Hello again everyone. So sorry I've been a little absent on Susan's this last little while. We've been dealing with the backlash of coming out to our families and it's been rather exhausting. People we thought would take it well, didn't. People we thought would take it bad, didn't... and them some of them did after that. It's been just pure insanity.

As we thought my family is more supportive of H, although if I have one more bloody person tell me they have no idea why I still married her I'm gonna scream. They all seem to understand transitioning is a necessity, but seem to be stuck on the fact that I could be crazy enough to love this person unconditionally even with all this. My mother in particular analyzing every moment of our relationship and tell me that she doesn't see us as partners so much as best girlfriends. Try telling her that every relationship has it's own dynamics is like talking to a wall. Sorry, I'm not sorry I don't stick my tongue down her throat every second of the day... PDA is just not my bag.

Things with her family are capricious. Now, one of the few things I am truly proud of is my empathy for others and my ability to see things from their perspective. So when H and her family argue I try to remind her to have patience with them because it is a big change and they need to process it. They say they don't think they'll ever be able to use the right name or pronouns, I remind her that it's still new and maybe suggest they just need exposure to it. When H is getting heated, I try to calm her and get her to take a step back before anything too hurtful is said. Somehow though, with all this.... I'M the bad guy. I'm trying to remain strong because I know H needs it. But to hear the recap of things that are said about me is so hurtful especially given all I do. Apparently, using correct pronouns is shoving it in their face. My sexuality is why I'm so permissive of the transition because I'm just looking for acceptance for myself for being bi. My open minded nature is making it too easy on H to transition. And apparently knitting is disrespectful... even if the project is a baby blanket for the first grandchild and our first niece.

I completely understand that this is a very hard time. I keep trying to tell myself that it's just lashing out. These things aren't nearly half as bad as what is being said to H directly. I feel like I need to push these feelings away. I don't feel like my upset is going to help anything, and this isn't about me. None of that is making it any less distressing. I just wish we knew how to handle this. Because I don't know that she's up for another month of constant arguing, and I don't know that I have it in me to watch helplessly.

"Knitting is disrespectful"??

Your two families seem to be ... well ... crackpots! 

Time and distance will help calm things.  Get away from the negative influences.

Crackpot

I had to smile at your name.  You appear to be the only sane person in a sea of madness.  However while you are being amazingly supportive of your partner remember it is not just about her, it is about you and it is about your relationship.  You do need to also tend to your own needs and to look for support.  I suspect that you are a remarkably strong person but remember to cut yourself some slack and be kind to yourself.  Frankly you are doing an amazing job and your partner is one very lucky person.

Aisla

I can totally relate to you, just keep in mind this is all the dust before it settles. Once it starts to settle, and it will, things will be better.

Thank you for your replies. I appreciate the words of encouragement and support. It amazing how you can feel so prepared for what to expect and be completely blind sided. We expected bad reactions. We didn't expect the reactions we got!

Hello crackpot

I am in the same position you are with my fiancée and her family and half of mine.. Some of my family don't even know about her transitioning to female because I am worried about their reaction to it and don't want to start an argument or end up with her getting hurt.  Stay strong,  you're love for one another is stronger than any negative opinions and if worse comes to worse you still have your friends and Susan's

It took us a year before we told most everyone in our families because of that. It was good in a way though because they got to see how much "better" she was looking and feeling before they ever knew why.

Things have definitely gotten better. We were having ups and downs for a while but it seems to have plateaued which is so nice. It was getting so tiring constantly having to worry about what was going to be thrown at us next. I'm very glad to have Susan's in my corner, it's been an invaluable support.