there seems to be a lot of discussion about people questioning their decision or desire to be the opposite gender. I was wondering if it's possible to define what exactly is the thought process that goes into believing you'd be better off as the other gender. I know it started at 4 years old for me and it tormented me for the rest of my  life. It started with  being happier wearing girls clothes and that continues and is still a part of me which I can't deny , even though I've put a lot of effort into trying to deny.  Now, that I'm transitioning I'm critically appraising my life to figure out why it's more beneficial for me to live as a female than a male. There is a sexual element to it, but I've always considered my self bisexual so how I present shouldn't matter. I know mentally I desire to look female. I also know socially I'm far more comfortable in a female role. I really don't like being part of a male group or activity. I know part of the problem is that this started with me at such a young age I can't rid myself of the person I am because of that fact. It's kind of like a blue print I've guided my life by. I totally believe genetics in my case is the major controlling factor in my developing my gender perception . It just seems totally impossible to have come from any where else. I have had this incredibly intense pull from my unconscious in the development of who I am. My dreams and waking state has always confirmed my feminine nature which is finally being completed through transition. I don't know if this makes sense , I'm just trying to define why I am like this. It's hard to analyze the reasons. I really have never ever felt right being male , and believe me I've tried, it just never worked.

I might be a minority in that I haven't ever really wondered why.  If I was to find an explanation, it wouldn't really change anything and there's no guarantee that that would actually be the reason.  So, why worry?  The only reason I've really researched any reasons why is to give other people an explanation; I don't really need one.

Darling, have you read Julia Serano or Kate Bornstein? I ask this because you've posted about six or seven different versions of this very same question on here under different slants.

Do some reading, get in your groove with your own thoughts and experiences, do your time with your counselor, and stop worrying so much all the time. 

Hi Stephanie,

Quote from: stephaniec on March 06, 2014, 01:28:29 PM
I was wondering if it's possible to define what exactly is the thought process that goes into believing you'd be better off as the other gender.

It's all very quite simple. If I understand this statement correctly, I assume you mean, you, trying to believe you'd be better off as a male.

That being the case, it all starts at birth. You pop out, an MD, checked out what's between your legs and you either get an M or an F. It all takes place in less than a minute. For the rest of your life you are formed into that ascribed gender by society norms, your environment and the nurturing you receive. Irrespective whether those conditions match your brain gender or not. You are subliminally and overtly corralled into that gender.

You, and many others here, railed against it at such a young age, you maintained the rage until you decided to do something about it. i.e. Stay the female you were born as.

It's all a game of playing external influences against internal feelings. Who's going to win?

Huggs
Catherine

Seems some want to be comfortable in their own skin with an honest non repressed physical gender identity (me), and some want the total transition physically and socially to live out there dream as a total woman.

Steph I thought you were going for the total transition on this with no conflicts- living out the total woman, because that's how you really feel, leaving whatever the male side is or was behind, because your identity is that of a total woman socially and physically.

What is going to make you happiest dear?  What will make you whole?  We all want to be happy.

I think too much.  It drives me crazy.  A close friend told me to follow my heart, the heart knows.  My goodness that helped me.  So short answer why be the non birth sex?  Because thats where the heart is?

The other day I as thinking the same thing, since I have not done anything major yet and it is one question I'd like answered.

Few weeks back I sorta fell back into my old ways. I stopped exercising as much as began to absorb myself into games again (well more then normal). I didn't like it so I started thinking about everything and why I was falling into denial again.

I was thinking things. "Well maybe I am  ->-bleeped-<- - but that seems to have been disproved" "Maybe it is OCD" but I couldn't find any solid proof with that linking to being transgender - plus my feeling have been around a long time and I can't recall doing anything OCD related when I was younger - in fact I was pretty care free kid.

So I said to myself. "I am not afraid to be transgender. I want to be transgender." here is were I had a break through. "I want to be transgender? who wants to be transgender..." I then realized. "I want to be transgender so I can maybe be a girl."

I don't wish I was transgender, I wish I didn't have to have these thoughts these days, but I do so I want to be transgender so I can maybe be a girl. I know this probably sound completely bonkers and it doesn't really even answer my question. Yet I think it pretty much made me realize I am transgender and possible going to be transsexual.

Dunno....hehe.

I tried to find the reason to explain why I'm Trans for a long time.  I came up with several different theories.  But for me, and I know this isn't well accepted on this forum, it came down to suicide or transition.  Obviously I chose transition.  Bottom line for me is - it doesn't really matter 'why' I'm Trans, I just am.  Why waste any more time trying to explain it?  Do what you can to become who you are inside your heart and mind and be happy.   

Quote from: Victoria Mitchell on March 06, 2014, 06:40:32 PM
Darling, have you read Julia Serano or Kate Bornstein? I ask this because you've posted about six or seven different versions of this very same question on here under different slants.

Do some reading, get in your groove with your own thoughts and experiences, do your time with your counselor, and stop worrying so much all the time. 

Quote from: Caysee Danielle on March 06, 2014, 01:33:02 PM
I might be a minority in that I haven't ever really wondered why.  If I was to find an explanation, it wouldn't really change anything and there's no guarantee that that would actually be the reason.  So, why worry?  The only reason I've really researched any reasons why is to give other people an explanation; I don't really need one.

Quote from: JordanBlue on March 07, 2014, 10:23:52 PM
I tried to find the reason to explain why I'm Trans for a long time.  I came up with several different theories.  But for me, and I know this isn't well accepted on this forum, it came down to suicide or transition.  Obviously I chose transition.  Bottom line for me is - it doesn't really matter 'why' I'm Trans, I just am.  Why waste any more time trying to explain it?  Do what you can to become who you are inside your heart and mind and be happy.   

Stephanie, like Victoria has pointed out, you've basically asked the same question several times in different threads, but in the end, since you've known since age 4 you should have been a girl, do you really need to know exactly why? I have what I and my endocrinologist consider physiological reasons I'm TS, but I'm not unique. Psychological reasons aren't unique either, but maybe each of us in our reasons why are unique. I've made huge mental and physical advances in my need to match my body to my mental, emotional and spiritual being. I think you should question your need to know why more than anything, because it seems that although you're transitioning, you seem quite unhappy and ill at ease in transition. If you've made the decision to transition and it's final, just do it and stop worrying about it. You'll have a much better life once you do, because in the end, your reasons were myriad and very powerful, or you wouldn't have taken such a drastic step in transitioning. Enjoy it! Hugs, Mira

I tried to chase that stupid WHY for a long time. Came to understand who cares WHY.

I am who i am. Not why am i who i am.

Isabell

there's a great advantage to have a free forum if you don't like the question or are bored by it ,simply ignore it. the post will be swiftly lost to memory when ignored .No harm done to any party. No feelings hurt, totally benign event. sand is washed into the ocean and probably will drift to the center of the sea taking a millennium to return to the shore.

You summed my feelings up pretty much in the first post. I knew this at a very young age. I exhausted every other option that kept me alive.

I do not know if there was a thought PROCESS for me, just the thought.