Today that is exactly how I feel. I have accepted the fact that at some point in the near future I will start living openly as myself. I am becoming more aware of the wave of turmoil this will bring to my family and myself. I will most definitely lose both my jobs. My wife has assured me she willl never leave me but in the same breath said she didn't want to end up being one of those families on the Maury Povich show. That one hurt. I get so depressed some days that I don't want to take one more step. Sorry to get on here and whine. I just really dread the day of truth that is coming down the pike.

All to often transsexual women will tolerate pretending to be the person they know they are not. This will go on for a period of time till the bell goes off and they say something like "hell with this I am doing my own thing". Perhaps your bell is soon to go off.

One thing I should point out though is you seem to have a crystal ball that allows you to see the future. How are you so sure your going to loose your job? I think in reality your assuming something.

The point is its really not possible to foresee what is going to happen when you transition. Crap for all you know you might become far more productive than you ever were before.

Katie

PS the trans community is filled with people that are constantly on the defensive. They are constantly thinking how things are negative or that people are saying things to them that are negative. Crap there are even people that can draw assumptions out of plain text that are not even there. My challenge to anyone is to break out of the defensive and be offensive. Come to think of it that's exactly what captain Kirk did with the scenario that bears the threads title. He was offensive, proactive, and solved a problem instead of letting it make him a victim.

Thanks Katie you are correct I don't know what is going to happen. Thank you.

Just to be clear, the EEOC has ruled that gender identity discrimination is sexual discrimination and thus, if they fire you for transitioning, they're liable for a lawsuit. Contact the ACLU, the HRC, and the Transgender Law Center if you experience problems with it.

Good luck on the funtimes ahead. It's going to be a ride. Make sure that you're ready though because, like you said, once that cat is out of the bag, there's no putting it back in.

The thing is (IF) they terminated her it would be for any other excuse such as productivity or work force reduction. I try to look at it like this. If that did happen you might find something totally different that you would thrive in. It could be something you never considered or thought about. Change is scary, but living with the constant pressure of a lie is worse. I used FAR MORE energy being a fake person than anything else. I no longer have the constant fear of discovery, personal agony or watching how I do every little thing anymore. I feel free for the first time in my life. Everyone gets terrified when your life changes as drastically as ours. The thing is, you have all of us to vent to, ask for guidance from and relax with. That is what we are here for, support. Don't ever hold back and keep it in, just let it out and trust us to try to help. 

Heya

Ive been living as Zoe outside of work now for about 1 and a half months! and i know exactly how your feeling! I'm definitely at the stage where its becoming apparent that i'm gonna have to tell my Parents, and probably find another job! :/

There is no way i'm gonna be able to stay in my current job, even though it is illegal for any one to discriminate against me at work for being a transexual, i still feel that working in the construction industry whilst transitioning would be far to difficult . So i'm retraining and hoping i can get another job before the effect of hormones become to apparent! In all honesty, i don't really want to be in my current job anymore anyway, as i'm not trying to prove anything to myself anymore, i'm quite pleased i can finally retrain in something i want to do!

As for telling my family, i'm terrified! But i will say this . . . I think its often very easy to fear the worst when it comes to telling family! I'm so nervous that my family are going to take my news badly, but i just can't see them being so mean that they will do anything to hurt me! I just think because i've held my transgendered feelings in for so long, its such a huge thing for me and i ive constantly thought about every scenario that may happen! :/

I feel as though there is no way i can stop my feelings, and i'm definitely in the same boat as you! :/

Coming out to my friends though was the best thing i've ever done, i feel there acceptance of me has made my anxieties about telling my parents a lot less! As i know that my mates will be there for me no matter what!!!

Xx

Good luck to you. I came out to the world in February, and it has indeed been a roller coaster. If you have not already, I strongly encourage you to find a good gender therapist to help you plan on coming out, and then to support you after. If your finances are not in order, now is the time to start. As someone else said, once you throw it out in the wild, it cannot be taken back.

It is not easy. I lost my wife of 13 years after coming out, but have gained friends and support in the most unexpected of locations. It is bittersweet, and while I would give anything to have my wife back, I would not go back in the closet. Life goes on, and after the fallout settles, it can actually be pretty wonderful. I wish you strength in the time ahead!

Toni

Kelli, I do believe your solution lies in the name you chose for this thread. Yes, the Kobayashi Maru was an unwinnable battle scenario (in Star Trek, for those of you who don't know). But that didn't stop Kirk from trying to find a way to beat it...and he did! Now some say he "cheated" (ok, technically he did) but he still found a way to circumvent losing what he saw as a personal challenge. And, hey, so can you! 

Quote from: Ms Grace on December 30, 2013, 07:16:26 PM
Kelli, I do believe your solution lies in the name you chose for this thread. Yes, the Kobayashi Maru was an unwinnable battle scenario (in Star Trek, for those of you who don't know). But that didn't stop Kirk from trying to find a way to beat it...and he did! Now some say he "cheated" (ok, technically he did) but he still found a way to circumvent losing what he saw as a personal challenge. And, hey, so can you! 

wow, the things you learn on Susan's I was hoping some one would translate that into english

Kirk rigged the simulator to win. Anyway, EEOC only applies to companies with 15, or more employees. I think it's a difficult position to place your wife in. Transitioning is, for most, a solo voyage that takes you where no man has boldly gone before...

You're in a tough place and I feel for you. Many of us have been where you are now, but living a lie isn't living, at all. For both of you.

I know this might be difficult to understand but getting fired can be a very good thing in the long run.

Many of the women I know that went through transition and that also includes me were fired from jobs. At the time it is quite painful and but dam just like getting a divorce it is liberating.

Loosing your job for most of the people that I have known forces them to do what they have to do. No dragging heels, no excuses. Just do what you have to do is what that job loss did for them. It also opened the door to a better long term situation.

You see the people that transition on a job and then stay there are in most cases holding themselves back in their development. The reason is that they are always that trans person at the job. On the other hand getting fired and finding a new job provides them with a clean slate to be the woman they say they are. And oh what a feeling to start work and be the woman you say you are to everyone since they didn't know the person from before.

So yes it sucks to loose your job but looking back I am kind of glad I did. I kind of see it as a catalyst to a life as a woman instead of a life as that trans person.

Katie

I completely agree w/ Katie. I started full time the day after I got fired from my job. I probably would've never transitioned unless I stopped working there. It was rather difficult for me to find another job (but during this day and age, it's difficult to get a job for anybody - trans or not).

She's right though. You'll always be the transsexual at the job. Also, as great as some of my family is it's hard to be around them at times because I always have my past with them. Your coworkers are the same way because you end up spending about 1/3 of your life with them. Think about that...

I love my sisters on here!! This is one of the only places I can go where I don't feel like a freak. I am praying everyday the the Lord gives me the strength to walk this path before me, and not to fear. The future is a scary place, but with the help of my sisters here and the few friends I do have I pray 2014 is the year that Kelli becomes known! I love you all thank you for easing my anxiety. 

Quote from: kellizgirl on December 31, 2013, 08:13:38 AM
I love my sisters on here!! This is one of the only places I can go where I don't feel like a freak. I am praying everyday the the Lord gives me the strength to walk this path before me, and not to fear. The future is a scary place, but with the help of my sisters here and the few friends I do have I pray 2014 is the year that Kelli becomes known! I love you all thank you for easing my anxiety.

Aww, You should never feel like a freak! You are a beautiful woman, who was just born in the wrong body!

I used to believe that my transgendered thoughts were 'wrong' and that's why i kept them to myself! But with help from my Councillor, and my friends, ive begun to realise that i am who i am.

I think you need to be comfortable with yourself before you tell parents, as then you will have more confidence, and it may be easier for them to understand!!

Just remember; Everyone on here is always gonna be here for you honey!

I hope it goes well for you!

Zoe
xx

Quote from: Katie on December 31, 2013, 06:58:37 AM
I know this might be difficult to understand but getting fired can be a very good thing in the long run.

Many of the women I know that went through transition and that also includes me were fired from jobs. At the time it is quite painful and but dam just like getting a divorce it is liberating.

Loosing your job for most of the people that I have known forces them to do what they have to do. No dragging heels, no excuses. Just do what you have to do is what that job loss did for them. It also opened the door to a better long term situation.

You see the people that transition on a job and then stay there are in most cases holding themselves back in their development. The reason is that they are always that trans person at the job. On the other hand getting fired and finding a new job provides them with a clean slate to be the woman they say they are. And oh what a feeling to start work and be the woman you say you are to everyone since they didn't know the person from before.

So yes it sucks to loose your job but looking back I am kind of glad I did. I kind of see it as a catalyst to a life as a woman instead of a life as that trans person.

Katie

this happened to me, The only reason I realized I was transgender was because I lost my job, ended up in the psyche ward at the hospital and came clean to my therapist. Would of never of done it while working. I was on night crew and for some reason all the workers and management who work over night were without exception complete $$$$$$$$. They would of never of let it go.

I'll just add a little positive note here. I came out, completely full time, and nobody gave a damn. They switched pronouns, and went back about their business. One day I was Paul, the next Paula. Done deal. I realize that's the exception, I deal with a lot of artsy types.

I put a notice on the works board 'From Monday I will be R...'  and didn't have a minute's trouble.

Katie has an interesting point about getting fired and restarting.

In my own case, I do not expect to be fired, but I may try to move to other employment later, once I've become far more comfortable with myself in public as the woman within. Besides, there are places in the US better to live for a transwoman than southeast Texas.

Well I live in red neck and getto part of florida. Its seriously conservative. I would not have it any other way. I like where I live. On the other hand I am a woman. I am not a trans woman. I am just a woman. Hope you get what I am saying.

Oh, I do, Katie. I see myself as a woman. Trans was just the road I took to get here, a little out of the way of the normal highway for most other women. It's a statement of history, not who I am or will be.