Hey all,

I am at the very beginning of my social and physical transition. I am 2.5 weeks on T, and I just came out to my family (my friends have known for about a month). I don't pass. I am a petite person and I can't quite get my voice into an acceptable range. I'm finding that my dysphoria is almost worse now than it was before coming out and starting T. Every time I give myself a shot, it's exciting and I love the small changes that are occurring. Because I don't pass, I know everyone still sees me as female, which is a huge downer. I feel like I'm so close to being myself but I'm being held back. I thought it would be easier during transition, but I just want to be on the other side and be passing and living as male. I want the right pronouns and I want a masculine name. My mom is struggling with the idea, which is why I haven't moved forward with the name change. I want to give her time to get used to the idea.

Any advice for dealing with these early transition struggles? I chose a tough time for this, but I want it *so* bad.

I felt the same ,

As if at the moment you start T/E everything will be solved ,its not the case...
until more obvious changes happen its gonna be difficult cause as you said people will still see you as female...
Be patient , its the only way

I had a similar experience. I'm short, had a high pitched voice, very soft feminine facial features. When I first got on T I was all like "Great! This is amazing!" then i though not much was changing and i still wasnt passing. Gave me a real downer for ages! It's hard to go stealth when you just dont pass, right???

It's very hard, but stay with it. Dont let negative comments or gestures from strangers or others sway you. Stay true to yourself and who you are and dont let anyone tell you otherwise. Stay strong! Thats how I got through. I wasn't passing but I just continued regardless. I'm a guy, I kept telling myself. If other people dont see that, then it's their problem, not mine! It was still so very hard, but persistence and stubbornness got me through!

I think it makes sense, really. I mean, you're now on testosterone, so it's this massive thing that's going to give you changes that you're going to feel awesome about. But it happens slowly, so when you're in the beginning stages, it feels bad to know that you're finally on it, but so far you're not experiencing big enough changes to help. So I think time is the key, here. Try to remind yourself that every day that goes by, you'll be experiencing more changes. Small, of course, but those small changes add up. Maybe also you can try to work out a bit, maybe it'll give you more confidence in the meantime, because you said you're quite petite?

it's definitely frustrating

I started t 3 weeks ago and I could have written the same post.

Quote from: Whynaut on March 26, 2014, 12:20:24 PM

Any advice for dealing with these early transition struggles? I chose a tough time for this, but I want it *so* bad.

I don't want to have this sound the wrong way, but you are only 2.5 weeks into "T". You are on a long journey now and that it takes time. I struggled with this myself wanting everything overnight such as breast's, long hair, smooth skin, but the reality is cis girls develop over around a 10 year period before maturity. That of course is without "T" damage thrown in the mix. I do feel much better emotionally now and it helps with slowly watching my body develop. You have a long, long road ahead so get used to the idea. Try distracting yourself with a hobby or going to the gym. It will help a lot.

the gym is a good idea, I like to go to the gym cause it makes me feel manlier in a way, I can help myself build the muscles I want, even before taking T and it helps letting aggression out and ->-bleeped-<- lol

Quote from: jonjon on March 26, 2014, 12:56:53 PMIt's very hard, but stay with it. Dont let negative comments or gestures from strangers or others sway you. Stay true to yourself and who you are and dont let anyone tell you otherwise. Stay strong! Thats how I got through. I wasn't passing but I just continued regardless. I'm a guy, I kept telling myself. If other people dont see that, then it's their problem, not mine! It was still so very hard, but persistence and stubbornness got me through!

Haha, thanks. I am usually a pretty persistent and stubborn person about the things I want. I haven't really been forcing the pronouns with anyone, but I know that would help. Any advice on how to get on that boat? At least with my roommates (who are also very close friends).
I have been trying to coach myself into saying, "Yeah, I'm a guy" each day. I think it's helping but then when I have to hop in the shower it seems impossible. It's happening slowly.

Quote from: Jessica Merriman on March 26, 2014, 03:07:04 PM
I don't want to have this sound the wrong way, but you are only 2.5 weeks into "T". You are on a long journey now and that it takes time. I struggled with this myself wanting everything overnight such as breast's, long hair, smooth skin, but the reality is cis girls develop over around a 10 year period before maturity. That of course is without "T" damage thrown in the mix. I do feel much better emotionally now and it helps with slowly watching my body develop. You have a long, long road ahead so get used to the idea. Try distracting yourself with a hobby or going to the gym. It will help a lot.

Thanks. I know it will take a long time to really be pleased with the changes, but of course everyone hopes they'll happen sooner rather than later.
I'm lucky that I'm distracted with grad school. Well, lucky and unlucky because I'm also on the job hunt to begin my career. I chose a tough time for myself to transition, but there's no time like the present, right? This goes back to me being stubborn. When I want something done, I'm pretty single-minded about making it happen.

Quote from: Emerson on March 26, 2014, 03:00:38 PM
I started t 3 weeks ago and I could have written the same post.

It's tough! But it's nice to know I'm not alone. I wish you the best. c:

Thanks to everyone else who replied. It's helpful to have the support here.

Here's to the gym (or get yourself some free weights and watch some youtube videos).
bodybuilding.com gives you some diet and exercise plans for free.


--Jay

Only thing I can really say is it does get better. Each and every week will get better the longer you are on T. The changes you want will come and you will pass. And the gym is a great idea too.

Just want to tell you I hear you, and I am with you. I have my first doctor's appt next friday and it may as well be a million billion years from now. A MILLION.

Just my two bits here. When I started I felt the same exact way. I'd made peace with my reality, but my body just wouldn't get to where my mind was fast enough. The good news is you're in for a magical next two years. The changes on T will be gradual, and you probably won't notice it, and then one day you look in the mirror and go 'my god...'

You'll start passing more and more, in my experience, and your dysphoria will begin dropping gradually as you see yourself more for who you were meant to be. Hang in there. It gets better.

What I did to help was make a weekly recording and picture log of my changes. When you click back to that first month you may find yourself wondering who the person is!

*hug* It'll get easier. I promise.