It depends on who it is. I had no problem telling people that dealt with paperwork type stuff (like when I changed my name). Medical people I don't mind telling, either. But there are a lot of people that I don't say anything to, not because I am worried about what they will think if I get outed, it's just simply none of their damn business. I do tend to refer to myself as a girl even when I talk about past stuff. The reason I do is simply this: Just because I was in the closet for X amount of years doesn't equate to living a genuine life, in my opinion. It see it as being a lie for the most part. Who I am now, is really who I always was. It isn't my fault that I got stuck with a male name or forced into a faux male gender role. But it's no one else's fault either (My mom fought with that for awhile). It's just something that happened. No different from any other medical issue that I was born with.

Need to know only.  But if I trust them, closely, they'll know.  As to a leak, I have to much rage to get worried about someone not understanding their opinion is invalid.  If they mess with me at work, they'll have one heck of a problem.  So far, they have not, and I don't know who read me and who hasn't.

But I dont hand anyone anything that can be used to malignantly hurt me or others.

11 people and the docs know the truth.  3 at work think I have an endo birth defect.  Fine.  That is enough.

It's really a need to know basis, and very, very few people need to know.
I'm in the process of wrapping up the technical aspects of my transition(surgery in April.)
As a matter of course I am moving to a new region, and leaving all family, etc behind. About the only person in the need to know at that point would be future HR people, calling old jobs for employment confirmation.

Hey wait everyone on the board knows now.... cool

i myself are not gonna let anyone know except for my family since i know they will accept it, but once i am a woman then it will be easier for me to tell them since i will look like a woman. it also depends on the person and if they are comfortable unlike me im not comfortable enough to let everyone know that i am. i hope this helps others also if they feel the same way.

No. The option of being out becomes less feasible with time. For one, it took me SO. LONG. to get to this point (passing as male, period) that I'm so over people knowing I am trans. Really, it changes so many things in the relationship, they treat you differently, it's just not worth it. I deserve a break from people's crap and ignorance.

However, a recent event actually made stealth much more desirable, which was the Arielle/Ryan video on "vagina pride." That, to me, seems to be the dominant message in liberal circles these days. Trans people shouldn't be in pain over their condition, just have a little pride and that solves all your problems! Sorry, I don't know what that is, but that is NOT me and will NEVER be me. I don't "identify" with that message about being trans at all and I don't want people to associate me with someone who "loves their vagina"  just because I chose to be out (they assume I have a vagina to love, but still...).

Quote from: learningtolive on March 13, 2014, 09:58:01 PM
As of now, yes I guess I sort of have to.  Once I go full time and get passed the beginning stages of my transition, I'd rather not tell people that don't need to know.  Why should I?  It's not a lie in my eyes.  The only people that I feel need to know, for me, are potential partners.  Everyone else important already knows or is soon to find out.

Hmmm yep agreed its not lying! This is what I do as I pass now.

Quote from: birkin on March 14, 2014, 09:50:08 PM
No. The option of being out becomes less feasible with time. For one, it took me SO. LONG. to get to this point (passing as male, period) that I'm so over people knowing I am trans. Really, it changes so many things in the relationship, they treat you differently, it's just not worth it. I deserve a break from people's crap and ignorance.

However, a recent event actually made stealth much more desirable, which was the Arielle/Ryan video on "vagina pride." That, to me, seems to be the dominant message in liberal circles these days. Trans people shouldn't be in pain over their condition, just have a little pride and that solves all your problems! Sorry, I don't know what that is, but that is NOT me and will NEVER be me. I don't "identify" with that message about being trans at all and I don't want people to associate me with someone who "loves their vagina"  just because I chose to be out (they assume I have a vagina to love, but still...).

AGREED!!! I saw that video too and was like ummmm huh?! way to generlize the trans population smh... I mean its one thing if one trans person has come to terms with their genital situation but a lot of us go through a serious period of self loathing when it come to those physical parts of ourselves. Some are able to find common ground but not all. I have mixed feelings about that video just because I know her intentions meant well but she should of also done an explanation about the dysphoria aspect as well.

I'm in the camp that it's not something I advertise to everyone, but not something that I go too far to hide.

First, I'm not 100% passable so some people are going to figure it out eventually on their own.

Second, I seem to constantly have run ins with my past. I still have yet to work somewhere without there being a connection to my past. For instance in one job I worked with the daughter of a psychiatrist of mine, in another the husband of my eighth grade science teacher. In my current job I work with a lady who worked at my mom's bank when I was a child.

Third, I plan to work in the medical field as an LPN. My province uses a centralized file for health care. Considering there is information for my under both names and very sex-specific diagnoses (IE epididymitis), future co-workers could easily stumble on this if they got bored or curious one day.

Fourth, I would want to be able to be open to close friends and potential partners. As much as I hate it, my history will always be a part of me and I'd rather they hear it from me than someone else.

The reality is that unless I packed up and completely abandoned my life and moved to another province or even another country, stealth is nothing but a house of cards waiting to fall at any time. 

Firstly, I definately would tell a prospective partner because I believe that trust is one of the most important things in a relationship, if once the man in question knows about my past & doesn't like what he hears then my response would be "don't let the door hit you on the way out". I want a partner to accept me for who I am & 38 yrs of living in a male body has played a large part in defining who I am.
I've spent my whole life trying to hide the truth about who & what I am & i'm tired of it, keeping secrets is draining.

The average Joe on the street doesn't need to know, it doesn't effect them so i'm not going to wear a billboard or have a trans tattoo on my forehead announcing my trans status.

I would however like to do as much as I can to help the TG community in the future, without the help from other trans people on this site then i'd never have made it this far & i'd like to give something back & that will prevent me from ever going 100% stealth.
In the future i'd like to start a local TG support group, i'm also in with a chance of getting training to be a support worker for the homeless & those with drug issues as i've had both those issues in my life, the organisation who helped me through being homeless are the ones who are offering me a chance to be a support worker, they are very supportive of all things LGBT & I may well find myself propelled to being their poster child (they've already hinted at me being their LGBT representative).
With all of that in mind it would be close to impossible to keep my past a secret so why waste the energy trying to hide it?

I probably won't be off telling many people. I would probably tell old friends who I am/was if I run into them and can talk to them privately. Other than that, it's pretty unlikely that I would say anything to anyone unless I really thought I needed to. It's not that I'm opposed to it, but I'm a very private person by nature, that's all.

HELL NO!!!  I'm stealth 100% to the core. Not even my shadow should know I'm a ->-bleeped-<-. 

Im currently pre opt and I tell my partners just  to avoid getting my ass kicked if they freak out.

But once im post op. Nope, im not saying a damn thing, I wont tell a soul.

Depends on the situation.  You have to be smart about this stuff.  I have found that for every crowd, there is a bias.  One would think that being a white anglo-saxon Protestant heterosexual Christian male would be the safest thing to be in America...but announce that at a LGBTQ parade and the people there will flag you PDQ, wondering why THAT even needs to be know at the time by anybody other than you.  Relevance please?

Being in the media industry at one point, I have worked with people who know how to dig up dirt about you.  So when I came into the job I said: "I'm a pre-op.  Any problems?"  People at first were shocked but accepted me because of my "charm" and work ethic, but the way I seen it at the time it was best to say it NOW when I was at the bottom than be exposed on my climb to the top and be knocked down.

"So, you failed math during the 2nd quarter of your 9th grade year, huh?"

Uuuuum...okay.  Yes I did.  THAT was freaky.

Right now, though, I am at a point in my career where the word about this getting out will help me.  People expect artists and writers to be eccentric, exciting, mysterious and taboo: so I wear it loud and proud.  But my life is different and my needs different than everyone els's here.

Quote from: birkin on March 14, 2014, 09:50:08 PM
However, a recent event actually made stealth much more desirable, which was the Arielle/Ryan video on "vagina pride." That, to me, seems to be the dominant message in liberal circles these days. Trans people shouldn't be in pain over their condition, just have a little pride and that solves all your problems! Sorry, I don't know what that is, but that is NOT me and will NEVER be me. I don't "identify" with that message about being trans at all and I don't want people to associate me with someone who "loves their vagina"  just because I chose to be out (they assume I have a vagina to love, but still...).

I've always wondered why I should have "pride" in a past that made me miserable for 35 years, including contributing to tangible things like me dropping out of school in eighth grade. No I'll wrap up transition and that's that.

Quote from: Evolving Beauty on March 16, 2014, 04:22:59 PM
HELL NO!!!  I'm stealth 100% to the core. Not even my shadow should know I'm a ->-bleeped-<-. 

What's the plan to get around background checks?

Did it once to get a reaction from a guy who was interested in me just to see how people would respond, (i know i should be more careful), but now, never again. Only if I have no other choice. I am a woman, and if I tell people I am trans, I am clinging onto my past persona even if it is just in a little way.

I am still pre-transition, so right now I HAVE to tell people in order to treat me as a guy. They usually end up having questions anyway, and I don't feel like saying something like I have a rare genetic disease (which IS sort of true, hah!). I'm just no good at lying, and it makes me feel bad and uncomfortable. Once I pass a 200% percent I might only tell best friends, and accepting people. Right now a transphobic zone is death to me, while later I can decide to venture in and just not disclose I'm trans.
I intend not to make a secret of being trans, but not be SO out that I'll always be "that one transdude". But ignorance amongst cispeople will only lessen if we are open to them, people are afraid of what they don't know or understand, and being out also helps OTHER transpeople to take the step (if there weren't others before me I don't think I'd have gathered the knowledge).
Just like I don't make a secret of that I'm attracted to both guys and girls, but am not telling everyone I meet either. I tell them when it has relevance, and don't when it doesn't, I intend to do the same with my trans-ness after transition.

I believe so yes. It might depend on the situation and if it's a gang of 10-15 muscleheads coming at me all at once I might reconsider not telling it because of the "trans-panic" laws.

I've also given it some further thought since my last post in this thread.

I don't care to hide that I am trans, but discretion is a good thing to excercise.  However I won't hide it from a potential "playmate" (partner) either. 

I figure there has to be people out there with a "trans fetish" (for lack of better terms) so I might as well be after those people instead of trying to hide it from someone who may not appreciate/be receptive the idea.  The less I have to tear down walls the better.

I don't keep it a secret, but I don't announce it either. These days most people who meet me don't know, and unless we become friends they probably won't; there's a whole list of "personal but not shameful" things about me that I don't tell strangers and acquaintances, after all. I'm a generally private person anyway.