Many graphic words typed in the beginning, so I apologize for any offense. These are direct quotes as to what I was told.

Two days ago my mother walked up to me and yelled in my face that she spoke for the family about how I'm a freak of nature, I'm satins child, the family doesn't support me and never will, how I shame my family and the world, and how could I ever support myself as a freak,  how I need to leave town now and go to a city to have my ass bent over for the ->-bleeped-<-git I am to the world!  This was right before I went to bed for the day and I nearly cried myself to sleep and I could hardly contain myself at work the following day. I felt as though my family didn't want to understand and had abandoned me because of it.

I truly spent two days having wave after wave of unstable emotions and there were a few times where I could not hold it in. I felt as though all steps I took to help my family understand just did the opposite and the worse case has just happened. That my own family has truly left me simply because I'm different then what some text or words have said I should be.

well this morning she walked up and tried to start small talk with me and I couldn't even look at her. I stared at the floor as I sat in the middle of the couch in the living room and said you need to sit here right now, sit here right now...

So long story short. We hugged each other as she said she was sorry for what she did. I only promised to forgive her on one condition... If she never would say such hurtful things to me again... As we both started to cry I told her what she said had brought back all my depression and thoughts of suicide when I was younger. I never told her before that I once held a shotgun to my head in my father's room when I was younger because I couldn't be the girl I felt I was on the inside and the only reason I didn't pull the trigger back then was because I didn't want to hurt my loving family by seeing me dead. I decided back then I would wait and maybe my thoughts would go away. They never did and its only become worse and worse as time goes on and I cant stand it any more with this never ending thought. Soon as she said those hurtful things to me. I started to question myself as to why I waited instead of simply ending it back then. We then held each other and cried a few more times.

I'm still tearing up as I type this. She told me she never wanted to hurt me and how her words come out hurtful sometimes. She said she had lived the hard life when she was younger and that she just wanted me to be safe. I only asked that she be understanding and this is something I must do.

This has been my day today. 

well, hopefully things can get better now. those were incredibly mean things to say though . I just hope that never happens to you again.

You made me cry Natallie. 

Hugs

I'm so sorry your family took things out on you.  One of the hardest parts of my transition has been to see those that I love more than anything break my heart and say horrible things, so your post really hit close to home.  For what's it's worth, some families do get past this phase and learn to regret how they initially reacted.  The fact that you both sat down and had a heart to heart after everything may set the stage for some progress.  I truly hope that will be the case in your situation, and I'm really sorry that you are going through this.  Please feel better because tomorrow is another day and people can learn from their mistakes.  Again, I'm really sad that you are going through this and hope it will get better. 

What a heartfelt story. My mom took it the long way when I told her i am transition and said pretty hateful things too. I feel right now I dont know if my family will ever get past this hurtful stage. I prey that your family will heal and love you unconditionally as the way you are.

Hi Natallie,
All sympathy to you, that's an incredibly difficult thing to push through, but you did. I know how insensitive people can be when they don't understand this predicament were in. I got yelled out my brother not long ago and I felt so discouraged about myself, and depressed for days.  It seems like it's run its course so I'am hoping things only move froward for you and yours from here on. Your very strong and courageous, I'am sure your mother sees that too.

BTW Natallie is such a pretty name

Hi Natallie,
       Some TLC here for you sister! ((Hugs)) Parent's always are the worst at overreacting with loads of drama. Sounds like you got it out there and so did she, perhaps the worst is over and you can move ahead. Mpm's always take this stuff as such a personal failure, "OMG where did I go wrong, I gave that child the best years of my life and he pulls this on us, what will the neighbors think?" It's the same story that we've all had to deal with. It's going to get better sweetie and you will survive and be one of the prettiest women to ever grace these pages.

hi natallie, coming out to others is always the most difficult and ingrate thing to do. no one knows how deeply we feel our dysphoria so it comes to many others as a shock. just be true to yourself and follow your heart; the road is long and arduous but you'll make it!

I guess the thing to try and remember is that lashing out at someone else is nothing more than an emotional reflex. A defense mechanism to give some people a sort of mental dumping valve in order to not become overwhelmed. A vain attempt to try and isolate the cause of the emotional stimulus and to undo it. Which usually involves an almost psychic knowledge of what someone can say to hurt you the most, to make you feel at your absolute lowest and to emotionally blackmail you into taking back everything which caused the situation in the first place. To return to the status quo.

To you, Natallie, and to everyone else going through this harrowing situation, I would say that as hard as it might be... remember that the way people behave in response to something they're told is 99% them, and 1% you. People have different coping mechanisms. Some lash out, some lash inwards, and blame themselves. But what both have in common is that what is said and done in the initial reactionary stages of something like coming out to them is, more often than not, based entirely how the other person deals with being put in a certain situation. And not to do with how they actually feel about you.

Our emotions are sort of hotwired to be a "shoot first, ask questions later" kind of deal. Probably stemming back to times spent living in caves, being faced with some big toothy, furry beasty and not having the time to sit down and ask it whether it preferred pork or beef, or how hungry it actually was. I think it's an evolutionary remnant of the fight or flight instinct when faced with overwhelming mental information. Some people try to run away, and deny everything... some people fight, and try to immediately remove the perceived threat.

It's good that you got the chance to talk with her again, sweetie. I hope that you two can move forward in this and build some sort of relationship that you can both feel happy in.

For those who are still facing the lashing out and the bitterness and anger - be strong, be patient, and have hope. People often have to deal with their own issues before they start to rationally deal with yours. That doesn't mean they never will.

*hugs*

Your mom sounds a lot like mine. She has said many many awful things to me, has actually hit me with a bible, started talking in tongues to get the debil out of me  and many other things. I'm glad your mom had a heart to heart talk with you. I've had a few of those with my mom and each time she gets better about things but still has relaspes and hurts me mentally with words. Family are often too hung up on the whole we only can see you one way and will hurt you as much as possible to keep you as you were even though we are crying out that we need to do what we are doing for the mere fact that we most likely won't survive for much longer if we don't. 

Thank you for the kind words everyone, I never thought my family would get to such a point. But now that, that has finally passed. Maybe the future will be easier sailing. 

I even went full out with my look and outfit today as a test and showed my mother how I looked. (I dressed like my avatar pic)  I walked up to her room door that was closed and asked if I can come in, I want to show you something. She said "are you dressed like that.." I said yes and walked in. She then stared for a moment and said WOW  you look different and I said so is the way I look really as bad as you thought? My mother said no and complimented how my make-up and outfit were. She did say I was a different mental image now and couldn't believe I was the same person.

So that was my day today.

Here is what I wore when I walked into my mother's room (click image to enlarge)

Natallie,
       If I was your parent and had no prior exposure to ->-bleeped-<- I would have had the same initial reaction and would have said the same thing, but you have shown your mom that you are already pretty awesome just as you are. I think a parent's biggest fear is that their kid is going to look repulsive and totally bizarre, becoming an embarrassment to their family. That's obviously not going to be the case with you. I have two sons in their early forties now, and I recall my youngest growing hair to his butt then shaving one half of his head telling me he was going to be a rockstar, needless to say as a parent I had a wtf moment at the time. It's just normal family stuff and I have to commend you for not getting into a screeching match and just quietly showing your mom how it can really be. 

Quote from: Shantel on February 18, 2014, 06:53:37 PM
Natallie,
       If I was your parent and had no prior exposure to ->-bleeped-<- I would have had the same initial reaction and would have said the same thing... and I have to commend you for not getting into a screeching match and just quietly showing your mom how it can really be. 

Well I dont know if this is considered new but they have known I'm transsexual for over four months now. They even asked me to confine myself away from them when I'm dressed. So I never dressed in front of them and this happened out of blue. They never saw me dressed and I guess she had emotions just building up and up and they finally popped that day. Perhaps the fact she didnt know how I would look is what did it?

Thank you, it was very hard not to start a "I am my own person" yelling match. I just stayed quite and took the yelling until it was finished. It was hard to listen to such things. :/

Quote from: Natallie553 on February 18, 2014, 09:10:01 PM
Well I dont know if this is considered new but they have known I'm transsexual for over four months now. They even asked me to confine myself away from them when I'm dressed. So I never dressed in front of them and this happened out of blue. They never saw me dressed and I guess she had emotions just building up and up and they finally popped that day. Perhaps the fact she didnt know how I would look is what did it? Absolutely, that's it!

Thank you, it was very hard not to start a "I am my own person" yelling match. I just stayed quite and took the yelling until it was finished. It was hard to listen to such things. :/

You handled it well and it's going to pay dividends.

Natallie, You are so pretty I don't know how her heart just didn't melt. You are incredible! Great job with your makeup and wardrobe choice.

Natallie, I'm glad you had a better day.

Quote from: Shantel on February 18, 2014, 09:18:51 PM
You handled it well and it's going to pay dividends.

Thanks Shantel! It was super stressful and emotional. Hopefully it only become better from this point forward. 

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on February 18, 2014, 10:01:52 PM
Natallie, You are so pretty I don't know how her heart just didn't melt. You are incredible! Great job with your makeup and wardrobe choice.

Thank you Jessica, I think she had a hard time with seeing anything but a loving person in front of her eyes.   

Quote from: Jamie de la Rosa on February 18, 2014, 10:13:35 PM
Natallie, I'm glad you had a better day.

Me too! I'm realllly glad things may turn around now and my family can grow again. 

I'm glad your mom is coming to terms, my mom kind of did the same stuff, at first she accepted until I started showing her videos and stuff online to get her to really understand, then I was called a dyke, a lesbian, that I'm crazy, that if I do this, to leave and not come back, and then after my mom cried she came back around again, its a tough thing coming out and trying to get family to understand, I am very glad things are starting to go upward for you