Hello to all you nice people.I am a 58 year old Transgender woman .I realised I was different from a very early age but like most people did nothing about it but feel wrong .I am married and my wife is aware of my crossdressing but that is all.I am now at that stage that I can no longer deny the Girl that I realy am inside.I started on hormones about 2 months ago .I have started with the breast tenderness and most suprisingly I find that My beard has started to slow down growth to almost nothing ,that is a very good thing i think LOL.When I do come out I am at least Lucky with My job as there have been a couple of other girls that have transitioned at work and the company where very supportive .The hardest thing is when I have to tell the Wife that I need to Transition that will be so hard.Do any other Girls have any tips on how to break the news to my SO without realy upsetting the applecart.I find having nobody to talk to about the whole transgender thing so hard .I sometimes think I am going mad with all this locked up inside me .I would love to see a counciller but can I do so at least innitialy without my SO knowing ? .At least untill I have the courage to raise the subject with her.

Yours Truly

Anita XXX

Hi Anita 

Welcome to Susan's    Glad to have you here, join on in the fun

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Hugs

V M

Welcome Anita

thank you both for my welcome's it is nice to find a place with like minded people that I can relate to and that can relate to Me back

Hi Anita ,

A big Aussie welcome to Susan's family. It's good of you to drop in and say "Hi". Hope you like it here, and you stay for a while.

There is a mountain of information, resources and friendship waiting for you here, you just need to jump in start talking and ask any question you like. You're quite safe here and we are very accepting.

Quote from: anita.brown on January 28, 2014, 04:41:54 AM
Do any other Girls have any tips on how to break the news to my SO without realy upsetting the applecart.

Regrettably Anita, there is no easy way of doing this. A lot depends on what she may have already guessed. You can't take hormones without someone, particularly your SO without knowing there is something different. Honest and respect are the best ways to deal with this.

She doesn't have to know you're seeing a therapist, so get to see one and discuss with them the best way to approach it.

Your SO needs to know this is a birth defect. It's a well researched medical issue and essentially no one is to blame. You'll still have to deal with the fall out over your relationship, as I assume she wasn't knowledgable of your condition prior to her making a lifetime decision with you.

Looking forward to hearing more of your story in time to come, but in the meantime, be safe, well and happy.

Lotsa huggs
Catherine

Hi Catherine

i did tell her about my crossdressing before we got married .And she said its ok as long as she does not see Me dressed .She allows me times to dress and if she is going to be home earlier she rings Me to warn me .The first thing she did say about my dressing was did I want to be a Woman but at the Time I did not feel I would ever be ready to Transition so I said no .But since then I can no longer deny what I feel inside .

Hugs

Anita B

Hi Anita,

That being said, the collateral damage may be mitigated to a degree, since she has been aware of it and asked the obvious question. At least she has had time to adjust to what may have been perceived the inevitable.

It's probably down to a support/no support matter. Worse case scenario will be permanent separation. If you are prepared to deal with that, there's no issue.

From what you mentioned in your first post, I suspect a bit of fear on your behalf in fully explaining the reverse of your initial answer; no. Just remember fear is False Evidence Appearing Real. If you can talk to your therapist about your fears, I think will defuse the situation considerably.

Keep in touch and let us know how you're coping.

Huggs
Catherine

Hi Anita.
After reading Catherine's post, I can't really add much. My "reveal" was not exactly stellar, although it's been a year and we are still together.
Honesty goes a long way to healing the inexorable rift, but credibility is still a problem. I lived in denial (and secrecy) for decades before my bell went off. So. Did I mislead my wife or did I mislead myself? It's really moot. Either way she still probably feels a degree of betrayal. Catherine nailed it with "...talk to your therapist about your fears, I think will defuse the situation considerably."

My 5¢ (I would have said 2¢, but we don't have pennies in Canada anymore)

Hi Anita,

Welcome. I am brand new here myself, and I certainly do not have the insight that those already advising you here have, so their advice is best. I am a straight male with 4 grown daughters who is trying to learn more about TS MTF women. I am already separated myself. My main question is whether you have grown children? You are my age and so you are old enough to have grown children. I am very close to my daughters and so if I had such a serious issue to deal with I would probably broach the issue with the most mature of them privately and ask her what she thinks I should say to the rest of the family. Children love you unconditionally, and I believe in my case at least that there is nothing I could reveal to them which would alienate them from me (barring serial killer, etc.). That is just me, and it might not be the best thing for you to try. I do not mean by this that children should be involved in the dynamics of such an issue at all, but their insight, loving both parents, may be valuable, taken as advice to contemplate. If those on this site believe that this is a bad idea based on their own experience, then I would defer to them. At any rate I truly hope all works out as best as is possible for you and your spouse.

Sincerely,
Dan

A big warm welcome to the family Anita! I have two kids (15 and 16) and things do get really complicated especially at their ages. It is because they are trying to find their niche in the grand scheme of things and appearances are everything right now.  My 16 year old daughter basically banished me to the pit of hell while my son is uncomfortable, but a little more open minded. I do make certain concessions for them by shopping where we don't usually and not rubbing anything in their faces or forcing anything on them they cannot handle. I am Full Time and so things are harder, but we are making it fairly well and neither child is getting picked on in school. I have to make these concessions out of concern for their futures as well as mine. Both kids are in high school (9th and 10th grade) and my daughter already has 14 letters from colleges that want her to apply in medical school based on her academic success and the fact she has already taken medical aptitude test's and wants to be a pediatric neurosurgeon. My son has a couple of offers for tech type scholarships. I do not want my choices to affect their academic successes.  As for your situation you better hurry and come clean to your spouse. Two months of HRT will be six or seven in no time and you will not be able to hide anything. Coming out and accepting the fallout is something we have all had to do. It is not the most pleasant thing in the world, but people will surprise you at times. Do yourself a huge favor and tell your loved ones soon, it will be a huge load off of your mind no matter how it turns out. Here is a BIG HUG ( ) for the courage to do what you need to and to welcome you once again to this family!