Natalia, very sorry for the loss of your Mother.
Big hugs,
Kim

Big hugs, I'm so sorry to hear about your mother passing.

Quote from: Natalia on March 17, 2014, 06:30:02 PM
Thank you for all your kind words...

I am feeling better now...I am holding up with sedatives, but I am calmer.

When  things like this one happens they can change you completely in a way you can't describe.

There is nothing worse than regret.

I don't regret anything about my moyther. I was, for sure, the best son I could be. But life is so fragile...you are alive now, but and tomorrow?

I had written in other topic about a girl that I was in love. I regret not saying to her that I loved her. But today I sent her a message. I said it all. Everything. I might lose her friendship, or I might win a girlfriend. At least I will have no regrets about it.

I am a trans, I am sure. I don't regret it. I don't want to stop and go back and try to be a boy again...but she doesn't knnow about it.

And if my dear passion of my life says yes for my proposal? She will not accept me as a trans...

And I think I'd rather live with her as the way I was than be alone as a woman. I'm not sure about this, I know I won't be happy with my body and my gender...but is it worth it? Stop everything because of love?

And can I stop?

I am on HRT for almost 6 months. I don't have any ejaculate...I  must be permanently sterile....

And I have boobs. I don't want to take them out...I am loving them...If I take them out I'll never be able to have boobs aggain!

I don't know what to do...

Glad to hear you are feeling better and your no longer considering what you were yesterday.

With regard to the woman you wrote the letter to: Be patient before making drastic decisions you can't come back from. Many women don't mind, and actually like dating transgender women. I'm absolutely discusted by men. I don't care even after my SRS I'll never be with one. I'm repulsed by their attetudes and the way they talk to their friends about women as if we're objects placed on this earth for their arm candy and amusement. Anyway back to my point: One of my best girlfriends right now is exactly that, my ex-girlfriend. She approached me after a neighbor of mine told her I was trans (she thought I was cis). I had seen her before alot but always with mostly taller than me, very much hairyer than average men. In no way did I think she'd date me. However, that day when she found out I wasn't a cis female she approached me and asked me out. I fully explained to her my position, and that I'd be starting hrt soon then later on after the hormones have had time to do their thing I would be having SRS (and whatever other surgery that might be necessary) to make me whole (I explained this on our first date). Long story short we were together for over a year and happy. What kind of broke us up for a while was other people's meddling into our business. However now that I've began my hrt she and I couldn't be closer. She has a 3 year old daughter who calls me Auntie Ally who is just adorable, and we're talking about getting a bigger house so that we can live together as a family.

My point in telling you about my best GF is, if you'd seen the type of macho guy's she used to date you'd never believe the two of us could be together and happy. So the point is you never know until you give it a chance. Besides, If you've been on hrt for 6 months I bet she suspects already. If she really feels the same way about you she'll accept you as you are. What have you got to lose? You haven't heard back from her yet.

First of all, let me say that I am so sorry for your loss.  I know that pure text doesn't translate well and it's hard to express emotions in this limited environment, but reading your posts the past few days have hit me.  I wish there was something I could say or do, but just realize you have a friend here if you ever are in need.

Secondly, right now you just went through a very hard thing that many people either struggle with or inevitably will.  At this point in time, it makes sense to look at everything and rexamine where you are and what you want.    Just remember, sometimes what we feel during powerful and emotional stages doesn't always reflect what we really want or hope for.   Think things over.  Give it time.  Allow yourself time to grieve and process things.  Maybe seeking the love of your life and giving up hrt would be the right move?  Maybe you could go forward as a transwoman and still conquer the loneliness that you feel?  These are questions that only you can answer with deep thought and time.  Don't feel the need to rush.  Make sure you are doing what's right for you.  There is no time table for these things.  Do what's best for Natalia whatever that may be. 

Again, I'm very very sorry you are going through this.