I am a 20 year old FTM

Today I came out to one person, my grandmother.
She told me as long as it was truly the right thing for me to do, and a specialist agreed with it- she would support me.

But even so, I still feel a really nervous and sick sensation. Like maybe I have doubts?
I know my whole life I have hated this body. I have hated being a woman, but I am terrified of what will happen.
I am afraid of the change. I know it will effect all my relationships and how people see me.
I want people to change how they see me...but... I don't know.
Is it normal to get this scared?
Can I be happy with the body I have always wanted, the identity I have always wanted if my mom and dad disown me?
I am really a trans if I feel this nervous and afraid?

Hi Lucas.
      It is compleatly normal to be scared and nervous. I would be a little concerend if you where not. It is great to here that you have a support person, even if you are you have your grandmother who supports you and your decisions. in my persinol oppinion, if you have felt this way, and want to be vewed as male, then you are transgendered. it will get easer in time to beable to face the world and say that you are, but there will always be butterflies in your belly. well that is my experiance any way.

Wishing you the best of luck and an open invite to chat any time.
Sheala

Quote from: Sheala on March 28, 2014, 07:26:24 PM
Hi Lucas.
      It is compleatly normal to be scared and nervous. I would be a little concerend if you where not. It is great to here that you have a support person, even if you are you have your grandmother who supports you and your decisions. in my persinol oppinion, if you have felt this way, and want to be vewed as male, then you are transgendered. it will get easer in time to beable to face the world and say that you are, but there will always be butterflies in your belly. well that is my experiance any way.

Wishing you the best of luck and an open invite to chat any time.
Sheala

Thank you so much. I have heard this many other times for other people. I had been so confident until just now so the flow of emotions was unnerving. I think I have to make three forum posts before I can chat with people? I don't know. I am still quite new to this website. >///<
I think my main issue is I always assume that everyone will think that I am lying. But it is mostly in my head...I think.

Sweetie, a fear of the unknown is an extremely common occurrence. Many, many people feel the same way you do.

When you think about it, it's a life changing decision. It's something that you feel you have to be sure it's the right one. And that can very often put a whole lot of pressure on often very insecure and weakened shoulders. It has very little, if any bearing on who you are as a person, okay?

For some folks, their comfort zone encompasses the way they're treated by those around them. And to illicit a possible change in that treatment, whether for good or ill, is a giant leap outside that comfort zone. It's not surprising you feel scared hon. It's a step into the unknown. Knowing what you want, and getting what you want, aren't always one and the same.

*hugs*

How you should feel is something that's personal to you. Something everyone experiences slightly differently. That doesn't make it any less real.

Take it one step at a time, hon. Find someone to talk to about it. A therapist ideally. Someone you can talk through how you feel with and see what options are available to you.

And remember - courage isn't about not having fear. It's about not letting the fear stop you.

Quote from: Sephirah on March 28, 2014, 07:34:46 PM
Sweetie, a fear of the unknown is an extremely common occurrence. Many, many people feel the same way you do.

When you think about it, it's a life changing decision. It's something that you feel you have to be sure it's the right one. And that can very often put a whole lot of pressure on often very insecure and weakened shoulders. It has very little, if any bearing on who you are as a person, okay?

For some folks, their comfort zone encompasses the way they're treated by those around them. And to illicit a possible change in that treatment, whether for good or ill, is a giant leap outside that comfort zone. It's not surprising you feel scared hon. It's a step into the unknown. Knowing what you want, and getting what you want, aren't always one and the same.

*hugs*

How you should feel is something that's personal to you. Something everyone experiences slightly differently. That doesn't make it any less real.

Take it one step at a time, hon. Find someone to talk to about it. A therapist ideally. Someone you can talk through how you feel with and see what options are available to you.

And remember - courage isn't about not having fear. It's about not letting the fear stop you.

Thank you. I think  I was believing my fear and confusion was my mind trying to scream at me that I am wrong and I don't want what I have always thought that I wanted. But I am starting to gain back my regular confidence thanks to people's posts. Thank you very much. I am hoping  to get a therapist soon. Just have to wait for the money. I live on my own so money is tight.

There's nothing wrong with feeling like that.

I hate my body, but I also have the same doubts. Other people might tell you you're lying, they might tell you 'it's just a phase', but only you know, and knowing may take time. It's normal to question yourself, and be confused. I hope you find what you're looking for, soon.

I'm no expert, lol, I'm 23, and I feel a lot like you do, there's nothing wrong with you.

I came out to my family about 6 months ago, and I have been experiencing all the same things.  You're not alone!  I was having a lot of fear and doubts too, and still am at times... but that's normal.  I think, like you, I let my fear make me think I was mistaken.  But at the end of the day, I know who I am and what I want. 

I was a mess when I came out to my mom.  And I am terrified to come out to my dad.  Transitioning is a big, scary process, no doubt about that.  But like they say, nothing worth doing is ever easy.

You had the courage to come out to your grandmother, you should be proud of that.   Just take it one step at a time and try not to let yourself get overwhelmed.  We'll all be here to support you along the way.