*gives Natalia a big hug* I'm sorry. I love my mom so much, I will be heartbroken when I lose her, so I can only imagine how you feel.

---

I went to see my grandmother today, which was nice. We went out of town, but guess what, somehow family members were there. Extended, so...they're talking and then the whole awkward conversation begins.

"Oh, um, this is *birthname*, she changed her name to Caleb."
"OK...so, wait, what was...her...name?"
"*birthname*"
"Oh. OK."
"Caleb is doing her university."

I mean, omg. -_- Despite my dysphoria telling me I look like a woman, deep down, I know that I really don't and so they're probably thinking "jesus, she used to be so pretty, how the heck did this happen?" LOL.

My grandma said that it was obvious that they didn't recognize me...but that it's easier for her to tell them (about the name anyway, I assume she thinks the gender explains itself) now that I have been on hormones long enough. She never tells anyone unless they actually see me, I guess to explain why I look like a man. Because on the phone with her brother she said "Oh, just watching a movie with *birthname*" At first I felt angry, but I thought "well, if she said Caleb he'd have no clue who she meant, and he never sees me, so what do I really care?" After all, I'm the one who wants to live stealth. People I never see remembering me only as "her" actually works in my favour.

Quote from: Natalia on March 15, 2014, 03:42:26 PM
My mother...died this morning... 

My father died two years ago...I don't have nobody...I don't have nothing more...

This is too much for me...I can't stand this...I can't live without her...I can't...

I feel for you GF. Losing your mother will be one on the hardest times in your life I'm sure. It's OK to cry all you can for as long as you need. I know I cried for a long time. My sympathy to you poor girl.

I'm having minor surgery monday, and today I was unhappy because I've pushed everyone away and have no one around for scary things like minor surgery.

Not sure how I feel about my roommate having someone stay the night in here. Not because I think they're going to do anything (she has a guy over, but she's a lesbian) but because I'm not certain he knows I'm trans. With my stupid beard growing out and my wig off, it coild be really awkward in the morning.

Some virus found it's way into my computer. I had to pay microsoft, $99.90 to fix it, security.

As if microsoft does not already make billions, they probably caused the bug to sell me their protection, mafia.

Quote from: FrancisAnn on March 16, 2014, 04:03:58 AMSome virus found it's way into my computer. I had to pay microsoft, $99.90 to fix it, security.

As if microsoft does not already make billions, they probably caused the bug to sell me their protection, mafia.

Microsoft Defender is 100% free, you probably still have the virus and paid the money to a scam company....
I'd love to check it out for you, unfortunately I can't.

My legs feel nasty after shaving them and the shower severely depressed me.

My mother being unappreciative of her birthday presents and the cake I baked her.

My wife is angry at me for being withdrawn and distant.  She knows I have transgender feelings, but since I've kinda accepted that I really want to transition, ice been distant and closed mouthed about therapy. 

I was called 'madam' by the delivery driver. Wanted to slam the door shut in his face. 

Quote from: HumanBeing on March 16, 2014, 04:43:14 PM
I was called 'madam' by the delivery driver. Wanted to slam the door shut in his face. 

You definitely don't look like a 'madam' in your avatar. Sometimes I don't know what people are thinking when they misgender others.

Quote from: HumanBeing on March 16, 2014, 04:43:14 PM
I was called 'madam' by the delivery driver. Wanted to slam the door shut in his face. 

You don't look like a 'madam' at all.
But I don't get all upset really when I get misgendered; it's not their fault. It makes me try harder to pass.

Quote from: HumanBeing on March 16, 2014, 04:43:14 PM
I was called 'madam' by the delivery driver. Wanted to slam the door shut in his face. 

I think you should have told him to get his eyes checked. It looks like that was definitely necessary.

Quote from: birkin on March 16, 2014, 05:15:50 PM
You definitely don't look like a 'madam' in your avatar. Sometimes I don't know what people are thinking when they misgender others.

Quote from: Calder Smith on March 16, 2014, 05:19:15 PM
You don't look like a 'madam' at all.
But I don't get all upset really when I get misgendered; it's not their fault. It makes me try harder to pass.

Quote from: Sephirah on March 16, 2014, 05:20:56 PM
I think you should have told him to get his eyes checked. It looks like that was definitely necessary.

It's the one's who ask me if my parents are home that make me laugh the most  Went from being absolutely confused to finding it really funny when they do it now.

@Calder - That's how I feel now after that happened today 

Sometimes I feel like I let people walk all over me.  Like I can't confront their hostility or aggression.  Sadly, I really don't want to bother anyone and really try to have a positive impact on others here, but it seems people dislike me and I annoy them no matter what I do.  Even here.  I guess that's part of life.  And the sad part is that even when people dislike me or express their anger towards me, I blame myself.  It's my fault for it.  I realize I'm annoying to some and many don't like me here, but it's not my intention to bother people.  I really don't like upsetting people and refuse to report anyone who is also in need of assistance with their gender dysphoria, but I wish they would just leave me alone if their only goal is to tear me down or constantly share their unwanted criticism.

Quote from: learningtolive on March 16, 2014, 06:15:20 PM
Sometimes I feel like I let people walk all over me.  Like I can't confront their hostility or aggression.  Sadly, I really don't want to bother anyone and really try to have a positive impact on others here, but it seems people dislike me and I annoy them no matter what I do.  Even here.  I guess that's part of life.  And the sad part is that even when people dislike me or express their anger towards me, I blame myself.  It's my fault for it.  I realize I'm annoying to some and many don't like me here, but it's not my intention to bother people.  I really don't like upsetting people and refuse to report anyone who is also in need of assistance with their gender dysphoria, but I wish they would just leave me alone if their only goal is to tear me down or constantly share their unwanted criticism.

Hugs.  You don't annoy or bother me at all.  I like your positivity and posts here.  You're a great part of the community.

Quote from: learningtolive on March 16, 2014, 06:15:20 PM
Sometimes I feel like I let people walk all over me.  Like I can't confront their hostility or aggression.  Sadly, I really don't want to bother anyone and really try to have a positive impact on others here, but it seems people dislike me and I annoy them no matter what I do.  Even here.  I guess that's part of life.  And the sad part is that even when people dislike me or express their anger towards me, I blame myself.  It's my fault for it.  I realize I'm annoying to some and many don't like me here, but it's not my intention to bother people.  I really don't like upsetting people and refuse to report anyone who is also in need of assistance with their gender dysphoria, but I wish they would just leave me alone if their only goal is to tear me down or constantly share their unwanted criticism.

Sweetie, listen. How people behave towards you is a reflection on THEM. Not you. Everyone here is dealing with issues in their lives. Whatever they may be.

You don't HAVE to confront how someone acts towards you if you don't want to. I know I've already spoken to you about this privately but just remember what I said. Think about it. And if it's something you feel you really can't do, then just delete any correspondence you get and focus on what really matters to you.

You are a fantastic part of this site, and it would be much the worse without you. You keep it real, and discuss things that many, many people can relate to. Keep doing that. Keep being who you are.

People sometimes get annoyed just for the sake of getting annoyed. Or because they had a bad day, or because the garbage bag burst all over them. Whatever the case may be. I guarantee you that almost all of the time anger towards you stems from anger towards something else. You're a unique and complex human being. No one here knows all the intricacies of who you are, other than you. So before you think that someone hates you for you just think about that... no one really knows you other than what's here. And that isn't the entirety of who you are.

They think they know a few words on a screen. That isn't learningtolive. It's the parts of herself she wants to share.

Sweetie, confronting something isn't always the best way to stop it happening. There are other ways, and people to help. Remember that. *hugs*

Just can't stick to my diet, ate too much today. I have to find more discipline somehow? Starting Whole Body Transformation diet system soon. I'm 195 pounds & only 5' 9'. That is just way too fat. Going to try my best to lose maybe 20 pounds in the next 90 days.

Feeling very taken for granted.

It's dumb. Stupid. And in my own head. But I can't help it.

I just can't decide whether it's making me unhappy, annoyed, or a combination of the two.

Eh, it doesn't matter.

Quote from: Sephirah on March 16, 2014, 07:28:24 PM
Feeling very taken for granted.

It's dumb. Stupid. And in my own head. But I can't help it.

I just can't decide whether it's making me unhappy, annoyed, or a combination of the two.

Eh, it doesn't matter.

If its playing on your mind then it matters

I think sometimes you have to look after number one as that is what other people do... BUT that is easier said than done tho as i know i am guilty of feeling the same as this sometimes

I heard ice cream and chocolate help? and a day on the sofa in ure PJs