrence, but I can still function quite nicely, for now.

Quote from: aleon515 on December 28, 2013, 12:37:58 PM
I feel like if you are early transition, it is more natural to think about it, and as your transition goes on you think about it less. That's my take anyway.

Maybe for some but funny enough I think about it more now than I did in the early days. Maybe that's due to having the resources available to do something about it. When I was young and pre everything I knew what I needed to accomplish but without any resources to do so it was useless to focus on it too much. I probably focused on the social aspects of it more before and now it's the medical.

Then again I do wonder after having top later next year if I'll focus on it at all. After that I'll be post everything except bottom surgery. I've resolved myself to the fact that I'm 32 now and want that done around the time I am 40 (want to buy a house and work on a family in the meantime) so I don't stress about it like I am with top surgery.

It is thought provoking questions such as this that keep me checking in here almost daily.  I have been on T almost 2 yrs now and had top surgery last July.  I feel like I just can't find a way to walk through life living as a man.  I feel like I never get away from my past.  I transitioned at the job I currently have, so everyone knows there.  All of my friends are friends that I had prior to transitioning so they all know, and then of course there is family.  Everyone at work is very good about using my male name and correct pronouns, my friends for the most part are very good too, family is working on it, but get it right most of the time.  Maybe because I spent 49 yrs as a female bodied person I am having a difficult time.  I pass 100% in public, I just can't seem to pass 100% of the time in my own mind.  I would love to think about it less, hopefully that will come.

Quote from: shean R on December 29, 2013, 11:59:44 AM
It is thought provoking questions such as this that keep me checking in here almost daily.  I have been on T almost 2 yrs now and had top surgery last July.  I feel like I just can't find a way to walk through life living as a man.  I feel like I never get away from my past.  I transitioned at the job I currently have, so everyone knows there.  All of my friends are friends that I had prior to transitioning so they all know, and then of course there is family.  Everyone at work is very good about using my male name and correct pronouns, my friends for the most part are very good too, family is working on it, but get it right most of the time.  Maybe because I spent 49 yrs as a female bodied person I am having a difficult time.  I pass 100% in public, I just can't seem to pass 100% of the time in my own mind.  I would love to think about it less, hopefully that will come.

Might be harder for us older guys as well as those of us who really didn't live most of their lives as guys. I certainly didn't, but I know (trans) guys who did. They thought of themselves and guys and so on. I never thought of myself as being much of anything-- was way androgynous. I also have lots of people around me who use the correct pronouns and never slip up and since top surgery I am getting read mostly as male. I think that in time (I've started forgetting about it for hours at a time LOL).

--Jay

Quote from: shean R on December 29, 2013, 11:59:44 AM
I feel like I just can't find a way to walk through life living as a man.  I feel like I never get away from my past.

I feel that way sometimes, if everyone were to be honest I think most of us have times where we either feel that now or felt that in the past. I don't think it has much to do with age either. I started living full time at 17. At 18 I spent four years moving around to different States with random women I had met online (not smart kids...don't do it) trying to constantly start over. I'd tell myself that things would be different if I could just get away from people who knew (or found out as I was pre everything). It just became a vicious cycle and it was making me paranoid about everyone around me finding out my 'secret'.

As I've gotten older and hopefully more wise I've come to terms with never being able to fully escape being trans. I'm becoming ok with that. I mean I can go years without people knowing but if they do it's not the end of the world anymore. I don't let their opinions of who they think I am or what I am about define me like it used to. A recent example would be my wife's cousin who has known me almost a decade now clocking me. She didn't come to me though. She spoke with her mom & dad about it (my wife's aunt & uncle). Then she text messaged my wife asking her if I was a transsexual. My wife will not out me, she never has so she let me know what was going on and left it up to me to respond. I ended up talking to her cousin and telling her. One thing I have found out over the years with this is it's better to be truthful and get it over with. If you lie people will pry if their curiosity gets the best of them. I told my wife's cousin and aunt the same thing, "Yes, I am transgender but it's just a small part of who I am. I just try to live my life the best way I know how so I am happy". I left it at that. They said they are fine with it. Time will tell but honestly...I don't care if they approve of me or not. This is my life to live.

What I am trying to get at is you really can not escape your past. Not unless you fully transition, move away from anyone you ever knew, and start over. Then there would still be issues with new people you met. It's not escaping it that is important. It's coming to terms with it that matters.

Quote from: shean R on December 29, 2013, 11:59:44 AM
I feel like I never get away from my past.  I transitioned at the job I currently have, so everyone knows there.  All of my friends are friends that I had prior to transitioning so they all know, and then of course there is family. 

Yikes. I went through a big purge and very much enjoyed it after it was all over with. Got a new mailbox, a new place, a new neighborhood, a new library, a new dentist...

People at one job know, but my transition was pretty seamless, and I have no problems there; it has been nearly five years. I am completely stealth at the other job. I'm just now starting to deal with my family. I still have close ties with a number of pre-transition friends, but nobody in my gay group knows about my past. I love that--just being a regular gay man is sheer heaven.

The old wisdom was that we needed to cut all previous ties. My experience with the gay group backs this up, but I'm not giving up my job and my other friends. And I very consciously decided to reconnect with my parents.

For me, I don't so much need to get away from my past; I need to make peace with it, reconcile with it in some way. I'm not exactly sure how to do that, but I came to the conclusion that coming out to my parents was an essential part of that. I don't even know why! So I'm stumbling around blind here. I often wonder if I am uneasy with my past because, deep down inside, I still think of trans as "less than." I have never thought of other trans people that way, but (deep down), I often think of myself that way.

Quote from: Arch on December 29, 2013, 04:23:35 PM
I often wonder if I am uneasy with my past because, deep down inside, I still think of trans as "less than." I have never thought of other trans people that way, but (deep down), I often think of myself that way.

YES, I understand that statement to a degree that can not be expressed through text! Validating the man I have become (and am still evolving into) to myself has been rougher than dealing with the judgment of others. What people have said about me (especially in the past) as far as being trans has been a lot less hurtful than the things I have said to myself about it.