This is a superb forum and it has been an essential feature of my year in transition.  I have made friends and some of us have connected in real time.  It can also be a huge draw of time and involves sitting on my little ass.  I am right now thinking about getting outdoors for some real exercise and then heading out on a friday nite to meet with tangible people.  I greatly appreciate what is shared here and have learned a lot.  It is also important to feel we can give something back for those who follow us or never post a thing.

And yes it really is fun to hear about new ideas and the experiences of others.  Way entertaining and we can LMAO any time we want.  so much choice.....

Quote from: big head horsey-face on January 17, 2014, 02:59:41 PM
I've only been here a few months and it does seem that the membership can be somewhat fluid just as it is on most online forums. I wouldn't worry about it or let it affect your participation.

Yeah, I was going to say, it's pretty standard for all forums. People leave for a while, come back for a bit, etc. Tons of new members, followed by low amounts of posts...

I've said it before, will say it again... the great thing about Susan's is that, for the first time, I realised I wasn't alone in all this.

Sometimes I feel like I'm typing here for my own amusement, whether anyone reads my stuff or not though it's still a great way to get my thoughts and feelings down in a way that makes sense to me.

Quote from: Joanna Dark on January 17, 2014, 12:12:00 PM
I noticed lately that the MTF forum is frequented by people very early on in transition and usually not on HRT. There's nothing wrong with that so don't take it the wrong way. But I've been on HRT for almost a year and there used to be a lot of people here that were long time transitioners. I really identified with a lot of them. But they seem to have vanished. I especially miss Girl You Look Fierce and now Sarah7, who prolly left because of the thread on disclosure. She was one of the wisest posters and now she is gone because people who prolly never even dealt with a sexual situation while trans (pre or post-op) moralized and chided those that said you shouldn't have to tell.

I don't know I don't mind helping people out but lately I feel like a stranger here even though I've been a regular poster for a year. I'm thinking of taking a break or fiding a new forum. No offense to anyone but it just seems it changed and maybe it's time for me to move on from this forum or in general. I just don't need it like I did then. But I may change my mind. Just wondering has any other long time member noticed the MTF forum has changed and a lot of posters seem to have made ghosts of themselves. Not all just some. Maybe I'm hormonal lol

I've noticed this myself.  When I came here, there were many people that I found inspiring or those who were my age with similar circumstances.  Now it seems like all these people are gone and the site is different as a result.  In a way, it's understandable, but somewhat sad.  While I'll always love the site, it's no longer the family I once viewed it as nor is it a necessary component for my transition.   And in addition to the changes of the site, my circumstances have altered.  I'm out, my life is getting on track,I've begun my transition, and I know that I'll be able to pass. Even though I have much to go, the hardest parts (for me) have been tackled or are a work in progress.  The site will likely continue to help me as I have a lot more work to do and things to learn, but I no longer "need it" in order to find the strength or inspiration to move forward.   I'd imagine many members have had similar feelings and have parted for this reason, especially those that have already fully transitioned.  I don't know.  People grow and move on.  And the site itself has evolved into something else as a result.  I'll probably stick around for a while as the site still helps and I like to help others, but it feels weird to be among so many new members and very few old ones.  It's also awkward to have very few people my age group who I can identify with or relate to like there used to be.  In addition to all that, I have felt the need to be less active because there are things that have changed, and I feel that my impact on the site has unintentionally had more negative impact than positive ones.  I'm much more cautious because I don't want to get into arguments, upset anyone or be misunderstood.  In any case, how often can I say the same things and reply to similar posts that continuously pop up?   I'll always try to help, but I don't know.   

Quote from: Ms Grace on January 17, 2014, 06:44:14 PM
I've said it before, will say it again... the great thing about Susan's is that, for the first time, I realised I wasn't alone in all this.

Sometimes I feel like I'm typing here for my own amusement, whether anyone reads my stuff or not though it's still a great way to get my thoughts and feelings down in a way that makes sense to me.

I find it's a great relief to get things out with people who understand other than my therapist

Quote from: stephaniec on January 17, 2014, 06:50:41 PM
I find it's a great relief to get things out with people who understand other than my therapist

I also like to talk to the new transitioner  it's interesting to get that perspective. Of course it is a shock at first because this is the internet, you kind of forget.

Online communities are not permanent residences... not for most people. It is normal for people to come and go. It is also normal for people who have been long time members to long for days gone by.

"Get offa' my lawn!"

Here it is pretty simple, as I see it.

The people with the most questions are pre-transitioners.

The people with the most to say are giddy, new transitioners.

People who have been transitioning for a while or are post transition are the wisest about certain topics, but have also, already answered that question 49 times.

This is a a site dedicated to trans issues, and the prefix trans has a specific meaning... it suggests a process of going from one situation to another.

There are not a lot of trans role models, in part because a sussessful transition often culminates in resuming life... many of us just want to blend in to society rather than stand out, and once that is accomplished, thoughts of our pre-transition self have begun to fade in various ways. Our need to communicate with the trans community can diminish.


In short, the people with the most to offer, have the least need to offer it, so if they feel like people have ganged up on them, they get smited one too many times, or their friends have vanished, it makes it easier to leave the community.

Hey,

I'm still here!!!!  It's been 13 months.  And yes, I have been wondering where they went as well.  Girl you look fierce was wonderful.  I did not interact that much with Sarah7.  I miss some others who used to answer my questions.  I miss some of the family that was here before.  I wonder how they are doing.  Some left while they were in the midst of struggles and I am concerned.  If a person leaves because it's just time, that is one thing.  But if they left because they gave up, that is so very different.

So here I am, still on the site, trying to discuss things and offer assistance as I can, as I feel needed.  I'm also looking more at the FFS and SRS forums and less on the transgendered forum.  I think that is part of transition. 

On the other hand, I do like meeting younger brothers and sisters.

Hugs,

Jen

Susan's is the first site I encounter the day I started HRT. I haven't been to other sites I kind of feel comfy here

Quote from: Tori on January 17, 2014, 07:41:48 PM
Online communities are not permanent residences... not for most people. It is normal for people to come and go. It is also normal for people who have been long time members to long for days gone by.

"Get offa' my lawn!"

Here it is pretty simple, as I see it.

The people with the most questions are pre-transitioners.

The people with the most to say are giddy, new transitioners.

People who have been transitioning for a while or are post transition are the wisest about certain topics, but have also, already answered that question 49 times.

This is a a site dedicated to trans issues, and the prefix trans has a specific meaning... it suggests a process of going from one situation to another.

There are not a lot of trans role models, in part because a sussessful transition often culminates in resuming life... many of us just want to blend in to society rather than stand out, and once that is accomplished, thoughts of our pre-transition self have begun to fade in various ways. Our need to communicate with the trans community can diminish.


In short, the people with the most to offer, have the least need to offer it, so if they feel like people have ganged up on them, they get smited one too many times, or their friends have vanished, it makes it easier to leave the community.

This is pretty much it imo.

A lot of the threads going on right now I can't even relate to, so I don't even know how to respond let alone offer help.  It does make me feel alienated when people whom I did relate to get ganged up on by bullies with agendas and get driven away.    And now that these awesome people are gone, the instigators slink back into the shadows, which makes it feel like they won.  They always win though.  It is so much easier to create discord than harmony.

Quote from: Jen on January 17, 2014, 08:24:51 PM
This is pretty much it imo.

A lot of the threads going on right now I can't even relate to, so I don't even know how to respond let alone offer help.  It does make me feel alienated when people whom I did relate to get ganged up on by bullies with agendas and get driven away.    And now that these awesome people are gone, the instigators slink back into the shadows, which makes it feel like they won.  They always win though.  It is so much easier to create discord than harmony.

As long as a few of us remain, they will never win!

Quote from: Jen on January 17, 2014, 08:24:51 PM
This is pretty much it imo.

A lot of the threads going on right now I can't even relate to, so I don't even know how to respond let alone offer help.  It does make me feel alienated when people whom I did relate to get ganged up on by bullies with agendas and get driven away.    And now that these awesome people are gone, the instigators slink back into the shadows, which makes it feel like they won.  They always win though.  It is so much easier to create discord than harmony.

We were all, "They" once.

This place has a learning curve and it be quite inhospitable for new, big, opinionated personalities, which in turn can inspire them to lash out, causing large ripples of unntended negativity from newbie toward the veteran.

Supporting with terms of "Us/They", can make it particularly hard for, "Them" to know what to say.

We all play a role in the quality of this community's future.

If "Girl You Look Fierce" is who I'm 99% sure she is, then I know she left for personal reasons cuz she actually became a very good friend of mine and someone with whom I shared an immense amount in common,

This site can be helpful I think, but I also think support sites can be a trap. Over frequenting and over venting can be harmful. Aaall things in moderation. I will be honest I generally only come on when I have a question I cant get the answer to elsewhere or if like I want a judgment free pick me up. Otherwise I prefer to avoid circles like this, tbh.

I think Ms Grace & Tori answered the question well.  But, since I like to hear (or see) my own words, I will add a little.

As with any social setting, online or otherwise, people tend to become more selective about who they hang out with after a while.  Our interests and demands change over time. 

For me, any forum is just one part of what I do.  I signed up here almost a year ago, but only had 2 posts before a few weeks ago.  Then a few dozen quite quickly, followed by very little.  This is normal.

In the unlikely event that someone really wants to ask my opinion on a specific topic, I reckon they would be able to send me a PM.  That will show up in my email, which is checked several times each day.  There are many days (or weeks) when I don't load up this site into my browser, so I often miss specific questions posted in the forums (eg: the disclosure thread that was mentioned - sounds like I was lucky to miss it).

This site has been one of my primary sources of information over the past year as I have been struggling to come to terms with being trans.  I am very grateful for the many people who have posted here over the years, whether or not they still post here.  I have much respect for those whom I have observed posting responsibly for many years (eg: I have been seeing FA posting here for so long that I automatically read every word).  Funny thing is, for years before I admitted I might need to talk to someone about a possible gender issue, every time I went looking for pron, I seemed to end up here ... that probably should have given me a bit of a clue ...

Tessa

I know I'm one of those "Giddy" new just starting hrt posters/members, But I feel I've rather found a little home here where I can get advice from others who are more wiser than I. I'm a rather shy person. I live alone, and though I run my own business it's only part time. Before I found Susan's I had nowhere to express my concerns, to learn, and to grow with others who are going through the same issues as I. I however feel I'll be here for a very long time even long after my eventual SRS a couple of years down the road. Due to my being older, and that I felt I had to hold off transition for a long time I have years of misery and torment I've lived through. Maybe my experiences will one day pull that one person back from the ledge who knows. I've certainly been on that ledge many times myself. On web forums people will come and go. And some of us might take a little break or slow down with our responses due to everyday life getting in the way and taking up more precious hours of the day. There will be weeks when my posts will be light, and weeks where I'll post alot. All I can say is I'm so glad to have found this site and have met some of my new friends that I have here. You know who you are as you read this so I'll not mention names. Finally I'll close this post with, when I first joined I was going through a rather bad time with things, and those of you here with your posts pulled me out of it and I've stayed pretty upbeat since then. Some of you may not even know how you've helped me for for many it was just reading your posts about your experiences that made me feel so not alone. Therefore I thank you all, and look forward to many more years of meaningful conversations, laughs, and yes, a good cry now and then.

To be honest I have seen this several times, many moons ago when I was a naughty girl several people left and there was much discussion that the site was bleeding members and would never recover. It did, I did and this cycle will also disapear and be repeated in the future.

Many of us carry baggage, it hurts us, sometimes we just can't cope and interact badly. I know that so well. But there will always be new members, there will always be people who care, there will always be those who find the freedom and the excitement of realising that they are not alone overwhelming.

People offer advice that they think is good and solid and they receive negative comments, feel offended and withdraw.

There are others who grow from the same response.

What to do about it? Learn from our mistakes for we are all human. Forgive those who smite us, in every sense of the word. Reach out a hand in friendship, there are many hands that will grasp it in return.

Apologise to those we have hurt either deliberately or accidentally and realise that if we can't accept the problems that go with being transgender there is no way cisgender people ever can.

Quote from: jussmoi4nao on January 17, 2014, 09:17:01 PM
If "Girl You Look Fierce" is who I'm 99% sure she is, then I know she left for personal reasons cuz she actually became a very good friend of mine and someone with whom I shared an immense amount in common,

This site can be helpful I think, but I also think support sites can be a trap. Over frequenting and over venting can be harmful. Aaall things in moderation. I will be honest I generally only come on when I have a question I cant get the answer to elsewhere or if like I want a judgment free pick me up. Otherwise I prefer to avoid circles like this, tbh.

Hey!  I'm waiting on another lip-sync video!! 

Quote from: Cindy on January 18, 2014, 12:20:41 AM
To be honest I have seen this several times, many moons ago when I was a naughty girl several people left and there was much discussion that the site was bleeding members and would never recover. It did, I did and this cycle will also disapear and be repeated in the future.

Many of us carry baggage, it hurts us, sometimes we just can't cope and interact badly. I know that so well. But there will always be new members, there will always be people who care, there will always be those who find the freedom and the excitement of realising that they are not alone overwhelming.

People offer advice that they think is good and solid and they receive negative comments, feel offended and withdraw.

There are others who grow from the same response.

What to do about it? Learn from our mistakes for we are all human. Forgive those who smite us, in every sense of the word. Reach out a hand in friendship, there are many hands that will grasp it in return.

Apologise to those we have hurt either deliberately or accidentally and realise that if we can't accept the problems that go with being transgender there is no way cisgender people ever can.

Please Cindy...

Make a bad post so I can disagree with you.

Some of the most sincere posts I have ever made here were justifiably castracized or deleted because I broke unspoken rules. Nobody bans you for breaking them, but you may be smited/watched.

Why are they not written? Well the first two rules of... are...

I personally feel I don't relate much to newcomers And what ever I say I feel is largely ignored.  I'm a year into my transition living full time and expecting bottom surgery soon. I don't know many that are at a similar point as me here.

Quote from: Riley Skye on January 18, 2014, 12:52:01 AM
I personally feel I don't relate much to newcomers And what ever I say I feel is largely ignored.  I'm a year into my transition living full time and expecting bottom surgery soon. I don't know many that are at a similar point as me here.

Not a shock you do not relate.

Congrats on your surgery date BTW!

Let me ask you this: If everyone here, when you first joined, did not 'Relate' to you, would you still be here ?

We are a transient community. A community of well dressed hobos.

Kindly help the hop ons before you go.