Is it possible for transphobic people that act like brick walls to understand trans* people?

I mean, my parents...*sigh* I have tried to constantly talk to them about trans* stuff, my dysphoria and depression, and other stuff like that. However, not only are they really transphobic, but they are unwilling to learn about them. Whenever I talk to my parents about this, they pretty much go like, "OMG shut up. I don't want to hear this crap again, I don't want to think about this crap again, and I don't even want to think about those stupid things called ->-bleeped-<-s." That kind of thing.

I know that people can learn to accept trans* people for who they are, but what can I do about my parent's attitude? Even my brother is starting to be like this (well, he's always hated me anyway for "scarring his life for eternity" or something along those lines), saying that I would be better off being gay or other things like, "You're going to live such a hard life as a ->-bleeped-<-. Do you want to live such a hard life?" (In which I answer, "Yes, because I'd rather be alive than being dead because of suicide." Of course, he comes back with, "How are you depressed over this stupid phase? Think of all the kids in Africa." Oh, and my mom uses the kids-in-Africa argument on me also to justify that I have a "wonderfully normal life").

Maybe a therapist would help convince my parents. We're seeing one at the moment, but we've only met once. There's a slight problem I can see with this, though...and it's with how they believe their word is much more valuable than doctors and other people that actually research this particular field. Do I know why? Not really.

If I had to guess, though, it would probably be their unwillingness to learn about trans* people, as mentioned before. They don't want to read about it, watch stuff about it, listen to me talk about it...all that stuff.
Me: Hey, Mom, can I show this video to you about trans*?
Mom: NO.
Me: Dad?
Dad: NO.
Me: ...How about an article about trans*?
Mom and Dad: NO.
Me: ...um, a medical report from a doctor about trans*?
Mom and Dad: NO.
Me: ...you don't want to know anything about trans*?
Mom and Dad: NO. NO. NO. NO. NO. Now shut up and go to your room.

I do hope that they do come around to learn about it, but I have doubts, too. If you plug your ears for eternity, you'll never hear the voices of information. Never. Unless you remove the plugs, of course.

I just don't get why they are so unwilling to learn about trans* and stay ignorant. Don't they want to learn about new stuff? Aren't they curious? I mean, they think this stuff is messed up and not "normal" - "normal" being "living in the state that you were born in, such as your gender". Aren't they even slightly curious about what's going on? This is the only part that I don't really understand about my parents.

Thoughts?

Hi lavin,

Quote from: lavini557 on February 20, 2014, 05:44:57 AM
Is it possible for transphobic people that act like brick walls to understand trans* people?

Yes. By virtue of the term "phobic", meaning suffering from irrational fears.

Quote from: lavini557 on February 20, 2014, 05:44:57 AM
I know that people can learn to accept trans* people for who they are, but what can I do about my parent's attitude?

Essentially nothing. They are the only ones who can change their minds.

Perhaps if you get a family friend they trust and understand, speak to them.

Quote from: lavini557 on February 20, 2014, 05:44:57 AM
Maybe a therapist would help convince my parents. We're seeing one at the moment, but we've only met once. There's a slight problem I can see with this, though...and it's with how they believe their word is much more valuable than doctors and other people that actually research this particular field. Do I know why? Not really.

This is actually you're best shot. Your therapist may be more persuasive, or be able to determine the communication barrier with your parents.

Quote from: lavini557 on February 20, 2014, 05:44:57 AM
I just don't get why they are so unwilling to learn about trans* and stay ignorant. Don't they want to learn about new stuff? Aren't they curious? ................ Aren't they even slightly curious about what's going on?

No, no and no.

Parents are, at the end of the day, just people. If someone is not willing to engage, there is nothing you can do about it, no matter what you do. Sadly, you just have to move on and live your own life.

Hope the therapist can remove the blockage.

Huggs
Catherine

Either they accept me or they may f off...Once I went to see my grandfather when I just transitioned, he told me 'Don't come to my house like this'. That was in 2009. I never went back, he just died beginning of this year and I don't give a sh*t. Same happen with my parents, I just cutt off from them till finally they were missing me themselves and called me once and told me I can come back if I dress like boy, I told them, go f yourselves. Accept me as I am or GET LOST! 

As simple as that.

If it were anyone other than your parents, I would tell you just to give it up.

But parents are worth a little extra effort.

My suggestion is to speak to them in sound bites. Things like:

* This isn't something I chose.
* No one's ever found a way to cure transgender.
* Transgender is serious. Depression and suicide are common among people who don't transition.
* The only known treatment is to transition to live as one's true gender.

Don't ask whether they want to hear it. Just say it. Repeat them often. Sometimes when you hear something enough times, you're more likely to think about it.

Might not work, but, given those are your parents, it's worth a try.

Good luck. It's really tough when your parents won't listen to reason. Please give yourself credit for dealing with a really difficult situation.

There is an old joke that really is true. How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?  One but it has to want to change.  Many people hate change and will resist it as hard as the can. Be yourself and be happy. That usually is the best idea and tends to win over people.

In my own experience, unless they are in your situation, they can never fully understand you. Acceptance is different though.

Quote from: Evolving Beauty on February 20, 2014, 06:41:06 AM
Either they accept me or they may f off...Once I went to see my grandfather when I just transitioned, he told me 'Don't come to my house like this'. That was in 2009. I never went back, he just died beginning of this year and I don't give a sh*t. Same happen with my parents, I just cutt off from them till finally they were missing me themselves and called me once and told me I can come back if I dress like boy, I told them, go f yourselves. Accept me as I am or GET LOST! 

As simple as that.

Yeah, I had this problem myself. I basically told them that they could get on board or we could part ways. They eventually came around but I still have my dad and brother that don't get it. They think that using my legal name and yet calling me "him", "he" etc, is acceptable. But, to be fair, they are pretty stupid so it doesn't surprise me. I just limit my contact with them to the bare minimum. If my mom wasn't living with these losers, I wouldn't have to see them at all.

My suggestion is stop bringing up the subject and just live as yourself. They will either accept it or not. You can only control yourself, not them.

Quote from: LordKAT on February 20, 2014, 02:33:18 PM
My suggestion is stop bringing up the subject and just live as yourself. They will either accept it or not. You can only control yourself, not them.

Quoted for Truth. I grew up in a very conservative household, abnormal for what is traditionally an "Accepting" and "liberal" area. My parents got better because through living my life to the fullest, I showed them. Actions speak louder than words.

Also, your age? I would imagine its implied in your ticker... lord if I were your age again I would get on HRT ASAP. Try your hardest here, work hard in school, and look forward to when you can be yourself legally. It gets better. Hold on!

Quote from: lavini557 on February 20, 2014, 05:44:57 AM
Thoughts?

There's an old quote, I forget who from, which goes along the lines of: "I can explain it to you, but I cannot understand it for you."

This is rather apt. People come to acceptance or understanding on their own. You can provide all the information in the world. A whole battery of therapists can recite every reason under the sun why you are who you are.

But the simple fact is, you cannot make people understand with a barrage of information for one simple reason. It isn't about that. It's about whether people want to understand. Very little to do with you, or the information, or the rationalisation, or anything other than the people in question getting over the dyed-in-the-wool preconceptions they have within their own minds about what it all means.

People have to want to assimilate the information and reality placed in front of them.

To that end, let your actions speak louder than your words. Don't tell them who you are. Show them. Through living. Through consistently being true to yourself.

They don't want to understand, they don't want to accept. That's their choice. But it's your choice to take control of your own life and be who you want to be. You can only control the choices you make. If the repercussions of those choices make people have to take notice and deal with what's placed in front of them... so be it.

QuoteI just don't get why they are so unwilling to learn about trans* and stay ignorant. Don't they want to learn about new stuff? Aren't they curious?

It sounds like one of my coping mechanisms. If I don't hear it, if I don't see it, if I don't acknowledge it then it is not there (the wall).

I do not know your age so please take this into consideration. leave literature around the house. Get therapy if not for gender dysphoria then depression. Explain everything to the therapist (everything). Then invite you parents to a session as a guest. If you are in school speak to a guidance counselor.