I agree.

I was on my way and got started on hrt at 19 and stopped. It took me till 29 to get serious. I think a lot of things play a part in delaying transition. For me life got in the way. Just working and moving out on my own and just growing up. Also, money was another major factor. Sometimes you doubt yourself and weither or not you can do this. But I always knew I wanted to transition I was just afraid of the unknown. I wish I had more courage and just believed in myself when I was younger.

Quote from: Sir Wafflinton on January 13, 2014, 11:33:36 PM
Have you considered low dose testosterone, Darkflame? I found T to be massively stabilizing (probably wouldn't look that way from someone looking in at me now but I am so much less of a train wreck now than I was before) not just from relieving dysphoria but just chemically my emotions are much more "normal." I know lots of people are worried about it being destabilizing but out of all the guys I've met IRL I have only ever seen positive or neutral emotional changes.

Your whole situation sounds nasty though with me a large chunk of my problems stemmed from my dysphoria which I know know I am on a certain and finite path to fixing. Ah, lives are such complicated things. There is always hope though, I have heard of many people who's families are pretty much forced to use a male name and pronouns because people will think they are crazy if they "she" a stocky dude with a thick bushy beard etc.

I am probably going to just bite the bullet and try to get on T and actually start moving forward again. I'll be moving out on my own again soon and most likely to a larger city with more supports in place for trans people. Low dose might be a viable option, I know there are some people who are just better emotionally having the hormone in their system, and it's worth figuring out if that's the case for me.

With family, they probably won't take me seriously until I'm on T. I can't say for sure even then, but hopefully. I have been pretty lucky in that I usually pass when I go out, or at least pretty often. If I'm with my dad, sometimes he'll try to stay neutral and avoid saying anything gendered at all, sometimes he just doesn't notice and keeps on with female pronouns. But every once and a while he will apologize, like he just remembered that it's a thing that really bothers me. I can't really tell with a lot of my family, they've kind of been all over the place with this. They mostly just don't like change  It really is something I have to do for myself though, and I'll have to live with it even if they still call me a girl when I have a full on beard 

Just wanted to say a short thing - I am SO sad that in the US and elsewhere transsexuality is not considered a medical issue enough to be insurance covered. This is really horrible in my opinion. It is a condition that is life threatening, it is not a lifestyle, not a choice, not an option. The earlier it is treated the better the chances of a succesful healing. To ask of young people who are usually not having money to pay themselves for a cure to such a condition is cruel. I hope the USA and the other countries who handle it that way will manage one day to recognize this and create better conditions. They would not let young people pay themselves for fixing a life threatening heart condition, would they?
I wonder - is there some support network in the USA that helps young transitioners who have no financial support to at least get into therapy, name change, HT and maybe orchie, if not GRS? Like providing easier access to loans for this maybe? I know the support group I was with actually rented a house back in the last century, 1990ies and 1980ies. It was there so people who would loose job and home due to transitioning would have a place to live and get their lives together again. They have given it up now as conditions have improved and people usually are able to keep a job and home while transitioning, but I find the general idea of such a strong support network really good. Its not done just by talking sessions and discussion rounds. Oh and they also organized someone to visit at hospital stays for GRS if people had no other friends or family anymore, so they would not be alone and unable to get to the store or get fresh clothes after the 9 hour plus surgeries.

I'm definitely going to agree that delaying transition is probably almost always going to lead to regret. I'm another one that has regrets.

I've known that I was experiencing intense trans thoughts since I was at least 15. But being the pigheaded teenager that I was, I let myself constantly be convinced "no one would understand," and so I bottled it up. I had a chance to transition at 17 when my mom discovered my diary under my bed while she was cleaning one day, read it, and was shocked to read all of the horrible entries about how much I hated my gender in it. She confronted me about it, on the very same day that we were going to my therapist's office. (She sent me there, because she knew that something was wrong... she knew that I was struggling in school, didn't have as many friends as I used to, and seemed depressed, withdrawn, and angry all the time.) I had a chance to admit it then. But I made the decision to not admit it. I explained the journal entries away as just being a sexual fetish.

You know what that decision cost me? Another TEN years of feeling like complete s***. I barely passed high school. I failed out of my first college, and was within one semester of failing out of my second one. Even when I finally started getting it together, I became terribly withdrawn. I had no friends anymore. I'd completely forgotten how to talk to people and relate to them at the most basic of levels. My mind was still constantly at war with my body, at war with my sex-drive, and life was basically just a constant unending battle to perform the simplest of tasks that most people were able to do without even thinking about them.

While I don't think my HRT results would have been that much better, I missed out on pretty much my entire young life. High school and college is usually the best time of a young person's life, when they're still young and wild and free, and living it up. I'll never have that experience, because due to not confronting my trans desires, I wasted my entire early-adulthood buried in a mire self-hatred that made it impossible for me to function both socially and professionally on the most basic of levels.

A big Hug, Carrie
Its really weird, right, the "censorhip in the head" that we have sooo early. Even if asked, we will deny out of fear. I also did not tell my childhood psych a thing. That was at age 9. Its so imprinted in us that "one does not say something like this", its such a big Taboo that it even is in our minds as children...
And then we bottle up, feel like we dont belong to anyone and miss out on so much...
On the other hand I am glad that at least many are finding their way still early. My regrets would have been probably larger if I had only done so at 40 or 60...so I should not complain. OTOH, with late transitioners their bonus is that they may have had kids, something I will never have...

(Anjaq : Because the US does not have a federal healthcare system - this is a debate I'm not trying to start! - coverage actually varies by state and by insurance company [and employer]. There are now five states that DO mandate that any insurance company selling a policy within their borders must cover all transgender care, no exceptions or excuses. I've been trying to spread the word in case other trans people want to consider living in one of those states!)

Well so personal and individual.

In my case, no, no regret. But I was born in the 1950's. I transitioned when it made sense for me. Lots of good things happened in my old life, it wasnt all bad and miserable. I am much happier and more stable now and basically have no regrets.

For someone who is very young, in this time, its generally best to change young. Not to delay. Mostly when you read why young people delay it is for reasons of money, or school, or parents. Practical things. I dream of a world where those things cease being obstacles. But if you are one of the fortunate few with a supportive wealthy family and live in an accepting community and strongly feel the need then delay will be regret. Sadly, only the mose privileged have those things.

Quote from: Jenna Marie on January 15, 2014, 10:18:20 AM
(Anjaq : Because the US does not have a federal healthcare system - this is a debate I'm not trying to start! - coverage actually varies by state and by insurance company [and employer]. There are now five states that DO mandate that any insurance company selling a policy within their borders must cover all transgender care, no exceptions or excuses. I've been trying to spread the word in case other trans people want to consider living in one of those states!)

Could you name or reference the states that do cover this? I'm sure many people would like to know.

Is the wiki of this page still active? It would be possibly a good information to put up there. I noticed the surgeon list is outdated though.

Quote from: Natallie553 on January 16, 2014, 09:18:26 AM
Could you name or reference the states that do cover this? I'm sure many people would like to know.

Vermont, Colorado, California, Oregon, Washington, and also the District of Columbia if I remember correctly.

QuoteYou know what that decision cost me? Another TEN years of feeling like complete s***. I barely passed high school. I failed out of my first college, and was within one semester of failing out of my second one. Even when I finally started getting it together, I became terribly withdrawn. I had no friends anymore. I'd completely forgotten how to talk to people and relate to them at the most basic of levels. My mind was still constantly at war with my body, at war with my sex-drive, and life was basically just a constant unending battle to perform the simplest of tasks that most people were able to do without even thinking about them.

While I don't think my HRT results would have been that much better, I missed out on pretty much my entire young life. High school and college is usually the best time of a young person's life, when they're still young and wild and free, and living it up. I'll never have that experience, because due to not confronting my trans desires, I wasted my entire early-adulthood buried in a mire self-hatred that made it impossible for me to function both socially and professionally on the most basic of levels.

I was going to write something to this effect. I have put of transitioning for several years, for several reasons. Most of which have been covered here (finances, family, friends, education) and a couple that haven't (health, faith).

If I had it to do all over again, I wouldn't have given two ->-bleeped-<-s what my old therapist and my church had to say about my transitioning. I would have gone for it when I was 23-24, and in a position to do something with my life. Instead, I let 4 years pass before I was willing to even admit that I was trans again. It was closet-thirty, more or less. I've spent 4 years being absolutely miserable and depressed. I had to walk away from God to find myself again and that was the most difficult part so far.

That being said, I know that I will have to walk away from my family when I transition. I don't have much of a relationship with any of them these days, except my mother. Do I have it in me to walk away and be my own man? That's the question that keeps me waiting.

I feel cheated out of my 20s, basically. If I had transitioned at 22, I probably would have been able to maintain a social life. I like to think that if I had transitioned in college, I'd have started a real career in my early 20s instead of drifting through life. Who knows? I can only go on from where I am now.

ThePhoenix's list is correct, except that CT has just joined the group.  (Well, and this article says it's only DC, not the state of Washington *and* Washington DC, but that's an easy mistake to make - I had to check again myself to be sure.)

http://www.courant.com/news/politics/hc-gender-identity-connecticut-1227-20131226,0,1545137.story

Quote from: Natallie553 on January 13, 2014, 10:25:48 AM
I think we all agree that we should of all started many years before the time we actually did.     Personally I wish I had the courage to transition back in early high school when male puberty started to hit me the hardest. Sadly however I attended a small school where everyone knows everyone and sense that would of made me a outcast at school. I would of also had to become a outcast in my own family. I didn't want to be thrown to the side as garage as some would say. Either way I knew for a fact that even if I did come out back then. It would of resulted in nothing because my parents would have not supported it and I would of been truly living against myself.   So I ended up believing that maybe I'm just stuck as the male I am and nothing will change that.... If only I knew the benefits to changing back then vs now.  Well atleast there is still time...

Don't worry about it babe, your still young and looking good! I regret not transitioning in Highschool as well but hey what can we do right? Ill be 22 in about a week btw, I took my first hormones in my late teens but still wish I would have spoken up and stood up for myself when I was even younger! I would have had a much more fullfilling childhood and adolescence. No reason not be a 20 year old bombshell though

I have to agree about the regret.  At 60 I still haven't transitioned, though I am very recently back on hrt.  I was all set for transition in the mid 90's, but just couldn't bring myself to leave my wife like that.  Felt guilty about bringing her into a marriage knowing that I'm transgendered.  I have set up so many hurdles to force myself to be a man.  The fact is I am a woman and nothing I do to force myself to be otherwise can change this.  Over the last several years I have continued to complicate my life, but now, I'm trying to find a way out through all these barriers I've put in place.  I had the opportunities, but let either my fears of not knowing how I'd live as a woman, or my guilt regarding my marriage, overwhelm me.  I'm unhappy, essentially hate my life, and think I should just walk out the front door and disappear.  Anyway, even at 60 I still feel the need to transition.  I'd really like to be happy and content with who I am.

I have mixed feelings on the delay - regret thing.

Yes, knowing what I know now, 8 year old me totally should've tightly wrapped a rubber band around his balls, waited until he couldn't stand the pain, and then told his mom what he did so she could take him to the hospital and have them properly removed. Drastic, sure. But, it would've preempted all of the reasons that caused me to delay until I was 32.

And, I do regret the delay, immensely, and for many many reasons.

However. I also must look at it from the perspective that all of my lifes experiences to date have led me to where I am at this moment. The good ones. The bad ones. All have defined me and helped me grow as a person. And, I LIKE who I am as a person. I just don't like the manly shell I occupy.

Quote from: anjaq on January 15, 2014, 03:33:36 AM

I wonder - is there some support network in the USA that helps young transitioners who have no financial support to at least get into therapy, name change, HT and maybe orchie, if not GRS?

Some cities have LGBT centers that help with some of this.  For example, in Philadelphia there is the Mazonni Center (the one who put on the Philly Trans-Health conference in June annually).  You can get free endo appts there and get cheap hormones.  I don't know if they have a system for free hormones, but I don't think so.  You can get psychotherapy there so I am assuming if you can get appts with the endo for free, you can get free therapy there, as well.  They work from the informed consent model for hormones.  In terms of loans for surgeries, you are looking at Care credit or private loans pretty much here in the U.S.

Quote from: Arch on January 12, 2014, 06:40:31 PM
I would like to point out that just because you have regrets about delaying transitioning, that doesn't mean that you made the wrong decision. Some of us hold off because we simply aren't ready for one reason or another.

Yes.

Delaying transition or remaining non-transitioned are both valid options. Some people delay or choose to not transition for family, work, education, personal issues with their identity, medical reasons and the list goes on.

I delayed transition because even though I knew, I wasn't ready emotionally. The fact that one comment put me back in closet for four years is enough proof of that. Being trans is a part of our lives, obviously, but it isn't the only thing in our lives. Its easy to say "I should have done XYZ" but it's impossible to know that xyz would have affected your life. Personally, I have held off commenting because the topic was triggering until I thought about it.

While I don't regret transitioning, I am very VERY glad I delayed it. I have lost nothing and gained everything. To everyone who may read this and has any reservations, don't worry. It's not a race. Take it at your own pace. It doesn't make you less of a man/woman/human. Do whatever you feel is right for you.

Yeah... just going to add that I'm having a SERIOUS "why didn't I do this earlier?" freakout.

Because right now it's looking like HRT isn't going to fix my half-bald spot. If I had started hormones earlier in life, I wouldn't have had this problem at all. But now I'm feeling like I'm never going to get what I want, just because I was too much of an idiot to recognize how unhappy I was and do something about it.

I delayed, I do regret it, but the magnitude of my delay is less than it would at first seem. Four years ago when I first came to this place I was already pretty sure that I wanted full transition, even if the idea was to "take it as far as I felt comfortable".

These days, after 4 years I am on hormones, but still not full time. I have independence but not the employment I want. It might seem like I have delayed since I started on here but I really haven't.

What I did was redefine what pursuing transitsion meant. A job would lead to stability which would lead to independence which would lead to courage which would lead to the ability to physically transition. So everything I have done has been for this, I have made more progress in 4 years than the previous 24, even if it doesn't look like a straight line.

If I would have ignored everything and went directly for what I wanted, outcomes would likely not have been as good as they have been. I have had to build up the courage and self acceptance I have over a long period of time. Without those easy baby steps my confidence would likely have suffered a few irreparable setbacks by now.

Really what I regret the most is the time I thought I could fix myself through denial.

This thread has helped me alot! I'm 22 years old and living in the San Francisco Bay Area. I really want to transition, but work/schooling is becoming an inconvenience for a smooth sailing. This transition process is like the foundation of my life and the other stuff in life just goes on top of it. If I do the top parts first, then the whole thing, my life, will be wobbly. So, I'm going to put off getting a college degree in order to go through the transition process smoothly and also so I can live the rest of my life being who I really want to be. If I wait any longer, it will be harder for me to get a transition because there's going to be more responsibilities that's going to pile up on me. Even though some may say that I should finish my college and get a good job first, I think in my situation, it is best that I get the transition now.

Regarding where I am at right now in my transition process, I just went to a big trans organization at the heart of San Francisco. They have the resources, referrals, contacts, and healthcare to guide me along the way. Right now, I'm just feeling fidgety and impatient having to play the waiting game