Quote from: Akira21 ♡♡♡ on December 28, 2013, 05:14:53 AM
The op is having a perfectly natural response to the situation. It is very very possible to be jealous of ur kids,  but that's not a problem.  It's perfectly reasonable to love someone and really really wish you had been as lucky as they were.

I agree with this. Many parents are jealous of their children for various reasons. Some parents get jealous because their children were born with the gender they wanted, some get jealous because their children have better opportunities in life, and the list goes on.

The jealousy isn't the problem, you just have to learn how to either let it go or manage it because it's something that everyone experiences. The problem is that the OP seems to be having relationship problems as it is without even adding a child into the midst of it yet. I know many parents have children accidentally but those kind of "accidents" don't happen very often with couples where one person is transgender so either the OP didn't mention that he would be uncomfortable with a child that isn't biologically his or he did but his girlfriend didn't listen and decided to have a child anyway. Either of those is a senseless recipe for disaster.

Quote from: Ethedon on December 25, 2013, 10:44:13 PM
Now I'm supposed to be the strong one suck it up except it smile and be happy.She really didn't help my issues or dysphoria at all. She's half the reason I can't connect. But we're supposed to be a happy family!! FML

Does that sound like a good environment to bring a newborn child into?

If you're going to be raising the child and contributing to his future both emotionally and financially then you have every right to tell your girlfriend that you aren't comfortable with her having a child that isn't biologically yours. Now that she's expecting though it's way too late to broach that subject so you can do one of two things; walk away from the child and your already strained relationship or prepare to sort out your relationship problems so you can stick with your girlfriend and raise a child with her.

It's a difficult decision to make. The latter might seem like the best thing to do but if you're the type of person who may unknowingly take out your relationship problems and your jealousy on the child then it may actually be better to walk away. I'm not saying you are that type of person but you have to take a long, hard look at yourself and your girlfriend and decide what you want in life then decide if you're willing to sacrifice much of what you want for a girlfriend you may never see eye to eye with and a child she brought into the world. There are too many parents who fail to do this as it is and they bring children into the world "accidentally" or when they're unprepared which is why dysfunctional families and children with behavioral problems have become the norm in today's society.

You also have to be ready for the possibility that you may never quite view your son as yours since he isn't biologically related to you but if you do decide to be his father figure and if you raise him well then he'll view you as his which, sometimes, is the only thing that matters.

I get what your saying, cause I feel like that too sometimes but I want a son over a daughter...I want to be able to experience with him all the ->-bleeped-<- I never got to do...my gf has three kids that are not mine from her ex, her ex has nothing to do with the kids lives, the kids grew attached to me and call me dad and want me to adopt them, they actually hate their biological dad, yeah I def talked to my girl and we decided we want one more kid and will use my eggs while she carries it. The "bio" father would just be a sperm donor, but I'm dad and my girl is mom, thats all that matters, besides if this is your first kid, you can always have another using your eggs instead, so you both get a biological kid. I never had a dad in my life, so bein a dad with a fatherless past, its def new to me but I wouldn't trade it for the world. Hope this helps.

I've always thought it was sad when parents hope for a certain gender when they are expecting. It is something that is uncontrollable. And you all should know more than others that it doesn't matter what they are born with... they may not even identify that way. I always liked the idea of letting a child grow up free and make its own choices with parental guidance. Children never turn out like parents expect. I know I was a disappointment, not at all what my parents expected of me. They still love me and such, but I'm not what they want me to be because I am my own person.

I think it is a good thing that you can recognize this fault, op, and you should really discuss this with a therapist. Feelings like this are not good for anyone- you, your gf, or your baby. I hope you are able to work it out.

Thanks YBtheoutlaw and NathanielM for the kind words. Lol I never said I would blame an innocent child I never said I would make his life hell. These are my feelings and I will not apologize for how I feel. My gf and I both wanted a child and after she left me out of all the decision making she did this on her own. Because she felt it was her body. And wanted things her way. Maybe I should have specified on that. But yet I'm the selfish one lol.  I clearly state I'm ready to be a father to him. Guess that part was over looked. My issues are my issues as any trans person has but I will never make them his nor have I took it out on him. Despite my feelings I've still been there for the both of them from day one. How I view things pertain to me not other people. So if I feel like ME having GID is like a handicap that's how I feel. Not to say everyone else feels that way. I'll probably be envious of all bio guys until I die but I don't hate bio guys for it. I appreciate the words for people on here that actually have children. Sometimes in life things are easily said than done. We all are humans and we have feelings. We can't turn them off like a switch so who has the right to tell another individual they can't feel a certain way about things. It's how you handle them. Because if that's the case how would you feel if people told you you're crazy for feeling like you're a transgendered or whatever? I came on here to vent to find encouraging words from people I thought May have gone through something similar. Is that wrong? I could have done something worst like
physically hurt somebody like some guys do to relieve stress and anger or worst. I talk to my gf about this but it doesn't matter anymore. It takes a strong ass individual to go through this and still be there and still try to connect when a lot of the issues are out of your hands. So the next time you read a post and wanna bash someone about their feelings think about what that person could be doing instead of taking the time out to vent online about it.

Quote from: muffinpants on February 02, 2014, 12:51:51 PM
I've always thought it was sad when parents hope for a certain gender when they are expecting. It is something that is uncontrollable. And you all should know more than others that it doesn't matter what they are born with... they may not even identify that way. I always liked the idea of letting a child grow up free and make its own choices with parental guidance. Children never turn out like parents expect. I know I was a disappointment, not at all what my parents expected of me. They still love me and such, but I'm not what they want me to be because I am my own person.

I think it is a good thing that you can recognize this fault, op, and you should really discuss this with a therapist. Feelings like this are not good for anyone- you, your gf, or your baby. I hope you are able to work it out.

I'm trying my hardest to find a connection but it's hard when you're left out the whole planning process. The most important thing when starting a family is that you have a strong foundation and love. In which I don't believe I have. I am not perfect but I am trying. Thanks for the words.

It's sad, but this is all too common in relationships It sounds like she is trying very hard to have the baby be her own, and not something yall share together... have you let her know that you feel this way? If you have and she is indifferent... it sounds like an unhealthy relationship. Honestly, if it was me, I would feel no responsibility for the situation if she did everything without me... I would definitely leave her. Someone that is that selfish and does not talk to you about major life decisions and include you in this does not deserve to be your life partner!

Quote from: muffinpants on February 02, 2014, 03:15:53 PM
It's sad, but this is all too common in relationships It sounds like she is trying very hard to have the baby be her own, and not something yall share together... have you let her know that you feel this way? If you have and she is indifferent... it sounds like an unhealthy relationship. Honestly, if it was me, I would feel no responsibility for the situation if she did everything without me... I would definitely leave her. Someone that is that selfish and does not talk to you about major life decisions and include you in this does not deserve to be your life partner!

Yes I've told her before the baby was conceived how I felt and she still decided to go through with it. No compromise at all. So now I have to figure out what's best for me at this point. This isn't healthy.

Okay, so don't know if anyone else has said this yet, but what if its a male but not a boy? You're expecting it to be some tough little guy, but what if he doesn't want to play football, or fish, or be in Boy Scouts? What if he's gay, or effeminate, or even transgender? You can't go assuming these things.