Since I am a Christian I go to church every sunday and alot of the mothers their have babies, And sometimes this feeling of not nessicarily jealousy but more of a feeling of I should have had that. I mean I'm happy they don't have to deal with what I'm dealing with but, No matter how hard I try to not get down depressed it doesn't work. It hurts me to know that I can never be mommies little man, They even have bibs that say it, And I seen some of the male babies with them on, Not even just that but the fact that my mom dressed me as a girl when I was baby and in pink makes me mad. Or even getting told that there gonna be a handsome young fella or he's gonna be a heartbreaker when he gets older,  I feel I'm missing something that was taken away from me, Yea.... I somewhat get a teen boyhood because I have three male friends and we boys, And that's all they see me as but being a really young boy, I never got to experience that,  Or even growing into a man and my family saying he's grown into a handsome man without having to go through all this. Ill never here that, most guys do when they hit puberty as a bio male. I know ill never here that from my mother or any other family members. I love my mom, I am a mommas boy and knowing that she will never see me as her son is killing me on the inside. Theres know real way I can just quit thinking about any of this when Ive missed out on so much because of who I am and it sucks!!!! Sometimes I really just wanna end it, I don't even know what I'm here for anyways, I would have rather been just not born to be honest.... .

More of young men really. I also know a trans boy who is about 10, and I feel that would be a good state too. But I think that jealousy/envy are normal human feelings. If it were not being cis (I prefer this to biological, since well I am biological-- not being an android). But okay if it weren't that I might be envious of their money, status, looks, relationship, personality, etc etc.

And someone as young as you are, who has their whole life ahead of them, that could be a position that others might be envious of.

Let's just say, I acknowledge my feelings and move on. There isn't very much you can do about what you don't have. But I accept those feelings, because I don't think denying feelings works. Then I dont' spend a lot of time dwelling on it.

--Jay

I tend to think "this kid might be trans." I think about trans girls/women when I see babies and toddlers who are "boys."

I've done that too Nygel, but I have done as Brandon says and looked a boy child and wondered why I couldn't have been born as they are. I just choose not to dwell on it as it leads to a bad place.

QuoteI just choose not to dwell on it as it leads to a bad place.

This. Why dwell on something that can not be changed, no matter how much you think of it, or wonder about it, or cry about it. It is wasted energy. 

You live too much in the past. Start embracing the present and future.

Quote from: Mr.X on January 20, 2014, 01:43:40 PM
This. Why dwell on something that can not be changed, no matter how much you think of it, or wonder about it, or cry about it. It is wasted energy. 

You live too much in the past. Start embracing the present and future.

Yea it's not that easy. You act like you have never done it. You act I can just be happy knowing I'm stuck with what I have for know. Your always gonna have bad days that was one of them. Especially you don't know what I'm going through as far as support and such.

Quote from: Brandon on January 20, 2014, 02:00:18 PM

Yea it's not that easy. You act like you have never done it. You act I can just be happy knowing I'm stuck with what I have for know. Your always gonna have bad days that was one of them. Especially you don't know what I'm going through as far as support and such.

It's not that easy. But it is like a muscle. You have to work it. In time it becomes a LOT easier to let things go.

--Jay

I think it's a normal feeling to have. I get it with my younger brother sometimes, he's a handsome young man and sometimes it hurts that he can be that without all the things I'll have to go through. I deal with it by accepting I feel this (because feelings aren't wrong and I think it's understandable we feel this way sometimes) and
trying to move on from them. It isn't always easy to move on though and that's okay too I suppose after all I'm not superman I'm human. It does take practice. I try to look at the thing I'm changing or can change in the future but I understand that you might feel you can't change things right now. I also try to be thankfull for the things I do have and that helps sometimes.

Quote from: Brandon on January 19, 2014, 10:30:09 PM
Since I am a Christian I go to church every sunday and alot of the mothers their have babies, And sometimes this feeling of not nessicarily jealousy but more of a feeling of I should have had that. I mean I'm happy they don't have to deal with what I'm dealing with but, No matter how hard I try to not get down depressed it doesn't work. It hurts me to know that I can never be mommies little man, They even have bibs that say it, And I seen some of the male babies with them on, Not even just that but the fact that my mom dressed me as a girl when I was baby and in pink makes me mad. Or even getting told that there gonna be a handsome young fella or he's gonna be a heartbreaker when he gets older,  I feel I'm missing something that was taken away from me, Yea.... I somewhat get a teen boyhood because I have three male friends and we boys, And that's all they see me as but being a really young boy, I never got to experience that,  Or even growing into a man and my family saying he's grown into a handsome man without having to go through all this. Ill never here that, most guys do when they hit puberty as a bio male. I know ill never here that from my mother or any other family members. I love my mom, I am a mommas boy and knowing that she will never see me as her son is killing me on the inside. Theres know real way I can just quit thinking about any of this when Ive missed out on so much because of who I am and it sucks!!!! Sometimes I really just wanna end it, I don't even know what I'm here for anyways, I would have rather been just not born to be honest.... .

Yup, I feel this way all the time.  I get envious because many of those baby boys will get to have the life I've always wanted.  They will get to experience the joys and pleasures of having a natal penis while I will not.  I would even go as far as to say that I never really had a childhood because of being trans.  I was just a child growing up.   If I can be honest too, I really wish that I was never born and I am deeply upset with my mother and father bringing me into this world.

Anyways, I can't change the fact that I'll never be able to have the experience of growing up as a little boy so I don't focus on it too much.  I have too many other problems to deal with.

Quote from: Brandon on January 20, 2014, 02:00:18 PM

Yea it's not that easy. You act like you have never done it. You act I can just be happy knowing I'm stuck with what I have for know. Your always gonna have bad days that was one of them. Especially you don't know what I'm going through as far as support and such.

I don't think he's acting like that at all.  Just stating that it's pointless to dwell on it.  I'm sure most of us know how hard it is to learn to let go and not dwell on certain things.  Even those who have worked on not dwelling on things that can't be changed have bad days.

Quote from: wheat thins are delicious on January 20, 2014, 04:16:12 PM
I don't think he's acting like that at all.  Just stating that it's pointless to dwell on it.  I'm sure most of us know how hard it is to learn to let go and not dwell on certain things.  Even those who have worked on not dwelling on things that can't be changed have bad days.

Maybe it's how he worded it?

I'm envious of little kids, not babies, they don't know what's going on. To me I might as well be envious of a male dog than a baby. But where does that get me? No where except further down into the pit of dysphoria.

Change the things that can be changed, and learn to live with what can't be. It's not easy, but there's no other way to actually live your life, not just exist, but live. Dwelling on what could, or should, have been does nothing but cause harm.

There's a quote that I'm always reminded of when seeing young boys, "It's never too late to have a happy childhood." Yeah, not all of my childhood and upbringing was perfect, or right for me, but it's not too late to experience those things. With your own children, having a laugh with friends, or by watching other kids growing up. I had more of a childhood watching two kids briefly over less than 9 months than I did in my own life. That sounds creepy, but seeing the interaction between them and their father filled me with hope for when I was in his position, and the gaps I'd missed in my own life.

Guys I just asked a question, I already know its not good to dwell on things

I went through a period of envy, rage and depression related to the childhood that I didn't get to have. I know that my life would have been dramatically different if I had been born male and grown up as a boy.

That being said, I am learning to be ok with who I am becoming. I am not jealous of babies who were born male, or even little kids or teens these days. Years have given me a bit of perspective. Nowadays, I focus on what I can do to make my life better for me. I have a laser focus on beginning my transition and getting top surgery within the next 3 years. That's what keeps me going these days.

Once I am right with myself, I can work getting right with the world. I hope to find someone special to build a life with. I'd love to have a family of my own someday. Those things also give me a spark of hope to keep going.

Sometimes. I wish I could of lived my young childhood as a boy.. who I really was. But there's nothing I can do about it, and nothing good comes out of being envious or angry at someone because they have what you didn't have.

No, because what if they grow up and realize they are in the wrong body like me? I do wish the option to trade bodies or have my soul transported into a male body but I know it cant be done. I never look at it that way because it is not cis-people's faults nor is it anyone elses "fault" it is just something that happened and that I have to deal with.

Again I already know its not good to dwell on things you can' have. I don't thinl you guys are getting it

You guys are telling me stuff that I know already, But you guys act like these feelings don't exist, And I meant as a younger guy who's pre opt not when your already on T but before

Not at all. I've grown to just fine with my body. It's what I have to work with, and I am not getting another chance so I'm gonna enjoy life as much as I can. I work with toddlers every day, including potty training and diaper duty and it's never crossed my mind. They are just kids.

The only 'envy' I have for little kids is their energy. Seriously, if we could find a way to bottle that unbridled energy, joy and wonder kids have, the world would be an awesome place. I would get so much done everyday.

IMO, it's a wasted emotion because you don't know that kid or the life they'll have. They could have body dysphoria of their own in the future. They could even be trans themselves. I better understand a jealousy of adult males (though still find it a waste to dwell) than I do children because those children haven't lived yet and to be jealous of them is extremely premature. The way I see it, what if a transwoman was jealous of me as a baby? That's just a wasted emotion for them because I didn't want what I had and their jealousy was a waste because I effectively squandered the apparent "gift" I had of being born female. 

I'm of the belief in life that you gotta change what you want changed and not dwell on what can't.  To dwell on what can't be changed is to rob time and energy from what can be.