Let me introduce myself with some background: I consider myself to be intelligent (Yale, Duke, U. of Virginia), affectionate, romantic, honest, humorous, sentimental, open-minded, and loyal. I am a good listener who puts a premium on open communication, and can hold my own in a stimulating conversation. I would hope that others who know me well would describe me similarly, but after all we humans are very good at deluding ourselves about how we really are. (Hopefully our real true friends will set us straight and keep us honest about ourselves.) I am told that I am kind, extremely considerate, and I have a very good sense of humor. I am a Ph.D. research engineer and have worked in government research labs (2 patents so far and many scientific publications), as well as an engineering professor before that. I am a very "cuddle", affectionate type person and it would be wonderful to eventually meet someone for a long term relationship here if that happens, but for now I will just see how things develop, make friends, and learn from you here as well. In that regard, I think that friendship, trust, communication, affection, kindness, loyalty, and honesty are the foundations of any long term relationship anyway. Multiple past betrayals have emphasized to me how painful a committed relationship can be in their absence, but I have moved on (separated from a GG) and I am looking forward now. I am originally from VA, but I have lived (USA) in NC, WA, MS, CA, CT, and currently MD. I have visited Mexico, Austria, and Hungary. At any rate I hope that I can become a positive asset to this site in your eyes.

Why am I here? I became frustrated with my search for GG on sites for that purpose: older women wanting younger men, younger women thinking I am too old, those wanting sugardaddys or having hidden agendas, lying, insincerity, dropped correspondences, etc. I tried to open my mind up and began looking at TS/TG profiles (on sites that did not emphasize just sex). I have to admit the idea came to me from some of the positive examples of (beautiful) TS/TG women I have seen in the media (visual gets the male attention initially I have to admit, right or wrong, but personality keeps it). I strive to be honest and open. In particular, as I looked at profiles on sites, TS/TG women seemed to be so sweet, sincere, loving, take pride in their femininity, and (yes, again, I am a straight male) gorgeous. They also seem to be very cautious from having been treated very badly in the past, which put an albatross around my neck in trying to convince them of my sincerity. Please help me to gain your trust and respect eventually, in time. At any rate, I had decided to educate myself more and had concluded that there was no reason to exclude a whole class of women just because their genitals did not match their internal nature. I am NOT looking for a fetish, fantasy, etc. as I am totally STRAIGHT, NOT bi, NOT bi-curious, NOT ts curious, and I will NEVER be bottom. For THOSE reasons, physically my ideal would be post-op and passable (NOT for what OTHERS think), BUT I am totally open to other TS women as well, transitioning is OK for example. I am NOT afraid to be in public with you if you behave like a lady (as I am sure you would). Oh, and I am NOT interested in your "member" if you have one. I hope I have not been offensive. I am new to this and still learning, so educate me.

Finally, I realize that this site is not here just for meeting each other, so I view this as a learning experience and if I can contribute in some way then feel free to ask me. Correct me or educate me if I go astray Some of the posts I have read already are very enlightening. It is so nice to meet all of you wonderful women.

sincerely,

Dan

Hi Dan, and welcome to Susans! We have people come to visit us from all over the world, expressing different points of view, and you are likely to find someone to help you along your way Here are some important links and things to ponder as you begin your journey here.

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar/post links and photos)
  
• Age and the Forum
  
• Reputation rules
  

One place we are not is a dating site in anyway or means. We are a support site for people with gender dysphoria and their SO.

With that in mind please feel free to join us.

Cindy

Hi Cindy,

Thank you so much for your feedback. I feel I have much to learn and I thought that I could learn here and maybe I could even contribute in some positive way. I would never want to be anything other than supportive to all who are here. If any of those here ever want the feedback of a straight male for example, if that could ever be helpful to anyone at any time, then I would be glad to be such help. If I could be supportive in any other way I would be glad to do so as well. I hope that my intro post was in no way offensive to you or anyone here, as it was posted with the utmost respect intended. I will always try to be sensitive to others feelings here. In fact, it is that very sensitivity I hope to develop to a greater degree in myself by being here. Such sensitivity is something I would hope that this site, and others, could help to cultivate in our society in general, and the best way for this to happen is if those who are not TS/TG themselves can learn of the things that TS/TG women face in their journey, and their feelings about it.

If my presence here would be considered intrusive, I would not want that and would willingly leave. Just let me know.

sincerely yours,
Dan

Hi Dan and welcome to Susan's.

When I first started reading your post, I was not so sure of your reasons for being here. After finishing it and thinking a sec, I understand and hope you find us as friendly as you seem to be. Allies are always welcome. I don't necessarily mean the activist kind, but just accepting and by doing so pass on that acceptance.

Hi Dan. Welcome to the forum.

I didn't find your post offensive or anything. I think it'd be nice to have a little more diversity here as I am more used to more mainstream forums where there is a bigger mix of people that is more in line with the diversity you would find out somewhere that wasn't particularly suited to one group. I'm a little curious as to how you will be received by some here, but that's just how I am, I like to watch how people react to things.

Anyway, welcome and I hope you stay awhile.

Hi LordKAT and Big Head Horsey-Face,

Thank you both for your kind and thoughtful replies. I found the women here to be friendly even before I joined LordKAT, and I will go so far as to say I wish our society in general were as sweet, caring, supportive, and friendly as the community here at this site seem to be.

I am not an acitivist in general, but society changes by winning over the average person. The average person is probably oblivious to TG/TS issues and may even have stereotyped views in that regard. If more of those who are not going through the struggles that those on this site face were to experience it indirectly, such as by reading posts here, then we can indeed gradually change society. We can each only be self reflective, so as to change ourselves from within, if we can see the pain of others in their struggle due to our inaction or our outright persecution. The civil rights movement comes to mind. This is one reason why you may want some diversity here. On the other hand, this must be a protected environment for those who are in pain or struggling here. It is, after all, supposed to be a safe haven for them. I can understand that for sure.

By the way Big Head Horsey-Face, how in the WORLD did you come up with that user names? LOL. It certainly cannot be referring to you (you are pretty if I may say so without being too forward). Not trying to pry if it is a long story.

best regards,
Dan

Dan

Quote from: str8softhearted4ltr on January 27, 2014, 03:48:06 AM


By the way Big Head Horsey-Face, how in the WORLD did you come up with that user names? LOL. It certainly cannot be referring to you (you are pretty if I may say so without being too forward). Not trying to pry if it is a long story.

Some people have in the past posted stuff about late transitioners having bigger than average heads for women and longer faces, so I'm kind of mocking it. Plus I think the name just flows well and makes people wonder. And lastly, I've had long term insecurity issues and still don't think much of myself overall and so I tend to use names to help myself get past that. It may not make much sense to a sane person, but it does to me, lol.

And for all anyone here knows, the avatar may not even be me. 

Quote from: big head horsey-face on January 27, 2014, 04:51:33 PM
...
And for all anyone here knows, the avatar may not even be me.

"Well", remarked Ellie, her tongue firmly lodged in her cheek, "my avater, that's what I reeeely look like (in my dreams)"
Dan, welcome to Susan's. You will find this site visited by a lot of very open minded people, a wide range of ideas expressed and no shortage of intellectual stimulation. I know you will gain insight into our journeys, you will grow here.

Well Big Head Horsey-Face, that is a cute story and makes sense, but kind of sad. I hope that I can encourage women here not to feel that way about themselves, especially you. I like you already so no reason to feel insecure at least when talking to me.

Regarding your avatar:

1) If it is really you, then you are very nice looking

2) If it is not really you, then you are nice looking on the inside (as best I can tell so far), and for me that always makes me see someone as better looking physically as well, once I do see them (or if I see them)...besides, imagination (not knowing) can really make someone intriguing! By the way, I really appreciate you having reached out to me by your messages to make me feel welcome.


If this comes across as flirting a little, I confess there is that component to it, but I hope it is not construed the wrong way.....the testosterone made me do it .....my attempt at humor.


P.S. How do you attach quotes from other people's messages on here? tags? what are tags for?

That was cute Ellie, made me smile....Dreams come true!! I bet you are more attractive than you might think. 

I think when I am able to post an Avatar that I will simply post a real pic of myself...people here do not seem to judge, as best as I can tell

Thank you for making me feel welcome as well. From what I can tell so far, including reading other threads, I have no doubt as to what you said regarding open mindedness, intellectual stimulation, etc.

I forgot to thank you as well, LordKAT, for making me feel welcome.

Quote from: str8softhearted4ltr on January 27, 2014, 07:29:00 PM

Well Big Head Horsey-Face, that is a cute story and makes sense, but kind of sad. I hope that I can encourage women here not to feel that way about themselves, especially you. I like you already so no reason to feel insecure at least when talking to me.

Regarding your avatar:

1) If it is really you, then you are very nice looking

2) If it is not really you, then you are nice looking on the inside (as best I can tell so far), and for me that always makes me see someone as better looking physically as well, once I do see them (or if I see them)...besides, imagination (not knowing) can really make someone intriguing! By the way, I really appreciate you having reached out to me by your messages to make me feel welcome.


If this comes across as flirting a little, I confess there is that component to it, but I hope it is not construed the wrong way.....the testosterone made me do it .....my attempt at humor.


P.S. How do you attach quotes from other people's messages on here? tags? what are tags for?

Well, it actually is me in the pic, albeit a flattering one compared to others I've taken, so thank you for the compliments.

And to quote, you can use the quote link that is at the top right of people's posts to reply to specific posts with that person being quoted.

Edit: By the way, my name is Jaime. 

Quote from: big head horsey-face on January 27, 2014, 07:58:37 PM
Well, it actually is me in the pic, albeit a flattering one compared to others I've taken, so thank you for the compliments.

And to quote, you can use the quote link that is at the top right of people's posts to reply to specific posts with that person being quoted.

Edit: By the way, my name is Jaime. 

You are quite welcome Jaime, it is very nice to meet you. The compliments were sincere. You could turn some heads walking by, so do not feel insecure at least in that regard. I look forward to more conversations.

Thank you for helping me better figure out forum posting. I have usually just read and absorbed in the past.

A big warm welcome to you Dan! I for one am so glad to see that "Learning" was one of the reasons you joined us. I personally welcome anyone who is open minded enough to find out about a topic before deciding it's right or wrongness. There is so much media negativity concerning the "T" part of GLBT that it is nice to have someone learning instead of perpetrating false information. I believe with your "A" list education experience we will learn as much from you as you do from us. Here is a BIG HUG ( ) to welcome you to our family!

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on January 27, 2014, 09:03:28 PM
A big warm welcome to you Dan! I for one am so glad to see that "Learning" was one of the reasons you joined us. I personally welcome anyone who is open minded enough to find out about a topic before deciding it's right or wrongness. There is so much media negativity concerning the "T" part of GLBT that it is nice to have someone learning instead of perpetrating false information. I believe with your "A" list education experience we will learn as much from you as you do from us. Here is a BIG HUG ( ) to welcome you to our family!

Hi Jessica,

It is so nice to meet you and I thank you for your warm welcome. I loved the hug, so sweet of you! I do not think that the general public realizes what a warm, intelligent, caring, compassionate, humorous, etc. group of people this community is. (One reason I find myself so attracted to all of you, nerds included.) If they could only read some of the threads here and put aside any preconceived notions they may have gotten from the media, they would realize that these are REAL women (or men if you are transitioning the other way) who want to experience love and friendship, just like all of us. It is just nature played a cruel trick on them with the wrong genitals and hormones, so they feel the need and compulsion to take a journey for society to accept them for who they are. My heart goes out to all of you. I think you work harder at being feminine than many GG women in my opinion. They take it for granted. If I can be of any use to anyone here regarding advice, "A" list education experience included, just ask. I realize that I could never "know how you feel", so I will try to refrain from ever saying that.

This might be a good time to divulge that I have my own issues I am dealing with, but not ones that are relevant to this site. I had been in a 30+ year marriage (with 4 daughters, two out of the nest - one married and one engaged, and twins in college now, expensive), that ended after many years of emotional abuse from her and after finally discovering 10+ years of cheating history (with multiple guys), complete with x-rated pictures she sent to them (found hidden copies she kept, taken in a strange house), stockroom sex encounters where she worked, email histories discovered, etc. I was also cruelly made fun of behind my back on forums she was on, where she stated the she was "married but available". VERY painful discoveries. It sent me into a deep depression that affected my health and ability to concentrate on my scientific and engineering research. I am on meds for the depression, which never went away even after I gradually got over the betrayal and am trying to move on with my life. My life centered on my family, and outside of work I loved being with my daughters and still do (when they visit). I really miss them. When they were little we used to hide under the covers and pretend that monsters were coming to get us, and I would put each on my head and ask the others if they liked my new hat, hearing the giggles. I did not hang our after work but went home to be with my family. It was a hard loss to swallow. I thought I should let you know that I have experienced deep pain, just not the same pain that those of you here have experienced regarding your transition.

with warm regards,
Dan

So sorry to hear that Dan,

So many of us both men and women and and all the colours between have been abused that we can sympathise totally.

It is also why we are a little careful and withdrawn with people who may not understand us. It is often said that the only people who understand what it is to be transgender is another transgender. But it is also true that all of us who have been abused understand what other abused people suffer.

Hugs

Cindy

Quote from: Cindy on January 28, 2014, 01:01:29 AM
So sorry to hear that Dan,

So many of us both men and women and and all the colours between have been abused that we can sympathise totally.

It is also why we are a little careful and withdrawn with people who may not understand us. It is often said that the only people who understand what it is to be transgender is another transgender. But it is also true that all of us who have been abused understand what other abused people suffer.

Hugs

Cindy

Thank you so much Cindy, it is sweet and kind for you to say so.

I can understand the caution that many transgenders have considering their experiences in our society and the abuse and insincerity they have encountered. I hate to hurt anyone's feelings, and I cannot understand those who are not bothered by doing so to others, or even like doing so. Being alone now, I can also relate to the loneliness that many TS/TG women experience (with many men being close minded about them or only curious) as well as the abuse they have likely experienced. My personal exerience on a TS dating site (year or so ago?, a serious site, NOT sexually oriented) was that it was hard to get a TS woman to set aside her understandable skepticism and trust that I was genuinely interested in HER (not her genitals, etc.). I felt that maybe I needed to understand the TS woman better than I did at the time. Now that I am more sensitized (than I was years ago), I have noticed slurs against the TG community in our society, even by GG WOMEN, which surprised me. In fact, I think that the general population is not even aware of the difference between gay, TS, TV, CD, drag queen or king, etc. and tend to lump them all together in a stereotypical way. I have encountered this first hand numerous times and had to explain that there is a clear difference between them and what those differences were. A not uncommon reaction of those I explained this to was "why do you know so much about it and why are you interested in that anyway - are you gay or bi?". This included my ex!...well ex-to-be actually since we are still separated (lawyers are so expensive, especially with two in college). She even warned me that "many on those internet dating sites are actually women posing as men, so do not be naive and watch out", laughing at the prospect of me being "fooled" as I started looking/dating again. You probably do not want to know what else she said beyond that. Personally for me, the TS community of women are worth knowing both as a group and individually - as a friend and/or as a potential wife/longterm-partner. This does not make me gay, just the opposite in fact. They are women after all. (Preaching to the choir here, sorry, getting verbose.)

By the way, I have discovered that apparently the term cisgendered male may be preferred to "straight". Is this true? If so, my use of the term straight in describing myself was not meant to offend. It is the only term I had ever known to describe myself gender-wise.

Hugs back to you,
Dan

Well as far as sexuality is concerned it has nothing to do with gender. Both cismales and ciswomen can be straight, bi, homosexual or asexual. So are transgender.

I'm a straight female, I'm attracted to straight men. I have Gay male friends who I love but I'm not sexually attracted to them, nor they to me, after all I'm female. I have a close friend who is also a transgender female who is a lesbian, she is attracted to women. Gender has nothing to do with sexuality.

There are Gay cis men and lesbian cis women, it means nothing, they are perfectly normal humans. So am I, I was born with a birth defect; the wrong genitals, some people are born with a cleft lip, others with other 'defects'  a gammy leg, whatever! They are all normal human beings.

Some people have different skin colour to me, they have different religions to me, I don't have any religion - we are all human. It makes no difference.

I'm nothing special. I'm just another woman, like half the population of the world.

Thank you for the education Cindy. I will be sure to clearly distinguish between sexuality and gender from now on as two distinct attributes that are not correlated necessarily at all. Based upon what you have said, I am a straight male and never had any doubts about it.

Please do not think that I ever considered you as anything other than a normal human being. If I ever gave you or anyone here that impression then I profusely apologize. I agree with you about the birth defect, and I thought my earlier posts made that clear, your genitals being the defect in this case.

Not only do I consider you and the other TG individuals here to be just as normal as I am (although my ex might dispute my "normalcy"), but as proof I have to confess to having to deliberately supress expressing my attraction to, and desire to flirt with (tastefully), straight women here (who happen to be TS as you said). I do not want anyone here to question my stated intentions of trying to learn more while here, make friends, and help where I can, however. I can tell this is a loving, supportive environment.

Not a problem Dan.

For many this is the only place they have ever been loved; they are family here.

And we protect them.