I heard that the birthday partyfor my brother next week was canceled.

Sick today. Most of my nausea is gone but no matter how long I sleep, I still can't keep my eyes open... I don't want to sleep anymore!!

Quote from: NathanExplosion on March 17, 2014, 04:24:54 PM
Sick today. Most of my nausea is gone but no matter how long I sleep, I still can't keep my eyes open... I don't want to sleep anymore!!

hope you feel better soon x

Seeing that there's no hope in changing my mother's dangerous ways

Quote from: NathanExplosion on March 17, 2014, 04:24:54 PM
Sick today. Most of my nausea is gone but no matter how long I sleep, I still can't keep my eyes open... I don't want to sleep anymore!!

Hope you recover quickly Nathan..((hugs))

Quote from: Malachite on March 17, 2014, 04:43:47 PM
Seeing that there's no hope in changing my mother's dangerous ways

I worry about your mom. At least from what I have read.

Quote from: birkin on March 17, 2014, 04:45:20 PM
I worry about your mom. At least from what I have read.

I worry about her too.....with her smoking, and drinking habits, and sodium-busting cooking habits. :/

My dad is like that, except he doesn't drink that much. He smokes a ton, and his eating is so bad. When he has a bad day, he'll cook a huge pot of spaghetti, use half a big clock of cheese, and a whole jar of pasta sauce. He's got such bad sleep apnea that you actually hear him stop breathing for like half a minute. tbh it's pretty scary.

Quote from: birkin on March 17, 2014, 04:55:18 PM
My dad is like that, except he doesn't drink that much. He smokes a ton, and his eating is so bad. When he has a bad day, he'll cook a huge pot of spaghetti, use half a big clock of cheese, and a whole jar of pasta sauce. He's got such bad sleep apnea that you actually hear him stop breathing for like half a minute. tbh it's pretty scary.

It's funny that you mention sleep apnea because my mother has to go in for testing at the end of the month for that.  She is almost like your father in that regard becaus she just dumps cans into a giant pot of soup (which is what she's cooking now) with no regards to the sodium intake.  When I actually tried to show her, she was quick to cut me off saying how I don't have to eat it/it has vegetables in it....

Quote from: Malachite on March 17, 2014, 04:59:47 PM
It's funny that you mention sleep apnea because my mother has to go in for testing at the end of the month for that.  She is almost like your father in that regard becaus she just dumps cans into a giant pot of soup (which is what she's cooking now) with no regards to the sodium intake.  When I actually tried to show her, she was quick to cut me off saying how I don't have to eat it/it has vegetables in it....

Lol. Yeah. I feel kinda bad because tonight he made this curry...chicken...thing. For one, the last two times I ate spicy food I ended up with diarrhea. For another, he has a bad habit of not washing his hands after using the toilet and not washing the vegetables. Sometimes he ends up putting moldy stuff in because he just throws it in. He made way too much, even if all 5 of us ate some over half would be thrown away. But it leaves me in a bad position...I can't cook because he gets mad, I haven't eaten since my breakfast smoothie, so I'm breaking my three week long spending-fast to buy myself some pizza from the gas station. -_- I might have to start using my rice cooker in my bedroom to heat things like soup. He's got such a bad record with food prep hygiene that I just don't trust it anymore.

Quote from: birkin on March 17, 2014, 04:55:18 PM
My dad is like that, except he doesn't drink that much. He smokes a ton, and his eating is so bad. When he has a bad day, he'll cook a huge pot of spaghetti, use half a big clock of cheese, and a whole jar of pasta sauce. He's got such bad sleep apnea that you actually hear him stop breathing for like half a minute. tbh it's pretty scary.
[/quote

That's my mom in a nutshell, expect that she'd order the food in rather than making it.

I really want to swim right now. Swimming is forbidden, though, until after SRS, since I can't wear a proper swimsuit, because bulge down below and no bulges up above. And body hair. Eew. I don't want anyone so see my even partially naked for a long, long while, now that I think about it.

The fact that I don't know myself at all.

I tried to work up the courage to tell my wife I want to transition.  Wind up feeling nauseous and suicidal.   

I know he's been already mentioned but it has been something that's still making me unhappy as well. I'm talking about Justin Carmichel aka JewWario. He was an online personality that reviewed foreign games that are playable on the NES. His reviews were funny and informative. But I think what should really be his legacy is the way he would interact with his fans. He always took the time to meet with them and really listened. That's probably was his best quality of all, he truly listened and never judged. Not only did he listen, he had an amazing, fantastic ability to know the right things to say to make what ever was bothering you better. This is a transcript of his advice towards someone one late night that I think sums up how wonderful he was with saying the right things that needed to be said.

""You know what, I want you all to look at me. I want you all to look at me. I want you to....cuz what I'm about to say is important. I think, I've been thinking about this a lot lately and I want you all to know this. This goes out to everybody.

You're not stupid. Ok? You're not stupid. Don't ever tell yourself that you are. You're important. What you have in your head may not mean a lot to a lot of people but its what makes you special. You are important. You mean something and you're going to go out there and you're going to do some wonderful things, but first and foremost, you're not stupid. You're not an idiot. Don't ever tell yourself that you are, and if nobody else ever tells you this, I will tell you this, I care about you. Thank you for coming to my stream today."

At one time in my life I had recently detransitioned and was miserable because of it to the point of not wanting to live. I was also very close to being homeless. I had spoken about this on a group chat and he was one of the people in the room. He IM'd me and asked me if I could SKYPE and would I mind SKYPing with him. I agreed and for an hour he patiently listened to me unload everything that had been bottled up. He let me release my pain and sadness over being forced to living a male life after close to year of finally living like I always yearned to live, as female. He listened to me and never once looked away from my eyes with an expression that never left me. It was a look that spoke loudly. It said "I understand and I hurt too because you're in pain"

After I was out of tears and words, he spoke. What he said I'm going to keep to myself if it's OK but it was something that I so needed to hear at that time. It made me feel better and made me feel like I mattered and that all was not lost. I really needed that. It was a moment in my life that I will always remember and treasure because for that moment, with how much I was in pain, I think just by listening, he saved my life. I know it sounds dramatic and made up but I swear every word it is true.

I'm not alone in these kinds of interactions with him. He did this for so many people. There's scores of stories from people that had similar meetings with him. He always had time for you no matter if he personally knew you or not. He never really got that many numbers as far as views go when you look at some other more popular personalities but those that did followed him loved him and for good reason.


It's for reasons like this why when I read online how he had killed himself. It hurt me all the way down to my core and it still hurts me. I'm not the quivering crying mess I was months ago when I first found out about his death but I still cry sometimes to this day. I'm crying as I write this now. I cry because he was beautiful. I'm still unhappy because he a person that the world doesn't have enough of and needs more of. He was a very very bright light who was there for anyone that needed him. To brighten a world that can be so dark for so many of us. Above all, he cares about people and truly loved everyone. No matter who you were and what gender you may be. I know it's may sound overly dramatic because I only spoke with him on only a few occasions but I miss him. I miss him so very much. I really wish he was still here with us.

The bad weather.

I keep trying to write something I want to talk about, but get put off by remembering the kind of responses I'm likely to get that ignore what I say no matter how many times I repeat it and make false assumptions about me.

I went outside to walk two of our dogs and it started raining.

I feel better than yesterday, but my head is POUNDING. I think I'm a bit dehydrated.

Quote from: NathanExplosion on March 18, 2014, 10:57:56 AM
I feel better than yesterday, but my head is POUNDING. I think I'm a bit dehydrated.

had a good night then, eh?