Quote from: Lana P on January 09, 2014, 11:26:27 AMSince I started my transition over 10 years ago I have come across mostly by people who underwent genital surgery that one can not be the chosen gender if they do not have gender reassignment surgery, sex reassignment surgery whatever the hell you want to call it. And it is really pissing me off. And people who knock other people down for being happy with what they were born with or heck even use it for that matter.
Society has evolved and fitting into the stereotypical gender forms are not what everyone wants to do. So by shoving genital surgery down peoples throats I just don't think are cool. More often than not there are major complications. I have talked to so many M2F's who get genital surgery and they candy coat everything. And till coming to Susan's and reading how there are more complications and horror stories and some regretting what they did.
But yet the ones who got srs talk down to the ones who have no desire to get it done for whatever reason. I'm rather annoyed that even with in the trans community there is judgement. When there should be non of it. Lets discuss.
So much I want to respond to in this thread, but I'll start here.
Before I start I want to say I'm not judging or targeting anyone.
1. I respect that others choose to not have SRS. However, I cannot imagine not having it. From the start I knew what my path would be. Again, I'm not judging anyone else, I'm saying for ME it (SRS) was a must.
2. A couple people mentioned complications. My experience is people who are non-op tend to exaggerate these complications. Most people DO have comlpications, but they are mostly minor ones. I think people exaggerate complications to make themselves feel better for their own decision not to have SRS. You don't have to do that folks.
3. Some mentioned the results were unrealistic. Really? Do you have any idea of the variation in vulvar appearance in women? Most transsexual women who have had SRS look fine. Again, some seem to be trying to justify why they don't get SRS. You don't have to do that folks.
4. Some mentioned the dismissive attitude of non-trans people ("You're not female if you haven't had the op yet"). Screw these people; seriously. These folks are just messing with you; making it sound like they will be accepting after you do have SRS. NOPE! They simply come up with new excuses then. The only person you should have SRS for is yourself, period.
5. I understand some post-op people are arrogant and elitist about SRS, but in my experience they are a small minority.
6. Some non-op people are surgical phobes. This often comes out a concern over loss of sexual function. Well even if I knew going in there was no sensation after I still would have had SRS because that's what I needed for my physical dysphoria. The number of people who lose sensation is very, very small.
7. On a related front someone said they questioned if SRS was worth dying for. My answer? YES it was. Again, that's my answer and my experience and I realize that's not how others may feel.
8. Someone said people bragged about SRS as though it was their biggest achievement. I find that odd myself. To me it was just one piece of the overall project we call transition. I count many milestones as being very important to me.
Starting therapy and starting electro; both I did the same month I got a divorce, moved a thousand miles and started a new job.
Starting HRT. HRT changed my life. People think I exaggerate, but I never knew how unhappy I was until I started on estrogen. Overnight I went from being "the glass is half empty" kind of person to "the glass is half full" kind of person.
Next, my legal name change. It may sound silly, but it was one of the happiest days of my life.
Next, FFS in conjunction with full-time. The ghost in the mirror was gone and so was that old nightmare of a life.
Last, SRS which was the icing on the cake.
All these things (and more) were part of the process, the medical treatment, that made me whole. They made the life I have now possible. I am whole. At the same time I don't go bragging about SRS and can't understand why others do so OR use that as a basis to judge anyone else. The key is everyone must do what's best for them.
9. One last point. MONEY. I think in a perfect world, where money wasn't an obstacle, there would be a LOT more people having SRS. But we don't live in a perfect world and people cope the best way they can. Unfortunately a lot of people who claim to not want SRS really do. But for a number of reasons (money being #1, surgical fears, religious reasons, familial issues and more) they choose not to. That's fine, but these people shouldn't go badmouthing SRS as dangerous, unnecessary etc.
10. Okay I lied, one more point. Transition is a HIGHLY charged, intensely personal journey unlike any other. As a result many times we end up being our own worst enemies. We fight. We judge. We sometimes tear others down and they often do the same to us. It's important to remember that in that respect transition is quite similar to adolescence. Only unlike for non-trans people we often have to navigate this whole overwhelming phase of life alone. We most often don't have the benefit of parents and other family members to counsel us and moderate our behavior. The good news is that for most of us we grow through the process, mature and move on.
Be good to each other.
Do what you need to do for yourself.
Don't worry about what other trans people or non-trans people think.
Resist judging others; they are on their own unique path.
Be true to yourself, listen to your heart and you won't go wrong.
Sorry for the length.
