Being transgender is one of the toughest obstacles anyone can face.  We are prone to anxiety, depression and a suicide rate that is off the chart.  There is a large segment of the population that would like to see us dismissed and marginalized, and another segment that would take it even further than that.  Sometimes these ignorami turn out to be completely entwined within our lives, and because of that, there are some of us rely on this place for therapeutic healing, love, support, a break from a horrible reality or a shoulder to cry on.  For me, it is mostly fear of the unknown that brings me here.  The uncharted waters of transitioning and the feeling of flying blind can be a bit unnerving.  I don't know what lies ahead for me, and flying by the seat of my pants is something I only have done on a guitar thus far.  Transition can be scary, and hearing from people who have been there and done that can really help settle my nerves.

Lately I have noticed a change of atmosphere here that I have found unsettling.  We've lost a lot of good people lately to the negativity, and I don't like the way things have been going either.  I personally think this place should be kept positive, safe and always make you feel better when you leave.  Lately it has had mostly the opposite effect on me.  Too often I find myself more wound up, sad and angry because of just a handful of you who like to stir things up, bicker and one-up each other.  Sadly, I have even found myself viewing the fray and being so flabbergasted that I even found the need to chime in a few times.  There are plenty of places on the internet to do this, and I'd prefer this place to be somewhere where one can take a breather from that sort of thing.  We need to stick together for a big group hug here, not become more polarized and divided over crap like politics, religion or even whom is more trans*.  Again, there's plenty of places to be a fanatic on the internet and I feel this really should not be one of them.  We do have a few really good moderators here, mind you, but clearly there are not enough of them to go around.   

My last issue I will bring up is the +/- reputation system.  It means different things to different people here and it never seems to be used consistently.  For this reason, I believe it to be de facto meaningless and even potentially dangerous.  Because of that I have never once hit up or down to anyone.  Were there posts that I found helpful or meaningful?  Absolutely.  Hundreds, in fact.  Were there posts I found insulting, offensive or just plain wrong?  You bet.  I shoot from the hip, I tell it like it is, and if you like it, great, if you don't, well, hit the -1 on me.  It means nothing to me in the end.  I have developed a pretty thick skin over my lifetime, and I am thankfully still here because I was able to summon that strength.  What I fear is that due to the fact so many of us are very fragile, on the brink of ending it all and even already completely broken, a -1 could someday be the last straw that leads to a suicide.  I would really hate to see someone silenced forever over flak from an ill-conceived post.  I could also start using the system to illustrate how farcical it can be.

TL;DR I want to exchange warm fuzzies here, not cold pricklies.  If things continue like they are, I'm going to need to pack it up and go.  There are many of you whom I will miss dearly, but if the negativity outweighs the positive, I cannot in good conscience hang around much longer.

BTW- I don't like my posts edited or deleted without explanation either.

Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 03:35:23 PM
TL;DR I want to exchange warm fuzzies here, not cold pricklies. 

I feel exactly the same way. I hope I'm not one of the ones who has been part of the fray. I love a good, friendly, political discussion, and I don't always remember to acknowledge the wisdom and good intentions of the person I'm disagreeing with.

Sending hugs your way. Thanks for telling us what's on your mind.

Well you said it yourself...we are prone to depression...
So its only natural if people sometimes get negative feelings...

Jill, I'll ignore the edited comment. In the future, please abide by rule 2.

Anyway, I don't know all of what upset you. But we do take these things seriously. Please keep in mind though that this is a support site for people dealing with very emotionally charged issues. Even on innocuous sites like game sites for instance, there are emotionally charged flare-ups. People disagree. People get angry. People get hurt. Anywhere a bunch of people gather, this will happen. It's unavoidable. This is a support site, but it is not immune to problems. In fact, given the nature of the serious issues, it may be even more prone to upsets. We've basically gathered a bunch of people here from different backgrounds, countries, generations, experiences etc under one roof united by one single issue they share. There are going to be disagreements.

I've been here a long time. At regular intervals, there are worries that the sky is falling in and there are rainclouds of negativity reported. This happened when I was a mod, this happened when I was a regular member, it happened before I got here and it will continue to happen after I'm gone. Actually, the worst that I remember happened years ago when I was a mod. And it was pretty bad. It's never going to be consistent smooth sailing here. People are going to disagree. Oftentimes, people get so upset over some minor thing, then those close to them get upset, then everyone's upset. It doesn't mean the sky is falling in. It doesn't mean the forum's taken a negative turn. It just means this is an emotional place, people share their souls and secrets here. Many here share things they have never shared with a soul in real life. People come here for support they can't get anywhere else. CEOs, politicians and other powerful people come here and share their demons. That's how emotionally charged this place is.

We can't prevent disagreements and upsets. The only way I can think of that would 'maybe' help prevent such would be to censor everything. That would undermine the support factor. We're already pretty strict. It's a delicate balance doling out 'punishment' on a support forum. I've had (and all the mods have had) people emailing us because they got a warning etc. and it made them feel bad and maybe set them over the edge. Our people here are vulnerable, every last one of us from the newest member to our admins. When we have a situation between members that seems ambiguous - who is right and who is wrong? Usually neither. It really does take two. And often in situations between two or more members, staff has insight on both others don't have. Anyone can have their opinion on a situation and what was done. But most often, they're not working with all the information we are.

There are always going to be people upset over staff actions or anything that happens here. That's just the way things go. Most often, there are people who didn't get their way and received a warning or whatever who feel wronged and want everyone to know it. Even so, the majority of people speaking against this site, our staff and me (and inflaming situations and spreading rumors) are either disgruntled former staff or people who applied for staff positions and did not receive them. I know, I'm the admin. I know who is former and wannabe staff. And sure, they're loud. That's it.

I'm sorry you've been feeling this way. I did feel the same way before and kind of do still. I got into a debate about religion and it got pretty heated but I realised the best thing to do is just walk away and stop replying to avoid it getting worse.

Anyways, I would hate to see you leave. I like your posts a lot, Jill.

A large barge pole comes in handy sometimes. I have the politics and the religion boards ignored in my profile for a reason. However, these beguiling and insidious topics still manage to bleed into the other boards and I feel powerless to read. It's like car-crash tv BTW, the forum needs people like you. The more, the better.

Quote from: FA on March 04, 2014, 04:24:21 PM
Jill, I'll ignore the edited comment. In the future, please abide by rule 2.

Anyway, I don't know all of what upset you. But we do take these things seriously. Please keep in mind though that this is a support site for people dealing with very emotionally charged issues. Even on innocuous sites like game sites for instance, there are emotionally charged flare-ups. People disagree. People get angry. People get hurt. Anywhere a bunch of people gather, this will happen. It's unavoidable. This is a support site, but it is not immune to problems. In fact, given the nature of the serious issues, it may be even more prone to upsets. We've basically gathered a bunch of people here from different backgrounds, countries, generations, experiences etc under one roof united by one single issue they share. There are going to be disagreements.

I've been here a long time. At regular intervals, there are worries that the sky is falling in and there are rainclouds of negativity reported. This happened when I was a mod, this happened when I was a regular member, it happened before I got here and it will continue to happen after I'm gone. Actually, the worst that I remember happened years ago when I was a mod. And it was pretty bad. It's never going to be consistent smooth sailing here. People are going to disagree. Oftentimes, people get so upset over some minor thing, then those close to them get upset, then everyone's upset. It doesn't mean the sky is falling in. It doesn't mean the forum's taken a negative turn. It just means this is an emotional place, people share their souls and secrets here. Many here share things they have never shared with a soul in real life. People come here for support they can't get anywhere else. CEOs, politicians and other powerful people come here and share their demons. That's how emotionally charged this place is.

We can't prevent disagreements and upsets. The only way I can think of that would 'maybe' help prevent such would be to censor everything. That would undermine the support factor. We're already pretty strict. It's a delicate balance doling out 'punishment' on a support forum. I've had (and all the mods have had) people emailing us because they got a warning etc. and it made them feel bad and maybe set them over the edge. Our people here are vulnerable, every last one of us from the newest member to our admins. When we have a situation between members that seems ambiguous - who is right and who is wrong? Usually neither. It really does take two. And often in situations between two or more members, staff has insight on both others don't have. Anyone can have their opinion on a situation and what was done. But most often, they're not working with all the information we are.

There are always going to be people upset over staff actions or anything that happens here. That's just the way things go. Most often, there are people who didn't get their way and received a warning or whatever who feel wronged and want everyone to know it. Even so, the majority of people speaking against this site, our staff and me (and inflaming situations and spreading rumors) are either disgruntled former staff or people who applied for staff positions and did not receive them. I know, I'm the admin. I know who is former and wannabe staff. And sure, they're loud. That's it.

Thank you for posting this.  I have been here a relatively short time and have not witnessed personally how it cycles.  There have been several exchanges here over the last few weeks that have made me wonder what I'm even doing here and whether or not I am wasting my time and energy.  There are plenty of places on the internet to discuss what divides us, but I don't see that as necessarily being a function of this place.  I would think that the focus should be on healing and support and having people take away nothing but positive things.  That being said, I read you 100%.  It comes down to what is a balance of what is the lesser of two evils in the end.  However, although we all come from different backgrounds and have differing views on many subjects, I would like to see us concentrate on what unites us and what we all have in common.  We have enough problems as it is with acceptance, and fighting amongst each other will never advance us in the eyes of the world.  At first I was taking away nothing but positive things here, feeling good about offering whatever help and wisdom I had to offer, sharing some levity and having pleasant exchanges.  Lately I have just seen too many good people go for all the wrong (and possibly preventable) reasons.  That makes me wonder if staying around is right for me as well.  It has begun to be a net loss for me and I'd hate to need to feel I need to bail for good for my own sanity when I know it doesn't have to be that way.

And for the record, FA, I think would rather give myself an orchiectomy with a butter knife than be a moderator here and AG, you have never once irked me in any way.

I hope you stay.  I understand if you feel you need to leave for yourself, totally get it, but even though we don't each other well, I have enjoyed your posts and advice.  You are someone that is always a welcome and positive addition to the threads here and someone I am hoping to be friends with eventually.

Quote from: FA on March 04, 2014, 04:24:21 PM
Even so, the majority of people speaking against this site, our staff and me (and inflaming situations and spreading rumors) are either disgruntled former staff or people who applied for staff positions and did not receive them. I know, I'm the admin. I know who is former and wannabe staff. And sure, they're loud. That's it.

Well, I'm former staff and I've rarely had any complaints.

Sure, I may have been a tad moody and spazzed out as a result of that, but it was more about my moodiness than anything else.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have to find the lacertilia squamata, it IS worth 2000 points, ya know.

Quote from: FA on March 04, 2014, 04:24:21 PM
Even so, the majority of people speaking against this site, our staff and me (and inflaming situations and spreading rumors) are either disgruntled former staff or people who applied for staff positions and did not receive them. I know, I'm the admin. I know who is former and wannabe staff. And sure, they're loud. That's it.

Does this mean that stupid cold war is still going on?? I really wish that people would grow up and make amends. 

These are all fair points Jill, but please stay because I think you bring good things to the conversation.

I usually don't comment on the complaint threads, but I'd like to put on a hat different from what I usually do.  I'm head of an organization with a volunteer staff of 7 (and growing) that is active in running two support groups in two states, and tend to find myself in the role of consultant for all the new groups that pop up in the DC/MD/NoVA area.  And when I say "all," I do mean literally every single one that has started in the last two years.  So I'd like to don my support group organizer/adviser hat for a moment and talk about how support groups work and try to apply that to a big site like this.  I hope I can make this pretty generic and hopefully not overstep . . . I'm going to try.

Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 03:35:23 PM
Being transgender is one of the toughest obstacles anyone can face.  We are prone to anxiety, depression and a suicide rate that is off the chart.  There is a large segment of the population that would like to see us dismissed and marginalized, and another segment that would take it even further than that.  Sometimes these ignorami turn out to be completely entwined within our lives, and because of that, there are some of us rely on this place for therapeutic healing, love, support, a break from a horrible reality or a shoulder to cry on.  For me, it is mostly fear of the unknown that brings me here.  The uncharted waters of transitioning and the feeling of flying blind can be a bit unnerving.  I don't know what lies ahead for me, and flying by the seat of my pants is something I only have done on a guitar thus far.  Transition can be scary, and hearing from people who have been there and done that can really help settle my nerves.

Lately I have noticed a change of atmosphere here that I have found unsettling.  We've lost a lot of good people lately to the negativity, and I don't like the way things have been going either.  I personally think this place should be kept positive, safe and always make you feel better when you leave. 

I agree with you that this place should be safe.  As you discuss very eloquently in your opening paragraph, trans* people are prone to depression, anxiety, suicide and a host of other maladies.  They need a place to put those things, to talk about them, to think through them with the help of others, and just to be able to feel it without being alone.  Sometimes there are losses and there is just a need to cry.  When you have that going on, it is not realistic to think that the space will always be positive or always make you feel better when you leave.  For that reason, I disagree that this place should always be positive and make you feel better.  The fact that one can come here and sometimes almost hear the tears in people's voices when you read their writing means it's working.  And because it's working, you can't always expect to leave feeling better.

It's also to be expected that people come and go.  One of the big problems I see in the local support groups is that they are populated by people who come and who have been coming for years and years and years.  As a result, they are closely knit circles that don't do very well at taking in newcomers.  And they don't really do support anymore either.  They are more like social clubs.  If you want to go have a good time, go to those groups.  They are kind of recreational.  If you need a shoulder to cry on, or you are suicidal, or you just don't know what to do, then come to the ones my org runs.  We do support instead of recreation.  It's not very good recreation as a rule.  And when people don't need us anymore, they tend to move on.  And that's good. 

Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 03:35:23 PM
Lately it has had mostly the opposite effect on me.  Too often I find myself more wound up, sad and angry because of just a handful of you who like to stir things up, bicker and one-up each other.  Sadly, I have even found myself viewing the fray and being so flabbergasted that I even found the need to chime in a few times.  There are plenty of places on the internet to do this, and I'd prefer this place to be somewhere where one can take a breather from that sort of thing.  We need to stick together for a big group hug here, not become more polarized and divided over crap like politics, religion or even whom is more trans*.  Again, there's plenty of places to be a fanatic on the internet and I feel this really should not be one of them. 

This, however, is a problem because it violates the "safe" part above.  And it's a serious problem. 

I do know what you mean.  I seem to have my own person who likes to get not-so-subtle digs in at me whenever possible and I have had some experience with the bullies too.  As a consequence. I don't feel safe to talk about my own issues anymore and many of the topics I started that people seem to most appreciate are topics that I genuinely regret having started at all.  I haven't posted a thread in quite a while now and it's not because I have nothing I'd like to put forward for discussion.  It's because I'm pretty committed to opening my vulnerable sides up as little as possible.  But yet the bullies need support and space too. 

At the end of the day, in a support space, protecting the safety of the space has to be paramount.  Balancing that with the need to provide safe space to everyone who needs it can be a facilitator's nightmare.  People often act out because they need the support, and you can't make the need and desire to obtain support into a bad thing.  But at the same time, if someone is being disruptive and damaging the safe space for everyone else, that person is a threat to the integrity of the entire space.  So you try to solve the problem in a way that is as gentle as possible. 

Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 03:35:23 PM
We do have a few really good moderators here, mind you, but clearly there are not enough of them to go around.   

I think this site has some of the better moderation that I've seen, but yes there are too few.  I suspect that the moderators know that.  It takes an awful lot of people to moderate a site this big.  And keeping them all uniform in their understanding of how to moderate is difficult.  For example, the fact that Susan's has numerous rules makes it complicated to keep track of what the rules are.  If I could offer two suggestions for addressing this, I think they would be:

(1) Simplify.  The rules are very complicated and some of them don't even appear to be written, which makes it hard for people to know about them and follow them.  But if you make it simple and easy to know the rules, then that can make a moderator's job easier and a single moderator can cover more ground.

(2) Don't be afraid to ask for help.  As far as I can see, all the staff positions at Susan's require a person to apply for them.  That's fine.  But if the staff sees someone who would be a good moderator/links administrator/whatever else, then talk about it among yourselves and ask them!  This may, of course  already be happening without me knowing.

Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 03:35:23 PM
My last issue I will bring up is the +/- reputation system.  It means different things to different people here and it never seems to be used consistently.  For this reason, I believe it to be de facto meaningless and even potentially dangerous.  Because of that I have never once hit up or down to anyone.  Were there posts that I found helpful or meaningful?  Absolutely.  Hundreds, in fact.  Were there posts I found insulting, offensive or just plain wrong?  You bet.  I shoot from the hip, I tell it like it is, and if you like it, great, if you don't, well, hit the -1 on me.  It means nothing to me in the end.  I have developed a pretty thick skin over my lifetime, and I am thankfully still here because I was able to summon that strength.  What I fear is that due to the fact so many of us are very fragile, on the brink of ending it all and even already completely broken, a -1 could someday be the last straw that leads to a suicide.  I would really hate to see someone silenced forever over flak from an ill-conceived post.  I could also start using the system to illustrate how farcical it can be.

As my signature block makes clear, I do not like the reputation system.  I have two different feelings about it.  On the one hand, it's a silly little thumbs up or thumbs down thing that is annoying in the way that an insect buzzing around my ear is annoying.  But not a big deal. 

But looking at this from a support and safe space perspective, I think it is a very big deal.  One big thing about safety is creating a space that is free of judgment.  I can find no other way to interpret the reputation system than a system of judgment.  If a person is raising a question that is meaningful and touches on things you care about, give them a +1.  If a person raises an issue that you don't think is important, then no matter how important that issue is to the person, you can just give them a -1.  If someone states an opinion that you disagree with, give them a -1.  If someone tells a truth you don't want to hear, give them a -1.  Basically we complain a lot about judgmental people, but we set up a system specifically for being judgmental.  The reputation system is wholly incompatible with safe space and being judgment free.  In that way, it is a really big deal in a bad way.

I cannot think of any sort of positive for the system.

And I'm a person with a lot of +'s compared to my number of totals.  And I know I'd have a lot more if not for my signature block.  But that's okay.  My words can speak for me.  I don't need someone else to + me.  If what I have to say is at all useful, then people will figure it out soon enough on their own.

Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 03:35:23 PM
TL;DR I want to exchange warm fuzzies here, not cold pricklies.  If things continue like they are, I'm going to need to pack it up and go.  There are many of you whom I will miss dearly, but if the negativity outweighs the positive, I cannot in good conscience hang around much longer.

For what it's worth, Susan's is the best trans* support site that I know of.  It has room for improvement.  So do all places.  So do the support groups I'm involved in running.  That's okay.  I hope that I've done a bit to offer some ways in which improvement could happen so that we can take that step from discussing a problem to finding a solution.  In that respect I hope I've been helpful.

Quote from: Laura Squirrel on March 04, 2014, 05:33:20 PM

Quote from: FA on March 04, 2014, 04:24:21 PM
Even so, the majority of people speaking against this site, our staff and me (and inflaming situations and spreading rumors) are either disgruntled former staff or people who applied for staff positions and did not receive them. I know, I'm the admin. I know who is former and wannabe staff. And sure, they're loud. That's it.

Well, I'm former staff and I've rarely had any complaints.

Sure, I may have been a tad moody and spazzed out as a result of that, but it was more about my moodiness than anything else.

Now, if you will excuse me, I have to find the lacertilia squamata, it IS worth 2000 points, ya know.

Definitely not you hon. Sure you spazz out occasionally. 

Quote from: FA on March 04, 2014, 05:56:14 PM
Definitely not you hon. Sure you spazz out occasionally. 

Oh, yeah. I'm guilty of that.

I didn't find the lacertilia squamata, after all.....Friggin Leland.

Honestly, the best thing I can recommend is to try and avoid the drama if it drags you down. I love this place dearly and it's helped me in so many ways, but sometimes I do get caught up in the drama that makes it's mark here.  From what I've learned, it's often not worth it and I regret getting involved when I do. You create bad blood with people you like and create a negative stain on something that ought to be a postive place for us all.  Discussing something in a respectful manner is fine, but arguments or bickering is rarely productive.  Of course, it's still a learning process for me to determine which is which and sometimes it can be challenging to prevent my emotions from getting the best of me.  Something that I'm always working on bettering.

Really don't let the little bad things ruin a great site for you.  While every site has it's problems, I say the negatives are heavily outweighed by the positives.  There are so many great people to learn from and share experiences with, especially nice for those of us who really don't have another outlet to discuss trans issues with. That beats any individual day of drama or minor disputes in my book.  In any event, I really hope you don't leave for any of these bad feelings you have and would like to personally apologize if I ever contributed to them.   

I also pointed out once in a different thread that I've seen what a lot of people fear happen to another site I was active on.  It went from the warm, supportive, family atmosphere that is this site to a den of trolls and bickering.  Main reason for this is the lack of punishments/warning systems.  The site founder didn't like to ban.  Only spambots got banned.  The Mods could verbally reprimand a problem member, but nothing more really.  Some members eventually realized this, and that spread throughout.

This site and its staff is very different from that.  I've seen members that were being particularly offensive get themselves muted, and there is a strong atmosphere of actively protecting that safe, supportive atmosphere.

As FA said, any large community is going to have spats.  Hell, any small group is going to have spats.  Friends, family, it happens. People disagree, sometimes passionately, sometimes not so passionately as opposed to had a bad day and wasn't able to bite their tongue as well as they normally do.  It happens.  You can't avoid it.  Even prolonged solitude will cause you to go a bit nuts and have to deal with the the growing disagreement between the lamp and the doorknob.

And as you mentioned, this community has a lot it has to deal with.  We take a lot of crap.  That wears people down, and causes a lot of people to not always be able keep their emotions in check or their annoyance.  People have bad days, we have a lot of them.  And often times a bad day can unintentionally be taken out on someone innocent.  While that's no excuse, a little understanding on the other half's part can go a long way to avoiding a spat.  We're all just human.

For the most part, these are going to work themselves out without needing to step in.  And Staff have the job of not being too restrictive, while making sure it doesn't cross the line.  But when it comes to things that do cross that line, I've seen the mods and admins step in and shut it down, or remove it completely.  I have faith in them being on top of things and keeping this place safe and supportive.

I tend to lurk for the most part and I've seen some pretty messed up things. I'm not talking about people talking bad about the site but rather people who are arguing and bickering over simple things. I've seen people make assumptions about people and some of this negativity has come from the current staff. I like using the site as a source of information and to get a feel for how other view a certain issues. I like to give advice to those I can and help them but right now I have mixed feelings.

Quote from: ThePhoenix on March 04, 2014, 05:51:10 PM

Quote from: Jill F on March 04, 2014, 03:35:23 PM
We do have a few really good moderators here, mind you, but clearly there are not enough of them to go around.   

I think this site has some of the better moderation that I've seen, but yes there are too few.  I suspect that the moderators know that.  It takes an awful lot of people to moderate a site this big.  And keeping them all uniform in their understanding of how to moderate is difficult.  For example, the fact that Susan's has numerous rules makes it complicated to keep track of what the rules are.  If I could offer two suggestions for addressing this, I think they would be:

(1) Simplify.  The rules are very complicated and some of them don't even appear to be written, which makes it hard for people to know about them and follow them.  But if you make it simple and easy to know the rules, then that can make a moderator's job easier and a single moderator can cover more ground.

(2) Don't be afraid to ask for help.  As far as I can see, all the staff positions at Susan's require a person to apply for them.  That's fine.  But if the staff sees someone who would be a good moderator/links administrator/whatever else, then talk about it among yourselves and ask them!  This may, of course  already be happening without me knowing.

Well, I guess it's okay to admit we're short-handed. There were some inter-staff problems a few months ago and some people had to be let go. To prevent similar issues in the future, I've been re-vamping things. I've realized it takes a certain personality for this job. And it's largely a thankless job that most probably don't want. We need dedicated volunteers. Unfortunately, some of the people most eager for the job are the most unsuited. We're not looking for hall monitors or traffic cops. Or for people who blindly administer penalties without thought for context. This is a support site, and so we can't deal with members like traffic offenders. If your (impersonal you) idea of moderating is penalizing someone who dropped one '->-bleeped-<-' in an 800 word emotional vent post, then you're not a good fit for us. Yes, we don't allow profanity. But we don't want traffic cops. I'm not editing every single ->-bleeped-<- from the board. (Now a bunch of successive ->-bleeped-<-s in a post well...)

Basically, we need people who know there's a balance between support and policing. People who can use their common sense. And our current mods are good at this (as are most of our former mods who retired on their own). We need people who are empathetic and care about the members. A former mod probably summed it up best when she said that the best candidates are those who have the power, but really don't want to use it.

But we also need people who can remain objective and not get personally involved. We have members going off on us and blaming a warning or whatever they received from us for everything from their falling off the wagon to their suicide attempt. So, yeah, you've got to be in a place where you can deal with stuff like that. Members are going to get mad and blame you for everything under the sun for doing your job. So, yeah, you've got to really want to do this.


We also need loyalty and someone who can follow the rules themselves.
Also important is people who can get along behind the scenes. Staff who can disagree with each other and not let it get any further. If I had to pick the most important trait for this job (or really any job), it would be someone who is not afraid to apologize. Someone who is the first to apologize if it will keep the peace. Someone who sees relationships as more important than being right. Someone who can let things go. Someone who can speak their mind, but let it go if overruled. Our current mods are good at this (and many former mods are as well). We just need more.

A lot of these are traditionally feminine attributes, so I've tended to look at female identified people, but a guy exhibiting these traits is just as welcome.

oh wow, sorry this seems to have turned into an ad.  Well, we're open for volunteers, but we're already looking at several volunteers (I just haven't interrogated them yet), so don't feel bad if someone ahead of you gets the job. But yeah, this is the person we're looking for. If you think that's you, let me know.


 

I for one will never leave this family as it quite literally saved my life and I owe a debt of gratitude I can never repay. Jill I would miss you so much if you leave. Your humor broke me out of feeling sorry for myself many times and I appreciate it a lot. If you go know that I will miss you and hope to hear from you one day in the future.